Can’t they see how much it’s annoying us?
Thank you for being rude.
I’d like to embark this hub by thanking someone for being rude to mij spil it prompted mij to consider why some people emerge to take pride te being rude (or “fair” spil they call it). Rather than brood overheen what they said I’ve determined to use it spil motivation to share some of the mechanisms I train regarding how to give terugkoppeling appropriately and demonstrate that it’s ideally possible to be fair and pushy without being rude.
Don’t sit on my laptop!
Don’t do it!
Many of us are pretty good at telling people not to do things. “Don’t sit there”, “Don’t talk overheen mij ter meetings” and so on, and wij don’t understand why it doesn’t have the desired results. Why don’t they just zekering doing whatever it is? Can’t they see how much it’s annoying us?
Well the reaction is no, they most likely can’t see how much it’s annoying you, mainly because they can’t read your mind. You also toevluchthaven’t mentioned anything about what you do want, so until mankind invents telepathy wij’re going to have to tell them.
Waterput simply wij need to explain a little more aboout just what the problem is and why it’s annoying us so much and what wij’d like them to do instead. Wij also need to “own the terugkoppeling” which means not being afraid to describe how it’s impacting on us.
Some Useful Books
Love this book – light hearted and effortless to read.
OK, so how do I do that?
I’m very glad you asked. Just go after thesis Three elementary steps:
Describe how it’s impacting on you.
Let them know what you’d choose instead.
No, it doesn’t suit a neat little acronym I’m afraid but it does work, for example:
“John, when you interrupt mij during meetings it prevents mij getting to the point spil quickly spil I’d like, I’d truly appreciate it if next time you’ve got something to say you could wait until I’m done speaking.”
Of course how you say this will be significant too – no good hissing it through clenched teeth or delivering it with an air of sarcasm,
Time it right.
Timing is everything.
If you’re ter the middle of an argument, or either of you is emotionally charged then this is less likely to work. Ideally you need address the kwestie at a indiferente time when you’ve got the chance to discuss things rather more rationally.
And if you’re wondering how to peaceful things when faced with someone who’s “kicking off” then recall to remain silent yourself and attempt to ask questions rather than tell someone exactly what you think. Calmly telling “Can I ask why you’re raising your voice?” generally gets you further than yelling “zekering yelling at mij!” (Why should they zekering yelling at you when you’re yelling at them?)
There’s no magic wand.
Sadly there is no magic formula I can give you that will work flawlessly 100% of the time, however the technics I’ve shortly described above will help if you need to give terugkoppeling to another individual and wish to do so ter a balanced and adequate manner.
It’s significant to produce any terugkoppeling with absolute respect for the individual worried, spil I’ve already mentioned, none of us are mind readers so have no idea spil to exactly why the individual is behaving ter the way they are.
But what if they’re rude to mij?
If someone is rude to you then remind yourself that you cannot control their behviours but you can control how you react to them and, spil Eleanor Roosevelt famously said “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”
Why did that person feel the need to be so rude to mij? I’ve no idea, but I like to think I’ve done something a little positive thanks to their input.