Tag Archives: Culture

Failure To Launch

I posted this topic in 2008 in a little different light, but it seems to be an even more current issue today. So I’ve edited and reposted and am curious as to what you think. Is it better to get out on your own as quickly as you can, or find a way to keep your financial responsibilities as low as possible for as long as possible?

From the original post:

I was reading along on a news story the other day and saw a stat saying something like 1/3 of American men are still living at home. With their parents. Wait…back up…AMERICAN men? In a nation of independent, over-achieving capitalists, 1/3 of those capitalists between 22-34 are living at home?

I thought the movie “Failure To Launch” with McConaughey and SJP was a cute story about an improbability, but now I wonder. Combine that with the amount of women I know saying they won’t date someone who still lives with their parents, it really made me start to wonder if this is contributing to the marry later in life stats we see creeping into American life. It’s a little chicken and the egg. Are guys staying at home longer because they aren’t wanting to get married or are they not wanting to get married because they live at home and have a lot of those needs provided for? (And can get the sex pretty easily.)

Of course some people, like this blogger, think living with your parents is a great way to save money and keep your responsibilities low. Granted, with the current economy, any way to save money can bee seen as a good way to save money. But I’m not sure that seeing your parents as a free ride is the best way handle the economic crisis (especially considering you are chewing into the only cushion they have for retirement.) If you’re contributing while living at a lower rent level, well, then maybe you are helping the family as a whole. But probably at the expense of your dating life.

Continue reading

How To Survive The Holidays With Your New Significant Other

Holiday survival kit:

Items needed are as follows…

  • Several cups of good cheer (small bottles pack better)
  • One “free pass” in case of foot in mouth syndrome
  • One “free pass” for laughing at an embarrassing family story or baby picture
  • Code word for get me the h*ll out of here now
  • Decoder ring for spotting signs of social or emotional fatigue
  • Cheat sheet of all topics to avoid at the dinner table with the family (small enough to tape to side of dinner glass)
  • File of waterproofed family customs in case of emergency (hide in guest room toilet)
  • Family Tree complete with names, pictures and relations to study during travel
  • Coordinated communication on just how you met, what your plans are for the future, where you are staying while visiting (if it’s not obvious) and if you live together or not
  • Gassed up car to make a quick get away if needed

Holiday survival plan: Continue reading

Are You Hungry?

I have a confession to make. I was reading along in righteous indignation on this post about a serial meal ticket hunter whose game plan was to raise the ante from drinks to dinner for every date when I realized… wait a minute, I think I might have inadvertently done this myself a time or two. On those nights when I tried to fit in one too many things between work, work out and date — leading me to choose between shower or snack. I’ve definitely been guilty of showing up hungry (but clean) to what was only defined as a “drinks” date. Continue reading

Dear Men: Passivity is not your friend

After a heart to heart with one of my love-lorn “nice” guy friends this weekend, I thought perhaps a post on the difference between “nice” and “passive” might be worth writing. If you suspect that you’ve confused the two, here’s a kick in the pants from your favorite dating blogger. *grin*

I’m thinking the “nice guys finish last” saying should be changed to ”passive guys finish last.” After all, I know a lot of “nice” guys who do very well with the ladies, but they are definitely not passive. What’s the difference between nice and passive? “Nice” is a way to do unto others and “passive” is an attitude of letting others do unto you.

For American guys, dating is hard work. Continue reading

Is Googling Someone Considered Stalking?

Recently an intriguing site linked to one of my articlesallwomenstalk.com. At first I thought it read “All women’s talk” and thought… well, I can see the connection there and clicked over. But my interpretation wasn’t quite on the money. The title actually reads “All women stalk.”

Ok, so you have to admit, that’s funny. And while I realize the site is not, in fact, about stalking (as in the illegal kind) I started to wonder… is it true? Do all women stalk? Continue reading

How To Stop Hating Dating

Today, I’ve signed up for torture on the advice of a good friend. Some of you may consider my previous forms of exercise to be torture enough (Rowing, Advanced Pilates, Gyrotonics, Cardio Kickboxing, Core Blast, Wake Boarding, Skiing, Salsa, Swing Dancing, Personal Training, etc.) But I consider almost all of them to be fun. This afternoon, I’ve signed up for a TRX class… and despite the anticipated sore muscles I think it’s going to be great! (even though I’m writing this today in anticipation of not being able to type tomorrow.)

But as I was thinking about the whole resolutions game and getting in shape and being sore and all the crazy things that we do to ourselves in order to become “better” people, it occurred to me that changing the way we date can be just as daunting, time-consuming and muscle fatiguing as training for a new sport.

I mean really… you’ve got everything from stubble burn to heart burn… so, why do we do it? Love, sex, romance… moonlight kisses, beating hearts, butterflies and such? Marriage and family? Perhaps the intimacy of being known and loved for who you are… faults and all. All of the above? None of the above? Continue reading

The Secret of Dating Positive People

Our culture makes it pretty easy to focus on the problems. The issues. The deal-breakers and red flags. After all, critics decide where we go to eat and what movies we want to see. Parents teach children to watch out for the car that could hit you instead of why it’s fun to stay on the sidewalk. The news drones day in and day out about all the issues deemed newsworthy in our country, state, city… and usually, it’s all pretty bleak. Even Eharmony insists that you decide what your top 10 “can’t stands” are in order for you to send along your top 10 “must haves.”

I’m wondering if perhaps this consistent perusal of the negative unduly influences our dating and mating patterns. What would happen if we came home from a date or time with our partner and focused on all the great stuff that happened instead of the poor service at the restaurant or his lack of chivalry when it came to opening your door? After all… most people think the falling in love part is the most exciting time in a relationship and what do you do more when you are falling for someone than focus on all the positive things you love about that person?

Perhaps changing your focus would change the kind of people attracted to you. I’m not suggesting that you go from Chicken Little to Pollyanna, but maybe just a tweak or two in the stories you love to share, the way you recap a date for your friends or in how you think about your ex. Think about how it sounds when you go on and on about your crazy ex… I mean, after all, YOU decided to date/marry the crazy person you’re telling stories about. So what does that say about you?

There is one thing for certain about positive people… positive people like to be surrounded by those who support vision and dreams, not the ones who focus on the problems, issues and “yes, buts” of the day.

The secret to finding and dating positive people? Be one yourself.

How to Date with Extra Weight: Do you have a Fattitude?

We all know that everything from chemistry to compatibility come into the picture of defining the “whole package” for most people. Frankly, it’s easy for a dating “guru” or “expert” to suggest that you have to get it all into shape before you’ll be considered ready to date. After all, it brings them business in “fixing you.” Simply put, I don’t agree with the gurus. I think we are all a work in progress our entire lives. If you wait for “perfection,” you’re going to be alone for a long time.

Weight, fat, fitness, health… it’s a component that’s hard to overlook. And I don’t think you should. A lot of times, weight — either over or under optimal — indicates overall health. But not always. Most people are on a continuum between “biggest loser” and “I’ve given up.” The important thing is to be as far away from the “I’ve given up” extreme as possible. The closer you are to overcoming your mental challenges and attitude around weight loss, the more attractive you’re going to be to your date of choice whether you’ve attained “skinny” or not. A “fattitude” can really slow you down.

I’m consistently reading and hearing things like, “If you’re overweight you’ll never find someone good so just eat right, exercise and lose the weight!” Well, from someone who’s dealt with weight issues, there is nothing more frustrating than having a skinny person blithely throw off advice like Continue reading

Is Age Really Just A Number?

Disclaimer: today’s blog is more along the lines of personal musings and not intended to smite other’s opinions on this subject. I know age is a tricky topic when it comes to dating and mating.

I’ll admit, I’m a bit sad today. I’ve been reading through a lot of dating blogs and articles online and am seeing a repeated trend of if you’re this age it means _____. If a guy is 40 something and never married it means this, if a girl is in her 30′s it means that. Do we really have to do this to ourselves? I’ve been guilty, I know. And perhaps it’s naive to think that age doesn’t have to factor into the dating equation, but why do we have to be so pejorative about it?

Honestly, I’ve been known to tease my 30 something guy friends for continually being disappointed by love when they keep dating girls younger than 24 and I’ve been a victim of dating a guy a few years younger than me where his friends and family all told him Continue reading

Social Media Dating Etiquette

“So, I got this INSANE email from some girl claiming to be his girlfriend on Facebook today…”

Raise your hand if you or a friend have started off a story like that since entering the world of social media. (OK, you can put your hand down now… your co-workers might be wondering…)  A guy friend of mine recently told me about some girl who is mad at him for breaking up with her and is contacting every new person he “friends,” telling them that he’s a womanizer with herpes.

And lest you think it’s all crazy chicks, Continue reading