Scene: Anyplace where two interested parties are inspired to exchange contact information.
Situation: Boy asks girl for number. Girl gives boy correct number. Boy says “I’ll call you.” Girl waits many days for boy to call. Boy never calls.
So many answers for this question… and girls ask it constantly: ”Why didn’t he call?”
Please don’t read this as me saying the not calling is alright, I’m a big believer in doing what you say you’re going to do. But some of the funnier reasons I’ve heard girls use to excuse the delinquent behavior include things like:
- What if he got in a wreck and flirts with death in the hospital? (If so, he’s not likely going to want to see the girl he randomly met out at the bar last week… just sayin…)
- Maybe he lost my number or entered it in wrong on his phone so I should track him down… (And do you really want to go track down some guy who can’t even be bothered to double check with you to see if he got your number right?)
- I think my friends scared him off and now he’s afraid to call because they teased him all night so I’d better call and let him know I really am still interested. (Ummm, yeah. That’s exactly what happened.)
- His fingers could be broken and he became suddenly deaf and mute… (yes, this one tivos her soap operas for repeat viewings)
- Maybe I should find him on facebook in case he lost his phone/charger and can’t get in touch with me. (If he really wanted to find you… don’t you think this would have already occurred to him?)
Well, you get the picture. Some pretty funny things go on in the mind of a waiting girl. Here’s the deal ladies. After traveling around the country, interviewing guys and girls — one thing comes across loud and clear from the men out there… if they don’t call you, they aren’t interested. Yes, it sucks and you want to know why they bothered getting your info in the first place if they didn’t plan to call. They have no good answer to that question, but here are some of the reasons offered up:
- They don’t want to hurt your feelings and think not calling is the answer to that. (As if waiting in vain for a promised call is any better) Any number of reasons could have come up between getting your number and deciding not to call but the key thing to remember: they are deciding not to call.
- They actually don’t remember meeting you because they were too intoxicated/met too many women that night/were just on a hunt for numbers/etc. These guys would legitimately look at you in confusion if you did manage to track them down because you simply did not make a huge impact. Key to remember: they don’t remember you enough to call.
- They simply don’t care that you await a phone call, they don’t feel like calling.
- Many guys think that asking for your number is a good way to exit the conversation but aren’t really interested in taking it further than the initial conversation. Key to remember: You aren’t likely to convince them to look beyond their first impression, so just let it go.
It doesn’t matter if they ooogled and googled over you. They could have claimed that you were the love of their life. They could have even convinced you to come home with them. But if they don’t call… they just aren’t interested. I’m sorry. The chances of them being laid up and dying in the hospital are extremely slim and if he comes out of it and wants to see you… you WILL hear from him.
This goes for the one and done. Or several dates and fizzle. If a guy wants to be with you, he will make the effort to be with you. If he isn’t interested in anything more than the time you’ve already exchanged with him, he won’t take it further.
This is actually great news when you think about it because that means the guys who DO make the effort, DO want to be with you. Its a great sorting tool if you can take your pride out of the equation and be clear eyed about the situation. My mom gave me solid advice when going into college rush (I know, I know… I went to a southern school – give me a break! But, its a lot like dating when you think about it)… she reminded me that not every house was going to like me and if they did, I wasn’t being true to myself. Looking back on it, she was right. If I’d pleased every house from the peace-loving nature girls to the high maintenance country club party girls… I would have lost myself in the process. Same with dating. Not every guy is going to like you EVEN IF HE ASKS FOR YOUR NUMBER. So be glad he’s not calling and open yourself up to the guy who is.
p.s. to my libby readers who think its silly to wait for a guy to call and just go ahead and call him yourself. It all depends on what you want — if you are looking for a guy to lead and pursue, you’ve got to let him. If you want to be the hunter/gatherer in the relationship, then definitely pick up that phone! If you want equal partnership… it can come from both ways — its more up to what you do IN the relationship than who starts it.
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Confusing, man-eating, delicate flowers… yes, I know. Navigating the world of women when you are firmly in the Y chromosome category pose challenges that test the courage of many a man-child. Some men are lucky/smart enough to get a gal pal or two to decode the mysteries. Some men cannily do the research… things like reading good blogs on dating and mating in America or even getting a dating coach. But some poor sods continue to mope over a beer with the guys and bewail recent blunders, innocent mistakes and in short, continuing to make the same mistake again and again. Attracting the crazies.
Kimberly, a 27-year-old nanny in Atlanta, has had sex with three men in the past month. “I have a job, hobbies, and friends I love. A monogamous relationship is the only component of my life that is lacking — but I love it!” she says. “I want Mr. Right eventually, but for the time being, I’ve got needs, and Mr. Right Now will do just fine.” 
