Tag Archives: body language

Let’s Talk Body Language

We’ve all been there…the date where you just missed the cues… She wanted you to kiss her and you shook her hand instead. He wanted to be anywhere but there and you couldn’t stop telling that story about your grandmother’s teacup poodle. When you forget to pay attention to your audience… you run the risk of being “that” date living on your date’s oral tradition of crazy date stories.

How to avoid missing the details within the big picture? Pay attention to the non-verbal cues. She may say yes to date #2, but is she really going to answer your call? Continue reading

Why Eye Contact May Save Your Relationship

Picture this. You spend quite a lot of time with your partner. In fact, you see him/her every night or just about. You may be married, living together or dating but whatever the label, your significant other is the person you spend the most time with in the world.

Now imagine, you go to dinner one night and your partner leans in to tell you something VERY serious. She pushes her plate out-of-the-way and leans in, looking you eye to eye and says ” I feel like we don’t spend any quality time together.”

There is a moment of disbelief and then you think… she’s kidding… right? Continue reading

How To Get A Girl’s Number

Approach anxiety? I totally get it. I’m notorious for not being able to make and MAINTAIN eye contact with a guy I’m interested in getting to know better (the girl version of an approach.) An actual date? No problem. Guys I don’t know very well, but have a crush on? Problem! Stupid remnants of childhood shyness. *sigh* It must be even harder for you guys to reach out to a girl you’re interested in asking out…

So, here are some tricks of the trade from a girl’s point of view on not only approaching a girl you’re interested in but walking away with her number: Continue reading

Top 10 Posts of 2009: From Text to Sex

Very, very rarely do I get on a bandwagon since they rarely seem to be going somewhere interesting… but I’m loving all the year in review posts I’m reading this week. So… the Top 10 posts of 2009 is a wagon I’m getting on. Buckle up for a cruise through the top 10 most read posts on Dating and Mating in America this year. I thought I would add the twist of divulging the inspiration behind each post. (You may be surprised …)

1. How To Date An Entrepreneur

Easily the top post of 2009 generating more views, comments, private emails and link-backs than rest of the top 3 combined. Honestly, this one was a bit of a shocker for me. I guess I didn’t think there were THAT many people dating entrepreneurs out there since we all seem to be inundated with too much work to find much play time, but I was wrong. I got emails from thankful business owners who had printed and posted the article for their husband/wife to read as they walked by the refrigerator every day. Wiki How published the content soon after it posted on my blog. I was accused of pandering to gold diggers by those who didn’t read the post and fired  upon by daddy’s girls who never saw the hard work side of what their father had to do to build his business. All in all, I loved the conversation and discussion the post generated. But what I loved most of all was hearing from the people who were about to break up with their entrepreneur until they read the article and realized that not only were they not alone… there was a method to the madness.

My inspiration was simple… I am an entrepreneur, raised by an entrepreneur who has dated entrepreneurs. It really is a different world. Not bad, just different. And it takes a certain kind of someone to be able to go with the flow when dating or mating those of us who live in the land of self-employment.

My greatest challenge? Spelling entrepreneur.

2. Does Hooking Up Hurt You?

Inspiration on this one unfortunately came from real life. I had just gotten out of a month of hearing one friend after another hurt by “no strings” hook-ups only to discover that strings were, in fact, attached. I learned this lesson the hard way myself a few years ago and have done what I am able to honor the fact that I’m a pretty typical girl on this point. When I read Oakley’s article, I knew I wanted to share it and see what my readers thought.

3. Don’t Be So Sure You’re In The Friend Zone

You can see the inspiration for this post in the first paragraph — totally real life and contrary to my normal practice, right on target with what was going on in my own life. Personally, I tend to not think too much about the friend zone. If I’m in it, well, then that’s that and I move on to someone else… but I have wondered a time or two…

4. What Does It Mean That He Asked Me Out For A Weekday Night?

Despite my awkward title, this post continues to generate read after read which gives me the giggles since it’s just my own personal take on something silly. My inspiration was a friend’s question as to what it could possibly mean that he’d asked her out for a Tuesday and my reply was… “That he wants to go out with you?”

5. How To Know When Someone Is Rebounding

I love this one. It was fun to write and I was able to borrow quite a bit from all the crazy stories I hear from daters all over the country. Not to mention… a recent ex of mine and I were rebounding after our break up (yes, there were some funny stories attached to that one as well.)

Not surprisingly, “rebound” is a search term I see almost everyday on my stats page.

6. High Maintenance/Low Maintenance

Another fun one to write. My inspiration came from celebrities, friends, stories, “When Harry Met Sally” (who doesn’t get inspired by that movie?) When I lived in LA, I used to say that I wouldn’t date a guy who took longer than me to get ready. I suppose that isn’t very fair considering I take about 20 minutes max and the LA guys do LOVE their hair products… but what can I say? I was young. I suppose that doesn’t excuse that I still feel the same way today… hummmmm…

7. You May Be In The Friend Zone If…

No surprise here… more friend zone questions. This one was inspired directly by a blog comment on my first friend zone post.

8. Let’s Talk Body Language

One of my more practical application posts, I’ve used this one pretty heavily as reference in other posts. Body language is a huge part of communication and something I’m somewhat fascinated by. It’s also a big reason I’m not a huge phone talker… I think I really just get a better feel for someone when I can see beyond what they are saying :)

9. Email, Text and Phone Call Return Etiquette

Inspiration here came from multiple friend conversations about being “over” texting or the guys not calling thing and then wham… I went to see “He’s Just Not That Into You” which brought the whole post together. Monica Hesse from the Washington Post interviewed me about this topic… bringing my first mention as a dating writer in a national pub (exciting) and I had a lot of fun fielding the comment and email questions this post brought up.

10. What Do You Do With A Bad Kisser?

Along with searches for sex and “granny mating” (don’t ask, I don’t want to know) come the constant searches about bad kissing. Finally, I decided to write a post sharing my own bad kissing experience just for fun. And you all can apparently relate.

Honorable Mentions

These posts all came within a few hits of being in the top 10…

Long Distance Romance

**In honor of the men and women who are not Veterans YET, I thought I would re-post about Long Distance Relationships since I’m sure that you have more than your fair share of experience in this arena.

Happy Veteran’s Day!**

Long distance romance. Plausible or just a pain?

I’ve been getting lots of requests for a few posts on long distance romance, so lets talk about it.

Some people claim they will go anywhere and do anything for love. Traveling every other weekend to see each other, moving states and jobs, living with a phone in their ear and keyboard under their fingers. Others scoff at the possibility of making it last claiming things like “out of sight, out of mind,” “how can you really get to know someone when you aren’t living close enough to each other to ‘do life’ together,” or even that they might find love at a distance but settle for the person thats closer at hand since life is complicated enough without adding in some improbable relationship into the mix.

So, did you happen to meet someone from another city and don’t know if you can make it work? Were you blissfully bumping along in the same town and then one or the other of you got transferred? Personally, I think anything is possible, but you have to know yourself well to know if long distance is a possibility for you. A long distance relationship (LDR) brings the same set of challenges a local relationship does plus Continue reading

How to be a Great Date with Extra Weight (Part 2)

Earlier this week, I talked about “fattitude” holding you back. Today’s post is all about what happens when you let go of the fattitude and are ready for the next step… going out on dates without your attitude weighing you down.

Men and women are both falling under the weight restriction requirements of our culture these days. Fashion designers have determined that women must be a size 0-4 in order to be considered “beautiful” (and “plus size” is anything over a size 10) and men are supposed to have ripped abs, a gun show and thick hair even into their 60′s. Unfortunately for the other 90% of the population, some of those things weren’t even possible in our early 20′s.

What pop culture doesn’t emphasize is that there are many men and women out there who could care less about weight, hair follicles or ab ripplage. A good guy friend of mine pleaded with me to cover the fact that not every guy looks at women

Continue reading

How to Date with Extra Weight: Do you have a Fattitude?

We all know that everything from chemistry to compatibility come into the picture of defining the “whole package” for most people. Frankly, it’s easy for a dating “guru” or “expert” to suggest that you have to get it all into shape before you’ll be considered ready to date. After all, it brings them business in “fixing you.” Simply put, I don’t agree with the gurus. I think we are all a work in progress our entire lives. If you wait for “perfection,” you’re going to be alone for a long time.

Weight, fat, fitness, health… it’s a component that’s hard to overlook. And I don’t think you should. A lot of times, weight — either over or under optimal — indicates overall health. But not always. Most people are on a continuum between “biggest loser” and “I’ve given up.” The important thing is to be as far away from the “I’ve given up” extreme as possible. The closer you are to overcoming your mental challenges and attitude around weight loss, the more attractive you’re going to be to your date of choice whether you’ve attained “skinny” or not. A “fattitude” can really slow you down.

I’m consistently reading and hearing things like, “If you’re overweight you’ll never find someone good so just eat right, exercise and lose the weight!” Well, from someone who’s dealt with weight issues, there is nothing more frustrating than having a skinny person blithely throw off advice like Continue reading

What Makes a Bad Kiss a “Bad Kiss?”

Since so many readers jumped on the comment bandwagon on my Facebook feed about the bad kisser post, I thought a follow-up post on what constitutes a “bad kiss” would be appropriate. In my opinion, in no particular order:

  1. Excess slobber. If a towel or spittoon are needed for clean up after a kiss… there’s not likely to be another.
  2. Belief in adage “the more tongue, the better.” Please know in advance: yes, I still have tonsils and my wisdom teeth have been removed…you really don’t need to double check. Thank you.
  3. The Mamma Bird/Baby Bird Technique: Please refrain from opening hatch and waiting for me to deposit something. I might be tempted to get a worm from the bait shop just to see if that’s what you’re looking for.
  4. Blood. Any blood drawn and you get sent back over to the Vampire Academy for more lessons.
  5. Back pats or dry, hard lip pecks — nothing says “kissing my brother” (unless we’re talking Hilary Swank) more than that kind of body language.
  6. No Kiss at all. If you’re trying to skip the kiss ala “Pretty Woman,” I won’t be giving you the green card to move along to the other activities at which you are so obviously aiming.
  7. Face licking. Ewwww. Not even my dog thinks face licking is cool.
  8. Weird clicking or popping sounds that make me think you might be trying to imitate Larvell Jones in the Police Academy movies.
  9. Bad breath or body odor. Yup, I’m one of the finicky people.
  10. Lizard Kissing. I’m not a huge reptile fan so, in my book, the kiss is over quicker the faster the flicker.
  11. Mashing. If I’m worried about tooth chips or losing the top 3 layers of skin to stubble, I’ll skip the call to my dentist and dermatologist by avoiding further opportunities with a masher.
  12. Sucker Fish Kissing. If I’m worried about having hickeys on my cheek the next day, you are so done.
  13. Passivity. If you are about as responsive as a pillow, I’ll send you to casting for the next young adult movie featuring the joys of abstinence.
  14. The Air Block. Please make sure I can continue to breathe.

I’d love to hear about what you think makes a kiss “bad” or “good” so please comment away! And note that yes, I know that kissing is a personal preference thing. This list contains my personal preferences and I understand that you could find all of the above totally sexy. (However, if you do, please refrain from asking me out.)

How Do You Meet Someone New?

Pullin’ on your party shirt, listening to a little Seether, returning a few last minute text messages about where “the gang” is meeting, sliding your keys off the table and heading out the door… but you are so not excited about going out tonight. Same places… same people wearing the same clothes, talking about the same things, doing the same things and hooking up with the same people… Week in and week out, its the same old thing. 

You love your friends but you know that doing the same ole same ole is doing nothing for your dating life. After all, you’ve explored all the possibilities within this circle, so how can you meet some new faces? Continue reading

Avoid the First Date Let Down

I’m realizing that the busier my schedule gets and the wiser I become in the ways of dating — online and otherwise — that long, drawn out bouts of emailing and calling without ever meeting can really create an interesting phenomenon. A house of cards built on a foundation of air.

Not only does your romantic stranger “know” more about you than you mother thanks to all those emails and wistful, late night calls… you don’t even know if any real potential exists with this person. That magic “C” word: chemistry. The person may not look like their photos or even remotely live up to the picture of charm, charisma and faux-love you have built up in your heart for this virtual stranger. They may not even smell right when it comes right down to it.

So what do you do when the build up just doesn’t match up? Continue reading