Tag Archives: dating advice

The Tweet and Run: Or how to date smart in the world of social networking

Posted on June 1, 2009 | 3 Comments

Except for the under a rock dwellers, most people have embraced the rules that govern the Googleverse as far as being aware of what a name search will reveal about who you are and what you’ve done. Job seekers strive to create a professional presence through various means and business owners jockey for search placement but many of us seem to be forgetting that people also do personal name searches.

Realistically, I know very few people who don’t Google a potential date these days. There are some who maintain that they want to get to know their date the old fashioned way and refuse to Google until a few dates are under the belt, but for reasons spanning the gamut from safety to curiosity, most people will Google you before they ever meet you. So, what does a name search reveal about you and your attitude towards dating? 

You may scoff and think… nothing! Well, think again. Twitter, Linked In, Friend Feed, Facebook, Myspace, etc. are all beloved by that happy and busy Google search engine, so its time to take a minute and think about how you are not only coming across to a professional contact but also to a potential date.

A few rules of thumb for online image management: Continue reading →

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Posted in Advice for Girls, Advice for Guys, communication, Culture, Dating, Etiquette, Online Dating

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How To Not Mess It Up

Posted on May 28, 2009 | 5 Comments

Incredible! You’ve met someone you actually want to go out with again… and again. Don’t panic. Just because you messed up the last few does not mean you have to mess it up again. Take a deep breath, remember that you’re a catch that anyone would want to bring home to mom and read on…

A really hot, single guy friend of mine suggested this topic and actually led with a few salient points that I thought were so good… I decided to leave them as is. 

1. Slow down the physical and build the anticipation.
2. Keep your commitments to work, friends & plans. 
3. Don’t spend every minute with the person (even though you may want to)
4. Explore common interests but be true to what you actually like to do. Don’t “go along” just to please your person. Yoga, Watching sports, Camping – you will be miserable and a horrible date. Killing their fun and making them resent you.
5. Stay committed to your goals, not just your new relationship.
6. Introduce to your friends, family when appropriate. This can catch a bad decision early.
7. Explore values, life plans, thoughts on kids, etc. early and be brutally honest about what you want. Whatever you step over now will be the reason you break up later…after you invested (or wasted) 2 years of your life.

I know… easier said than done (especially that first one) but these are all great guidelines to keep in mind when you find yourself in a situation that you might deem a “keeper.” I try to keep this rule of thumb in mind at all times: “What you do to catch a person is what you have to do to keep a person.” So, if you change yourself to suit each partner that comes along… you may have a bit of a mess on your hands when you want to go back to “being yourself.”

Most people consider this a topic where the more wisdom, the better. So please add any ideas you may have uncovered in your dating journeys!

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Posted in Advice for Girls, Advice for Guys, Dating, Keeping a Date, Relationship Advice

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How Do You Meet Someone New?

Posted on May 26, 2009 | 6 Comments

Pullin’ on your party shirt, listening to a little Seether, returning a few last minute text messages about where “the gang” is meeting, sliding your keys off the table and heading out the door… but you are so not excited about going out tonight. Same places… same people wearing the same clothes, talking about the same things, doing the same things and hooking up with the same people… Week in and week out, its the same old thing. 

You love your friends but you know that doing the same ole same ole is doing nothing for your dating life. After all, you’ve explored all the possibilities within this circle, so how can you meet some new faces? Continue reading →

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Posted in Advice for Girls, Advice for Guys, Dating, Finding a Date

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If You Want To Get Attention In A Bar… Take A Kindle.

Posted on May 13, 2009 | 7 Comments

Apparently Amazon’s Kindle is more compelling than a smile, more of an invitation than eye contact and works better for an ice breaker than a cute little puppy dog. Honestly, the level of unsolicited attention kind of reminds me of how I felt when people decided they had an open invitation to chat simply because I drove a convertible in LA. Anyway…

I arrived at my hotel LATE last night and as a result, scrambled to make it to the bar downstairs before they stopped serving. I slid into the open seat at the bar, grabbed a menu and waved down the bartender to sneak in my order 10 minutes before the kitchen closed. Then, breathing a sigh of relief (I was HUNGRY), I flipped open my Kindle.

After years of flirting with baggage overage charges on my longer trips due to my voracious reading patterns, I finally caved last week and ordered a Kindle. I didn’t think I would like it as much as I do. I also had no clue it was going to be considered an open invitation to any male in the vicinity to approach and ask me about what I’m reading and why, how I like the Kindle and can they buy me a drink.

Perhaps this doesn’t surprise some of you. After all, the dating advice books all say to take along or wear a conversation starter when entering a new public venue. Team hat, funny t-shirt, interesting necklace… whatever would give another person an entrance to start talking to you. But, you see, I’ve been reading books in public for years. I simply have no fear of going to dinner with my literary flavor of the day for a date. And can safely say that rarely has anyone used that as a reason to talk to me. Perhaps its because I read books that improvise as dumbbells when away from a gym… but whatever the reason… the Kindle does not send the same literary spinster message as a hefty tome of historical fiction or the latest book on cultural development.

As I quickly discovered on my culinary adventure last night. Continue reading →

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Posted in Advice for Girls, Advice for Guys, Dating, Finding a Date, Humor, Personal

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Turning Inner Geek into Geek Chic

Posted on May 8, 2009 | 4 Comments

Unless you are super cool chic and addicted to all that is plastic and trendy, the likelihood of you having a bit of inner geek is pretty high. Come to think of it, some people would count an obsession with trends to be a bit geek as well. I guess that just means that all of us have something a little “uncool” hidden deep within or perhaps proudly sported on the surface. Even Ken and Barbie. I mean really — can we talk anatomical anomalies?

You all know I’m pretty opinionated about non-game-playing and authentic behavior when it comes to dating. And yes, at times you pay for it by losing a game-player or by revealing something to someone that may be a deal-breaker for them. But I hear a lot more stories about people falling in love with someones quirks, peccadilloes or the person behind the masks when they finally get over their fear and reveal the beautifully flawed gem within.

For those readers who have embraced the inner geek and turned it chic… bravo! You may feel free to skip reading this post and move on to another article that may seem a bit more relevant. But for the people maybe hiding something “uncool” from dates and mates or reluctant to just be fully transparent, read on…

Continue reading →

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Posted in Advice for Girls, Advice for Guys, Dating, Keeping a Date

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Handling Hurt Feelings

Posted on May 6, 2009 | 3 Comments

This may be a shocker for those of you who know me or have read this blog for a while, but sometimes its really easy for me to get my feelings hurt, especially when I’m feeling a bit over-exposed. Its like someone decides to sit beside me and “poke” “poke” at the uncovered nerves. Hate it!

So, being the productive human being that I am, I’ve thought through the things I do to try to slap down that nerve poking finger:

Slap Down Option #1: An opportunity to exercise my mental gymnastics in figuring out why that person would do something to make me feel yucky. Perhaps a 50/50 chance of getting rid of the poking finger since this one really only works for me when I can actually figure out something that clears both them and me of any wrong doing or ill intent. Otherwise, it makes for a long day of trying to mind read and second guessing. Typically a time waster. Blech

Slap Down Option #2: Taking a spin through my repertoire of bad words and internal epithets. This one works when there is definite wrong-doing involved and I can villain cast. The only problem…
Continue reading →

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Posted in Advice for Girls, Advice for Guys, Dating, Keeping a Date, Personal, Relationship Advice

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A Note To Guys About Helping Your Date Feel Safe

Posted on April 28, 2009 | 6 Comments

Safety — a huge concern for the modern dater. Most likely, the majority of men have never gone out on a date with a new person thinking that if you aren’t careful you could get raped. But I can promise you that the women you date have either had that thought cross their mind and planned around it or have experienced some bad mamma jamma with men somewhere along the way.

After all, Google just can’t substitute for a community that knew your date when he exited the womb. Its hard to check on a guy’s real background and we’ve all heard the stories of men with families or girlfriends in every city, the date rapist from the online dating site or the perv caught looking in his date’s window after dropping her at home earlier that evening. There are a ton of articles out there for the girls to read about how to be safe, but this post is really directed more towards the guys trying to understand it all.

When you are a trustworthy guy, it can be incredibly frustrating to have a new date shy away from letting you pick her up or agree to going over to your house … I mean, YOU know nothing is going to happen… but she doesn’t. Continue reading →

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Posted in Dating

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How to be more emotionally low maintenance

Posted on April 7, 2009 | 3 Comments

If you’ve read my post on the definition of “high maintenance,” you know that I don’t think its always a bad thing to be considered “high maintenance.” The difficulties arrive when it emotionally harpoons another person into either meeting your (lets be honest — somewhat excessive) needs or walking on egg shells while trying to please you.

Expecting to be treated with respect and attention = good idea. Expecting slavish service to your desires = not so much.

Some signs that you might be emotionally “high maintenance:” Continue reading →

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Posted in Advice for Girls, Advice for Guys, Dating, Finding a Date, Keeping a Date, Relationship Advice

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I like Me!

Posted on April 3, 2009 | Leave a comment

I like myself!

Arrogant? According to some, having a positive self-worth can be mistaken as a sign of arrogance, hubris or even being offensive. But, after interviewing as many people as I have over the course of the years, I see it as a sign of wisdom and maturity. 

The people who like themselves simply put up with less of the negative that can come with dating and mating. You don’t go out on a second date with someone who insulted or offended you on the first date. In fact, the self-assured almost never respond to someone who uses “negs,” put-downs or one-ups-manship by giving them more of your time… you cut off the contact and move along. Very rarely does a self-assured person let another take advantage of them physically, financially, emotionally or socially. You don’t date the abusers because you KNOW they can do better. You don’t tend to take break-ups personally, deciding instead to take the lesson offered and move on. You value their own time, attention and energy — choosing to not waste it on a bad news bear. Continue reading →

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Posted in Advice for Girls, Advice for Guys, Dating, Finding a Date, Keeping a Date, Relationship Advice

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Heartbreakers Fear Broken Hearts

Posted on March 26, 2009 | 4 Comments

If you’re known as a heart breaker, is it because you’re afraid to have your heart broken?

After breaking up with the majority or your relationships, you’ve seen a fair range of tears and anger, sighs and recriminations and my guess is… that you fear being on the receiving end of it. After all, you’ve seen what the pain of a broken heart can bring so why put yourself in the way of that steam roller?

The only problem with this mentality is that it means you always “play it safe.” It might be easy to hide behind reasons like being too picky or just not having met someone who could interest you long term. Or maybe you have some emotional scarring that keeps you from fully stepping up to the plate, preferring to play it safe in the batters box and look on the actual batters with distain, critique or hearty back slapping but know you’d rather it be them than you stepping into a place of possible failure.

Whatever the reasons, if you are a heartbreaker, it may be time to take a good, honest look at why you date people you don’t want to be with long term. Are you afraid to make eyes at the hot guy all the girls are swarming and take a risk of not being noticed? Perhaps feel like “SHE” would never go out with a guy like you so you’ll ask her friend out instead? Petrified of rejection?Or even worry that your friends or family won’t approve of the one you’ve got your heart set on so you date person after person and compare them to your dream? Or maybe you don’t even understand your own worth and end up dating drama queens or complete jerks and wonder why it keeps happening to you…

So many reasons to not take the time for reflection or risk the potential heart break, but like CS Lewis says, 

“There is no safe investment. To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one…

But in that casket — safe, dark, motionless, airless — it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell…” (full quote)

So, as one who has done my fair share of the breaking… perhaps its time to take on the risk and follow my heart to it’s actual destination instead of playing it safe. At the very least, it’ll make for good blog material. *grin*

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Posted in Advice for Girls, Advice for Guys, Breaking up, Dating, Finding a Date, Keeping a Date, Personal

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