Tag Archives: advice

Long Distance Romance

Posted on November 11, 2009 | 4 Comments

**In honor of the men and women who are not Veterans YET, I thought I would re-post about Long Distance Relationships since I’m sure that you have more than your fair share of experience in this arena.

Happy Veteran’s Day!**

Long distance romance. Plausible or just a pain?

I’ve been getting lots of requests for a few posts on long distance romance, so lets talk about it.

Some people claim they will go anywhere and do anything for love. Traveling every other weekend to see each other, moving states and jobs, living with a phone in their ear and keyboard under their fingers. Others scoff at the possibility of making it last claiming things like “out of sight, out of mind,” “how can you really get to know someone when you aren’t living close enough to each other to ‘do life’ together,” or even that they might find love at a distance but settle for the person thats closer at hand since life is complicated enough without adding in some improbable relationship into the mix.

So, did you happen to meet someone from another city and don’t know if you can make it work? Were you blissfully bumping along in the same town and then one or the other of you got transferred? Personally, I think anything is possible, but you have to know yourself well to know if long distance is a possibility for you. A long distance relationship (LDR) brings the same set of challenges a local relationship does plus Continue reading →

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Posted in Advice for Girls, Advice for Guys, Dating, Keeping a Date, Online Dating, Relationship Advice

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Six Pieces of Odds and Ends Advice

Posted on September 25, 2009 | 2 Comments

More and more dating questions are being dropped in my lap by friends and readers via private email that I thought might be interesting to the public at large… so this post snapshots some recent questions and answers in a broad stroke. Granted… I don’t know your full situation (no one really does) and circumstances can dictate some exceptions to the rule, but here are some general guidelines for solving common dating problems, myths and frustrations.

Q: Should I give them another chance? They say they’ve “fixed” what they did wrong. Continue reading →

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Posted in Advice for Girls, Advice for Guys, Dating, Online Dating, Relationship Advice

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Online Profiles: What Not To Do

Posted on September 16, 2009 | 6 Comments

In light of the fact that online dating sites like Match.com are reporting a record number of members, I thought a quick re-cap of what not to do on your online dating profile would be in order:

1. Be Fun! Cynical, pessimistic and skeptical only come across as attractive to like minded folks and the CIA. Listing off what you don’t want only taunts those very people to email you and tell you either (a) why they aren’t that person or (b) why there is nothing wrong with being one of the points on your list. Go with mom’s old axiom here… “If you don’t have anything nice to say… don’t say anything at all.”

2. Speaking of mom…if you’re puzzling on profile picture selection, ask your opposite sex friends for feedback first. After all, mom’s not really your target market. Find out what picture they think not only resembles you but best shows your personality and makes you look H.O.T. (If your “friend” picks a picture with any of #3′s points, ditch said “friend” from your advice pool. ASAP!)

3. On the topic of pictures. The SO NOT HOT list includes the following:

  • bare-chested bathroom mirror self portraits
  • pictures with only bits and pieces of your ex left in the frame
  • pictures with you and a bunch of hooters waitress look-a-likes Continue reading →

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Posted in Dating, Online Dating

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Elizabeth Gilbert Talks Creativity. Kelli Talks Dating.

Posted on August 4, 2009 | 5 Comments

For the creatives and scared to be creative among us, this video may be a huge encouragement. It’s about 20 minutes long, so you’ll need a lunch break or something to watch all of it, but her message urges the you to keep showing up whether your “genius” decides to inspire you or not.

As I was listening, it struck me that much of what she said can be pretty directly translated over to relationships. She mentioned the Norman Mailer quote: “Every one of my books has killed me a little more.” And it occurred to me that I’ve heard that exact sentiment about dating from Continue reading →

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Posted in Dating

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Meeting the Friends: A Survival Guide

Posted on July 22, 2009 | 4 Comments

Managing first impressions when you meet your date’s “friends” can be a challenge even for the most socially astute. I’ve never been an advocate of gamesmanship in the dating pool, but there are times and places for a bit less boister and a lot more tact. It’s a good idea to “be yourself” unless “yourself” is a boorish, fight-picking, butt-grabbing, inappropriate flirt. If that is the case, I’d suggest being the least amount of “yourself” as you can reasonably pull off.

Here are a few tips to catapult you to the positive side of the friend approval meter: Continue reading →

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Posted in Advice for Girls, Advice for Guys, Dating, Etiquette, Keeping a Date, Relationship Advice

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What to Do When the Ex Wants You Back.

Posted on July 14, 2009 | 4 Comments

After interviewing so many people, I’ve heard stories about how getting back together was the best decision they ever made or the worst train wreck in history that ended with someone in jail. And everything in between. I suppose it really comes down to the two people involved and the motives at the heart of it all to figure out if its going to stick or not. But what do you do when that person is you and your ex is trying to get you back?

If you’ve been avidly following my blog, you may have seen my post about being friends with the ex. Its possible to have a great friendship, but what happens when your ex starts breaking the “friends only” rules? Here you are, in a good relationship/new relationship/exciting relationship/recovered your mojo phase/etc and up pops your ex with talk about how great the two of you were together, what if you tried one more time… Continue reading →

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Posted in Advice for Girls, Advice for Guys, Breaking up, Dating, Relationship Advice

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Dating with Intent: Or why isn’t he calling me? (Part 2)

Posted on June 5, 2009 | 5 Comments

Continued from Part 1

Down to the brass tacks. How do you figure out if you and he are in the same place on the commitment meter? Communication helps.

You can be incredibly fortunate and have one of those straight-shooting, man-up kind of guys around. You know the ones… found in the endangered species section of the dating dictionary. They are the guys who tell you from the beginning what they want and why they want to spend time with you. Honestly, I wish for all of you this kind of guy. It makes things so much more drama-free. You can honor his transparency by returning the favor. If you are NOT where he is, you need to tell him that! 

If you aren’t one of the fortunate few dealing with a straight-shooter, here are a few terms and ideas to help you ascertain the dealio: Continue reading →

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Posted in Advice for Girls, Breaking up, Dating, Keeping a Date, Relationship Advice

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Dating with Intent: Or why is he calling me? (Part 1)

Posted on June 4, 2009 | 4 Comments

Steve Harvey’s new book “Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man” talks about some pretty funny stuff. I’ll admit, I enjoyed the read. Laughed where I was cued to laugh, nodded my head in agreement where I was prompted to agree and held many of my questions/scepticism at bay simply because I was enjoying reading about relationships from his point of view (and was on vacation when I read it.)

In chapter 10, he talks about the 5 questions a woman MUST know before getting too involved with a man. They are good questions. Not exactly what and how I would ask, but the aim behind them is crucial to navigating the complexities of man meets woman: to ferret out the intentions behind why this guy wants to spend time with you. Many of the women I’ve talked to have gotten to where they are quite simply boot shaking scared to Continue reading →

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Posted in Advice for Girls, Breaking up, Dating, Keeping a Date, Relationship Advice

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The Tweet and Run: Or how to date smart in the world of social networking

Posted on June 1, 2009 | 3 Comments

Except for the under a rock dwellers, most people have embraced the rules that govern the Googleverse as far as being aware of what a name search will reveal about who you are and what you’ve done. Job seekers strive to create a professional presence through various means and business owners jockey for search placement but many of us seem to be forgetting that people also do personal name searches.

Realistically, I know very few people who don’t Google a potential date these days. There are some who maintain that they want to get to know their date the old fashioned way and refuse to Google until a few dates are under the belt, but for reasons spanning the gamut from safety to curiosity, most people will Google you before they ever meet you. So, what does a name search reveal about you and your attitude towards dating? 

You may scoff and think… nothing! Well, think again. Twitter, Linked In, Friend Feed, Facebook, Myspace, etc. are all beloved by that happy and busy Google search engine, so its time to take a minute and think about how you are not only coming across to a professional contact but also to a potential date.

A few rules of thumb for online image management: Continue reading →

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Posted in Advice for Girls, Advice for Guys, communication, Culture, Dating, Etiquette, Online Dating

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How To Not Mess It Up

Posted on May 28, 2009 | 5 Comments

Incredible! You’ve met someone you actually want to go out with again… and again. Don’t panic. Just because you messed up the last few does not mean you have to mess it up again. Take a deep breath, remember that you’re a catch that anyone would want to bring home to mom and read on…

A really hot, single guy friend of mine suggested this topic and actually led with a few salient points that I thought were so good… I decided to leave them as is. 

1. Slow down the physical and build the anticipation.
2. Keep your commitments to work, friends & plans. 
3. Don’t spend every minute with the person (even though you may want to)
4. Explore common interests but be true to what you actually like to do. Don’t “go along” just to please your person. Yoga, Watching sports, Camping – you will be miserable and a horrible date. Killing their fun and making them resent you.
5. Stay committed to your goals, not just your new relationship.
6. Introduce to your friends, family when appropriate. This can catch a bad decision early.
7. Explore values, life plans, thoughts on kids, etc. early and be brutally honest about what you want. Whatever you step over now will be the reason you break up later…after you invested (or wasted) 2 years of your life.

I know… easier said than done (especially that first one) but these are all great guidelines to keep in mind when you find yourself in a situation that you might deem a “keeper.” I try to keep this rule of thumb in mind at all times: “What you do to catch a person is what you have to do to keep a person.” So, if you change yourself to suit each partner that comes along… you may have a bit of a mess on your hands when you want to go back to “being yourself.”

Most people consider this a topic where the more wisdom, the better. So please add any ideas you may have uncovered in your dating journeys!

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Posted in Advice for Girls, Advice for Guys, Dating, Keeping a Date, Relationship Advice

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