Our culture makes it pretty easy to focus on the problems. The issues. The deal-breakers and red flags. After all, critics decide where we go to eat and what movies we want to see. Parents teach children to watch out for the car that could hit you instead of why it’s fun to stay on the sidewalk. The news drones day in and day out about all the issues deemed newsworthy in our country, state, city… and usually, it’s all pretty bleak. Even Eharmony insists that you decide what your top 10 “can’t stands” are in order for you to send along your top 10 “must haves.”
I’m wondering if perhaps this consistent perusal of the negative unduly influences our dating and mating patterns. What would happen if we came home from a date or time with our partner and focused on all the great stuff that happened instead of the poor service at the restaurant or his lack of chivalry when it came to opening your door? After all… most people think the falling in love part is the most exciting time in a relationship and what do you do more when you are falling for someone than focus on all the positive things you love about that person?
Perhaps changing your focus would change the kind of people attracted to you. I’m not suggesting that you go from Chicken Little to Pollyanna, but maybe just a tweak or two in the stories you love to share, the way you recap a date for your friends or in how you think about your ex. Think about how it sounds when you go on and on about your crazy ex… I mean, after all, YOU decided to date/marry the crazy person you’re telling stories about. So what does that say about you?
There is one thing for certain about positive people… positive people like to be surrounded by those who support vision and dreams, not the ones who focus on the problems, issues and “yes, buts” of the day.
The secret to finding and dating positive people? Be one yourself.
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Confusing, man-eating, delicate flowers… yes, I know. Navigating the world of women when you are firmly in the Y chromosome category pose challenges that test the courage of many a man-child. Some men are lucky/smart enough to get a gal pal or two to decode the mysteries. Some men cannily do the research… things like reading good blogs on dating and mating in America or even getting a dating coach. But some poor sods continue to mope over a beer with the guys and bewail recent blunders, innocent mistakes and in short, continuing to make the same mistake again and again. Attracting the crazies.
