Tag Archives: communication

Dear Men: Passivity is not your friend

Posted on January 25, 2010 | 24 Comments

After a heart to heart with one of my love-lorn “nice” guy friends this weekend, I thought perhaps a post on the difference between “nice” and “passive” might be worth writing. If you suspect that you’ve confused the two, here’s a kick in the pants from your favorite dating blogger. *grin*

I’m thinking the “nice guys finish last” saying should be changed to ”passive guys finish last.” After all, I know a lot of “nice” guys who do very well with the ladies, but they are definitely not passive. What’s the difference between nice and passive? “Nice” is a way to do unto others and “passive” is an attitude of letting others do unto you.

For American guys, dating is hard work. Continue reading →

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Posted in Advice for Guys, Culture, Dating, Finding a Date, Keeping a Date, Relationship Advice

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“All Men Are Dogs”

Posted on January 21, 2010 | 2 Comments

What Dogs Do

I’m always interested when I hear a guy say this, because, in fact, I know a lot of great guys who are not dogs. (Well, they are dogs in the cute, cuddly and loyal sense but not in the pejorative sense.) So, why would a guy make this statement? Especially to follow-up any protestations with statements like: “Well, if you don’t think he’s a dog, it’s just because you don’t REALLY know him.” Or my favorite, “Just give him time.” You would think the guy would NOT want you to think men are dogs because then you might decide to become a cat person.

But I think he’s going for a bit of reverse psychology to excuse his own doggish behavior. You see, dogs are pack creatures by nature and not typically cut out to be a lone wolf. So if he can convince himself AND you that all men are just like him — then he has an interior justification for what he does and “good” reason you should accept his dog-like behavior. (Because anything better simply isn’t available.)

So, I’ve decided to add this statement to my rolodex of yellow/orange flags. Why not red? Well, sometimes a guy is just saying it because he’s mistakenly trying to commiserate with your bad date dog stories and intends to follow-up his statement with something like… “My mom and sisters taught me better.”

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Posted in Advice for Girls, communication, Dating

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Maybe I Really Shouldn’t Have Said That…

Posted on January 11, 2010 | 10 Comments

I’m going to venture into uncharted territory today and make an “all” statement… I think, at one time or another, we’ve ALL opened our mouth and said something we later came to regret.

Even you quiet sorts that I’m always encouraging to communicate and speak your mind, I’m betting that even you have said something you deeply wished you could retract after the fact. (Of course, maybe you became a quiet sort after one of those peppermint flavored shoe experiences…)

Yes, communication is vital. I would say it’s one of the top 3 determining factors in the success or failure of a relationship… be it marriage, dating, friendship, work, family, etc. But part of communication is Continue reading →

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Posted in Dating

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Are You Really Intimidating?

Posted on January 6, 2010 | 34 Comments

Ok ladies, I’m betting you’ve heard this one before… “The reason guys don’t ask you out is because you’re intimidating.”

My personal take on it before I got the guy feedback? I thought there were a couple of reasons a guy might tell you you’re “intimidating:”

  1. I don’t want to insult you, but I’m not going to ask you out.
  2. I’m overwhelmed/impressed/a bit in awe at how together you are/hot you are/accomplished you are/etc.
  3. I’m not sure I have anything to offer/you don’t put out the vibe that you think I have anything to offer
  4. You’re totally not approachable/I’m a chicken checking to see if you’d consider going out with me anyway.

I did some unofficial polling on my FB and Twitter feeds to ask the men-folk what they were *really* thinking  when they said this one and, of course, had a LOT of women weigh in with an opinion. But here are the guy replies to my question… Continue reading →

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Posted in Advice for Girls, communication, Dating

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On Text Flirting: A Guy’s POV

Posted on December 16, 2009 | 5 Comments

As always… my friends provide the most interesting topics. This one is a guy’s point of view on flirting via emoticons and conTEXTual innuendos…

Text Flirting by Kyle Nowakowski
Since the majority of communication is non-verbal, I think we have to be especially cautious when flirting (or avoiding flirtation) via emails and texts. If someone is having a conversation with a person they are interested in, it’s natural for the person to try and pick up on cues that he/she sends, and vice versa, whether it be during a conversation the two are having in person or writing each other via email. The problem with trying to pick up cues via email is that you don’t have a lot of options to send someone via email to show that you’re interested. And if you do want to send some cues, you usually have to make them blatantly obvious. For example, “That was a great book recommendation. Thanks :) ”  versus “That was a great book recommendation. Thanks ;) “

To me, a dude, Continue reading →

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Posted in Advice for Girls, Advice for Guys, communication, Dating, Etiquette, Online Dating

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Long Distance Romance

Posted on November 11, 2009 | 4 Comments

**In honor of the men and women who are not Veterans YET, I thought I would re-post about Long Distance Relationships since I’m sure that you have more than your fair share of experience in this arena.

Happy Veteran’s Day!**

Long distance romance. Plausible or just a pain?

I’ve been getting lots of requests for a few posts on long distance romance, so lets talk about it.

Some people claim they will go anywhere and do anything for love. Traveling every other weekend to see each other, moving states and jobs, living with a phone in their ear and keyboard under their fingers. Others scoff at the possibility of making it last claiming things like “out of sight, out of mind,” “how can you really get to know someone when you aren’t living close enough to each other to ‘do life’ together,” or even that they might find love at a distance but settle for the person thats closer at hand since life is complicated enough without adding in some improbable relationship into the mix.

So, did you happen to meet someone from another city and don’t know if you can make it work? Were you blissfully bumping along in the same town and then one or the other of you got transferred? Personally, I think anything is possible, but you have to know yourself well to know if long distance is a possibility for you. A long distance relationship (LDR) brings the same set of challenges a local relationship does plus Continue reading →

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Posted in Advice for Girls, Advice for Guys, Dating, Keeping a Date, Online Dating, Relationship Advice

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Everybody Lies

Posted on September 8, 2009 | 8 Comments

While catching up on some of my favorite blogs this weekend, I ran across an interesting comment string about truth and lies in dating. Simone, a NYC dating blogger, related a story about how she discovered that one of her recent dates lied about his age on his online profile. She went ahead with the date anyway, not caring about his actual age (it was well within her parameters) but a little more wary due to the initial lie about it. Assorted follies happened over the next week or two and Mr. Nicepost became a footnote in her blog history before they ever got to the third date.

But, as the comments got rolling, a definite dichotomy in opinion emerged. One side claimed that “everyone lies” so what’s the big deal while the other side Continue reading →

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Posted in communication, Dating, Online Dating

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Vulnerability: How and When Do You Share?

Posted on September 2, 2009 | 4 Comments

My group of friends circled around a dating issue this past week that we’ve all struggled with at one time or another… when do you let down your guard in a relationship? I realized that this may, in fact, be a largely determining factor in what kind of relationships you end up having with your sex of choice.

Continue reading →

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Posted in Advice for Girls, Advice for Guys, communication, Dating, Personal, Relationship Advice

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How To Plan A Trip Together

Posted on August 27, 2009 | 1 Comment

Something most daters claim to find incredibly important, attitudes about travel can bring a couple closer together or smash a relationship to smithereens. I know guys who refuse to consider getting “serious” with a girl until they take a road trip together and girls who carefully watch just how well their man handles snafus on a trip. Some couples leave happy and come home broken up. For something that’s supposed to be fun, travel can really take it’s toll on a couple.

There are all kinds of trip planning services on the net, so I’ll skip that portion of things. This post is more about how to accommodate each other as a couple and get back in one piece emotionally. If you’re thinking that it’s time to vacation together, take a minute to read ahead and see what kind of traveller your partner tends to be…

Continue reading →

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Posted in Advice for Girls, Advice for Guys, communication, Dating, Relationship Advice

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Can You Ever Date a Friend’s Ex?

Posted on August 24, 2009 | 1 Comment

The question of the day from a reader: How long are you expected to stay loyal to a friend and not date their ex?

Interesting dilemma since both guy and girl code are pretty specific on this one point… Thou shalt NOT date a friend’s ex.

Notwithstanding the incestuous dating groups, most friendships have a hard time weathering the storm of when a current friend becomes interested in an old flame. Consequently, most of the people I know who value their friendships try to avoid the scenario all together. But what do you do when it seems that the statute of possession limitations has honestly run out and you think this guy or girl just might be your ideal drink of water?

Continue reading →

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Posted in Advice for Girls, Advice for Guys, Culture, Dating, Etiquette

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