Tag Archives: honesty

Dating with Intent: Or why isn’t he calling me? (Part 2)

Posted on June 5, 2009 | 5 Comments

Continued from Part 1

Down to the brass tacks. How do you figure out if you and he are in the same place on the commitment meter? Communication helps.

You can be incredibly fortunate and have one of those straight-shooting, man-up kind of guys around. You know the ones… found in the endangered species section of the dating dictionary. They are the guys who tell you from the beginning what they want and why they want to spend time with you. Honestly, I wish for all of you this kind of guy. It makes things so much more drama-free. You can honor his transparency by returning the favor. If you are NOT where he is, you need to tell him that! 

If you aren’t one of the fortunate few dealing with a straight-shooter, here are a few terms and ideas to help you ascertain the dealio: Continue reading →

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Posted in Advice for Girls, Breaking up, Dating, Keeping a Date, Relationship Advice

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Dating with Intent: Or why is he calling me? (Part 1)

Posted on June 4, 2009 | 4 Comments

Steve Harvey’s new book “Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man” talks about some pretty funny stuff. I’ll admit, I enjoyed the read. Laughed where I was cued to laugh, nodded my head in agreement where I was prompted to agree and held many of my questions/scepticism at bay simply because I was enjoying reading about relationships from his point of view (and was on vacation when I read it.)

In chapter 10, he talks about the 5 questions a woman MUST know before getting too involved with a man. They are good questions. Not exactly what and how I would ask, but the aim behind them is crucial to navigating the complexities of man meets woman: to ferret out the intentions behind why this guy wants to spend time with you. Many of the women I’ve talked to have gotten to where they are quite simply boot shaking scared to Continue reading →

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Posted in Advice for Girls, Breaking up, Dating, Keeping a Date, Relationship Advice

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To Friend or Not to Friend: The Ex is the Question.

Posted on June 2, 2009 | 11 Comments

I read a post yesterday that really made me think about the whole “to friend or not friend” an ex question. Roxanne shared on her blog that she’s not only friends with her exes but that they have taught her valuable lessons about herself she’s using to help her along the dating path. To be honest, it was incredibly refreshing to see that there is another “bizarre” girl out there like me who enjoys being friends with the ex. 

There are a few caveats in my world that will keep an ex on the “not friend” list. Things like Continue reading →

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Posted in Breaking up, Personal

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The Tweet and Run: Or how to date smart in the world of social networking

Posted on June 1, 2009 | 3 Comments

Except for the under a rock dwellers, most people have embraced the rules that govern the Googleverse as far as being aware of what a name search will reveal about who you are and what you’ve done. Job seekers strive to create a professional presence through various means and business owners jockey for search placement but many of us seem to be forgetting that people also do personal name searches.

Realistically, I know very few people who don’t Google a potential date these days. There are some who maintain that they want to get to know their date the old fashioned way and refuse to Google until a few dates are under the belt, but for reasons spanning the gamut from safety to curiosity, most people will Google you before they ever meet you. So, what does a name search reveal about you and your attitude towards dating? 

You may scoff and think… nothing! Well, think again. Twitter, Linked In, Friend Feed, Facebook, Myspace, etc. are all beloved by that happy and busy Google search engine, so its time to take a minute and think about how you are not only coming across to a professional contact but also to a potential date.

A few rules of thumb for online image management: Continue reading →

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Posted in Advice for Girls, Advice for Guys, communication, Culture, Dating, Etiquette, Online Dating

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How To Not Mess It Up

Posted on May 28, 2009 | 5 Comments

Incredible! You’ve met someone you actually want to go out with again… and again. Don’t panic. Just because you messed up the last few does not mean you have to mess it up again. Take a deep breath, remember that you’re a catch that anyone would want to bring home to mom and read on…

A really hot, single guy friend of mine suggested this topic and actually led with a few salient points that I thought were so good… I decided to leave them as is. 

1. Slow down the physical and build the anticipation.
2. Keep your commitments to work, friends & plans. 
3. Don’t spend every minute with the person (even though you may want to)
4. Explore common interests but be true to what you actually like to do. Don’t “go along” just to please your person. Yoga, Watching sports, Camping – you will be miserable and a horrible date. Killing their fun and making them resent you.
5. Stay committed to your goals, not just your new relationship.
6. Introduce to your friends, family when appropriate. This can catch a bad decision early.
7. Explore values, life plans, thoughts on kids, etc. early and be brutally honest about what you want. Whatever you step over now will be the reason you break up later…after you invested (or wasted) 2 years of your life.

I know… easier said than done (especially that first one) but these are all great guidelines to keep in mind when you find yourself in a situation that you might deem a “keeper.” I try to keep this rule of thumb in mind at all times: “What you do to catch a person is what you have to do to keep a person.” So, if you change yourself to suit each partner that comes along… you may have a bit of a mess on your hands when you want to go back to “being yourself.”

Most people consider this a topic where the more wisdom, the better. So please add any ideas you may have uncovered in your dating journeys!

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Posted in Advice for Girls, Advice for Guys, Dating, Keeping a Date, Relationship Advice

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Turning Inner Geek into Geek Chic

Posted on May 8, 2009 | 4 Comments

Unless you are super cool chic and addicted to all that is plastic and trendy, the likelihood of you having a bit of inner geek is pretty high. Come to think of it, some people would count an obsession with trends to be a bit geek as well. I guess that just means that all of us have something a little “uncool” hidden deep within or perhaps proudly sported on the surface. Even Ken and Barbie. I mean really — can we talk anatomical anomalies?

You all know I’m pretty opinionated about non-game-playing and authentic behavior when it comes to dating. And yes, at times you pay for it by losing a game-player or by revealing something to someone that may be a deal-breaker for them. But I hear a lot more stories about people falling in love with someones quirks, peccadilloes or the person behind the masks when they finally get over their fear and reveal the beautifully flawed gem within.

For those readers who have embraced the inner geek and turned it chic… bravo! You may feel free to skip reading this post and move on to another article that may seem a bit more relevant. But for the people maybe hiding something “uncool” from dates and mates or reluctant to just be fully transparent, read on…

Continue reading →

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Posted in Advice for Girls, Advice for Guys, Dating, Keeping a Date

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Handling Hurt Feelings

Posted on May 6, 2009 | 3 Comments

This may be a shocker for those of you who know me or have read this blog for a while, but sometimes its really easy for me to get my feelings hurt, especially when I’m feeling a bit over-exposed. Its like someone decides to sit beside me and “poke” “poke” at the uncovered nerves. Hate it!

So, being the productive human being that I am, I’ve thought through the things I do to try to slap down that nerve poking finger:

Slap Down Option #1: An opportunity to exercise my mental gymnastics in figuring out why that person would do something to make me feel yucky. Perhaps a 50/50 chance of getting rid of the poking finger since this one really only works for me when I can actually figure out something that clears both them and me of any wrong doing or ill intent. Otherwise, it makes for a long day of trying to mind read and second guessing. Typically a time waster. Blech

Slap Down Option #2: Taking a spin through my repertoire of bad words and internal epithets. This one works when there is definite wrong-doing involved and I can villain cast. The only problem…
Continue reading →

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Posted in Advice for Girls, Advice for Guys, Dating, Keeping a Date, Personal, Relationship Advice

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Secrets for a More Satisfying Relationship

Posted on April 29, 2009 | 6 Comments

None of us are perfect, no matter how much self-improvement reading or therapizing we do or don’t do, but there are a few simple changes you can make that will take your relationships to a new level… friendships, dating and marriage.

1. Observe the Golden Rule and be the kind of person you want to attract. Think about it from the quality person’s POV… why would they want to “rehab” or “inspire” someone into being the kind of person that the quality person became on their own steam? In order to respect the other person, the quality person needs to be with someone they chose to respect in the first place. Continue reading →

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Posted in Advice for Girls, Advice for Guys, Dating, Finding a Date, Keeping a Date, Relationship Advice

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Keep It Classy America

Posted on April 16, 2009 | 5 Comments

Sometimes the dating process can really bring out the worst in people. Its hard not to take rejection personally or to react with strong emotions when taken off guard by a date’s behavior. For example, your best friend who has never once lost his temper since you became friends in Little League, becomes a raving lunatic when his girlfriend of 3 months breaks up with him. Name calling, epithet throwing, story telling lunatic. It baffles you, that your mellow, considerate friend for over 20 years, can be reduced to an angry, hate-filled man-blob by some girl. Or your friend who easily bypasses the glass ceiling at work due to her cool-headed and non-reactive approach to handling difficult co-workers but completely loses her poise as she blasts dates with opinions, diatribes and renegade emotions anytime a drink or two goes down the hatch. The reactive unclassy behavior makes for some ugly consequences from time to time.

I definitely learned my lesson the time I lost my cool during a not-so-pretty break up and said something that I had to call and apologize for a few hours later. That incident signaled the end of any 20-something year old self-centered blame shifting on my part. Humbling myself to the point of apologizing to my newly “ex” boyfriend made me take a good hard look at my behavior and resolve to NEVER EVER say something like that again. Being classy seemed an infinitely better option from there on out.

“Taking the high road,” remaining a “gentleman” or “acting like a lady,” “white trash,” “hitting below the belt,” “reality TV” …we have a lot of terms describing the journey from class to trash. Continue reading →

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Posted in Culture, Dating, Etiquette, Humor, Keeping a Date, Personal

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How to be more emotionally low maintenance

Posted on April 7, 2009 | 3 Comments

If you’ve read my post on the definition of “high maintenance,” you know that I don’t think its always a bad thing to be considered “high maintenance.” The difficulties arrive when it emotionally harpoons another person into either meeting your (lets be honest — somewhat excessive) needs or walking on egg shells while trying to please you.

Expecting to be treated with respect and attention = good idea. Expecting slavish service to your desires = not so much.

Some signs that you might be emotionally “high maintenance:” Continue reading →

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Posted in Advice for Girls, Advice for Guys, Dating, Finding a Date, Keeping a Date, Relationship Advice

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