Tag Archives: Breaking up

Guest Post: House Flipper… Relationship Fixer

Posted on May 11, 2011 | 1 Comment

Thanks to one of my fellow bloggers for this guest post. It’s a good thing to learn… that dating to change someone thing… no bueno. Enjoy!

I’m a flipper. A house flipper that is. It’s what I do. I see a diamond in the rough and imagine it with a little spit and polish. Perhaps some new tiles and nice stainless steel appliances. A new roof and trimming up the trees. Ripping out carpet and refinishing some old wood floors.

Yes, I love the process. Making all the decisions to really create a new home for a young family or perhaps a newly married couple. It can really be fun. But to be honest, I like the smaller flips in up and coming neighborhoods. You know why? Well, typically I can get the best bang for my buck on the re-sale. I fix the cosmetic, look for houses that don’t need structural fixes and get really really excited about selling the house and cashing in. Then, I move on to the next.

Why am I telling you all of this? Well, last year, I realized that I’ve been flipping relationships. Sound familiar? Continue reading →

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Posted in Advice for Girls, Advice for Guys, Dating, Keeping a Date, Relationship Advice

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How to Get Over Your Ex

Posted on March 9, 2011 | Leave a comment

If you ARE the toxic Ex:

Perhaps you started reading the previous article full of self-righteous vim and vigor only to start recognizing someone as you read it… yourself.

There are certainly times in life when you feel very justified in lashing out or holding onto someone who you can’t bear to let go without sharing your mind. I’ve been there. Twice. I could go into all kinds of justification and reasons why I reached out after the break-up (wanting to speak my mind, gain closure, because I was lonely, etc.) but the long and short of it came down to me being selfish. I wanted what I wanted whether they wanted to give it to me or not. (I’m sure they painted me as a crazy chick to their current partner. *cringe*)

If you ARE the toxic ex, I empathize Continue reading →

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Posted in Breaking up, Advice for Girls, Advice for Guys

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He Done You Wrong… So Why Are You Berating Yourself?

Posted on June 14, 2010 | 12 Comments

Guys, I need your input on this one, but let me set it up first…

Boy meets girl. Girl falls for boy. Mutual happiness ensues. Until it doesn’t. Boy does girl wrong. Girl gets furious. Break up happens. Girl beats herself about the head for not preventing what happened/not seeing it coming/etc.

So my question for you guys…do guys blame themselves for not “seeing it coming” when a girl does them wrong?

And girls…why do we do that anyway? After all, no one can control the actions another person decides to take. Yes, there are usually signs to see, but there’s also a reason for the old adage “love makes us blind.” And if we never take the risk to love, then we’ll never experience the transporting joy of loving and being loved. No risk, no reward.

So why isn’t it easier to accept that we all miss the signs from time to time and trust the wrong person? Or that, in reality, no person is perfect and even the people we date or end up with and even ourselves will make mistakes… more than once. *gasp*

Why is it so critical that we find some way to blame ourselves for another person’s bad decision?

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Posted in Breaking up, Dating, Relationship Advice

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Social Media Dating Etiquette

Posted on August 19, 2009 | 6 Comments

“So, I got this INSANE email from some girl claiming to be his girlfriend on Facebook today…”

Raise your hand if you or a friend have started off a story like that since entering the world of social media. (OK, you can put your hand down now… your co-workers might be wondering…)  A guy friend of mine recently told me about some girl who is mad at him for breaking up with her and is contacting every new person he “friends,” telling them that he’s a womanizer with herpes.

And lest you think it’s all crazy chicks, Continue reading →

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Posted in communication, Culture, Dating, Etiquette, Online Dating, Relationship Advice

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It may be a heart breaking economy but what’s the upside?

Posted on July 29, 2009 | Leave a comment

According to a survey released by  ING Direct on Monday, (don’t ask me why an international bank would be asking questions about romance on a survey… but anyway…) this recession is breaking American hearts. Apparently, we are weathering the storm less gracefully than our romantically inclined counterparts in other countries.

Survey says Continue reading →

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Posted in Advice for Girls, Advice for Guys, Breaking up, Culture, Dating, Keeping a Date

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What to Do When the Ex Wants You Back.

Posted on July 14, 2009 | 4 Comments

After interviewing so many people, I’ve heard stories about how getting back together was the best decision they ever made or the worst train wreck in history that ended with someone in jail. And everything in between. I suppose it really comes down to the two people involved and the motives at the heart of it all to figure out if its going to stick or not. But what do you do when that person is you and your ex is trying to get you back?

If you’ve been avidly following my blog, you may have seen my post about being friends with the ex. Its possible to have a great friendship, but what happens when your ex starts breaking the “friends only” rules? Here you are, in a good relationship/new relationship/exciting relationship/recovered your mojo phase/etc and up pops your ex with talk about how great the two of you were together, what if you tried one more time… Continue reading →

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Posted in Advice for Girls, Advice for Guys, Breaking up, Dating, Relationship Advice

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Playing with Fire Makes for Nasty Burns

Posted on June 11, 2009 | 8 Comments

It started as something a bit naughty and perhaps forbidden. Oh the delight as butterflies danced in your tummy… when to see this delicious specimen of humanity again? Hard to keep your hands off each other. Definitely a challenge to not pass too much emotion right along with that sample of the wine in your glass. Sighs, giggles and lingering looks as you part. Loving the chemistry and excitement. You have no idea why you crave this person so much…

And when you close the door behind you, you know you’ve got to end it. That beyond all shadow of a doubt, this is NOT a good relationship for you. For whatever reason… you don’t have the same beliefs, he can be somewhat mean when your friends aren’t around, she’s dating another guy (and has been — seriously — for years), your kids HATE him, she’s an unrepentant addict, you only like each other when rolling around in the sheets… whatever the reason, you know that you’re spending time with someone who’s not your Mr. or Ms. Right.

You may not be able to explain to your body that you’ve got to end it once and for all, but your mind is all on board.  Continue reading →

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Posted in Advice for Girls, Advice for Guys, Breaking up, Dating, Humor, Personal

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To Friend or Not to Friend: The Ex is the Question.

Posted on June 2, 2009 | 11 Comments

I read a post yesterday that really made me think about the whole “to friend or not friend” an ex question. Roxanne shared on her blog that she’s not only friends with her exes but that they have taught her valuable lessons about herself she’s using to help her along the dating path. To be honest, it was incredibly refreshing to see that there is another “bizarre” girl out there like me who enjoys being friends with the ex. 

There are a few caveats in my world that will keep an ex on the “not friend” list. Things like Continue reading →

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Posted in Breaking up, Personal

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Letting Go of the Control Freak

Posted on April 21, 2009 | 4 Comments

We meet the control freaks at work and we can’t do much except to learn to work with them or look for other opportunities. We’ve likely all felt the controlling hand of a parent who can’t let go or a friend who thinks they know better than we do. Some of us are the control freaks who don’t know how or when to let go and some of us just date them.

The difference between a “control freak” and someone who is just really organized and detail oriented? Trying to control the thoughts and actions of friends/family/dates/coworkers and being unable to take a big picture view. Does it really matter that the dishwasher isn’t loaded your way and the towels are folded “wrong?” Does it matter more that he brought you the right color roses or that he brought you roses at all?
Continue reading →

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Posted in Advice for Girls, Advice for Guys, Culture, Dating, Keeping a Date, Relationship Advice

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Heartbreakers Fear Broken Hearts

Posted on March 26, 2009 | 4 Comments

If you’re known as a heart breaker, is it because you’re afraid to have your heart broken?

After breaking up with the majority or your relationships, you’ve seen a fair range of tears and anger, sighs and recriminations and my guess is… that you fear being on the receiving end of it. After all, you’ve seen what the pain of a broken heart can bring so why put yourself in the way of that steam roller?

The only problem with this mentality is that it means you always “play it safe.” It might be easy to hide behind reasons like being too picky or just not having met someone who could interest you long term. Or maybe you have some emotional scarring that keeps you from fully stepping up to the plate, preferring to play it safe in the batters box and look on the actual batters with distain, critique or hearty back slapping but know you’d rather it be them than you stepping into a place of possible failure.

Whatever the reasons, if you are a heartbreaker, it may be time to take a good, honest look at why you date people you don’t want to be with long term. Are you afraid to make eyes at the hot guy all the girls are swarming and take a risk of not being noticed? Perhaps feel like “SHE” would never go out with a guy like you so you’ll ask her friend out instead? Petrified of rejection?Or even worry that your friends or family won’t approve of the one you’ve got your heart set on so you date person after person and compare them to your dream? Or maybe you don’t even understand your own worth and end up dating drama queens or complete jerks and wonder why it keeps happening to you…

So many reasons to not take the time for reflection or risk the potential heart break, but like CS Lewis says, 

“There is no safe investment. To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one…

But in that casket — safe, dark, motionless, airless — it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell…” (full quote)

So, as one who has done my fair share of the breaking… perhaps its time to take on the risk and follow my heart to it’s actual destination instead of playing it safe. At the very least, it’ll make for good blog material. *grin*

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Posted in Advice for Girls, Advice for Guys, Breaking up, Dating, Finding a Date, Keeping a Date, Personal

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