Tag Archives: acceptance

Why Didn’t He Call?

Scene: Anyplace where two interested parties are inspired to exchange contact information.

Situation: Boy asks girl for number. Girl gives boy correct number. Boy says “I’ll call you.” Girl waits many days for boy to call. Boy never calls.

So many answers for this question… and girls ask it constantly: ”Why didn’t he call?”

Please don’t read this as me saying the not calling is alright, I’m a big believer in doing what you say you’re going to do. But some of the funnier reasons I’ve heard girls use to excuse the delinquent behavior include things like:

  • What if he got in a wreck and flirts with death in the hospital? (If so, he’s not likely going to want to see the girl he randomly met out at the bar last week… just sayin…)
  • Maybe he lost my number or entered it in wrong on his phone so I should track him down… (And do you really want to go track down some guy who can’t even be bothered to double check with you to see if he got your number right?)
  • I think my friends scared him off and now he’s afraid to call because they teased him all night so I’d better call and let him know I really am still interested. (Ummm, yeah. That’s exactly what happened.)
  • His fingers could be broken and he became suddenly deaf and mute… (yes, this one tivos her soap operas for repeat viewings)
  • Maybe I should find him on facebook in case he lost his phone/charger and can’t get in touch with me. (If he really wanted to find you… don’t you think this would have already occurred to him?)

Well, you get the picture. Some pretty funny things go on in the mind of a waiting girl. Here’s the deal ladies. After traveling around the country, interviewing guys and girls — one thing comes across loud and clear from the men out there… if they don’t call you, they aren’t interested. Yes, it sucks and you want to know why they bothered getting your info in the first place if they didn’t plan to call. They have no good answer to that question, but here are some of the reasons offered up:

  • They don’t want to hurt your feelings and think not calling is the answer to that. (As if waiting in vain for a promised call is any better) Any number of reasons could have come up between getting your number and deciding not to call but the key thing to remember: they are deciding not to call.
  • They actually don’t remember meeting you because they were too intoxicated/met too many women that night/were just on a hunt for numbers/etc. These guys would legitimately look at you in confusion if you did manage to track them down because you simply did not make a huge impact. Key to remember: they don’t remember you enough to call.
  • They simply don’t care that you await a phone call, they don’t feel like calling.
  • Many guys think that asking for your number is a good way to exit the conversation but aren’t really interested in taking it further than the initial conversation. Key to remember: You aren’t likely to convince them to look beyond their first impression, so just let it go.

It doesn’t matter if they ooogled and googled over you. They could have claimed that you were the love of their life. They could have even convinced you to come home with them. But if they don’t call… they just aren’t interested. I’m sorry. The chances of them being laid up and dying in the hospital are extremely slim and if he comes out of it and wants to see you… you WILL hear from him.

This goes for the one and done. Or several dates and fizzle. If a guy wants to be with you, he will make the effort to be with you. If he isn’t interested in anything more than the time you’ve already exchanged with him, he won’t take it further.

This is actually great news when you think about it because that means the guys who DO make the effort, DO want to be with you. Its a great sorting tool if you can take your pride out of the equation and be clear eyed about the situation. My mom gave me solid advice when going into college rush (I know, I know… I went to a southern school – give me a break! But, its a lot like dating when you think about it)… she reminded me that not every house was going to like me and if they did, I wasn’t being true to myself. Looking back on it, she was right. If I’d pleased every house from the peace-loving nature girls to the high maintenance country club party girls… I would have lost myself in the process. Same with dating. Not every guy is going to like you EVEN IF HE ASKS FOR YOUR NUMBER. So be glad he’s not calling and open yourself up to the guy who is.

p.s. to my libby readers who think its silly to wait for a guy to call and just go ahead and call him yourself. It all depends on what you want — if you are looking for a guy to lead and pursue, you’ve got to let him. If you want to be the hunter/gatherer in the relationship, then definitely pick up that phone! If you want equal partnership… it can come from both ways — its more up to what you do IN the relationship than who starts it.

She Wants Him To Change

I had the pleasure of seeing an old friend twice in the past two days. Once with his daughters and once without. When his daughters were there, I got the full scoop on who was crushing on who and all the school gossip common to a middle schooler. One of the stories that his 11 year old daughter shared is that she really likes this boy, but when she shared that information with her crush, he promptly informed her that he is gay and moved to another seat in the cafeteria. Amused by the story, I wanted to be careful not to ask too many questions for fear of 1. revealing my amusement and 2. perhaps drawing more attention to a delicate situation in an 11 year old’s heart.

When I had dinner with her dad a few days later, he gave me the rest of the scoop. Apparently his daughter had not only decided that she liked this boy, she had been following him around school in an attempt to convince him to like her back. Undeterred by his declaration of batting for the other team, she was still trying to come up with ways to change his mind about liking her. When her dad asked why, she replied; “Because he’s cute.” At this point I nearly snorted tea out my nose before muttering, “Aren’t they all…”

We had a good chuckle over the whole story as he continued to tell me that he tried to teach his daughter that men could not be changed unless they decided for themselves that they want to change. He fears that his daughter did not entirely believe him as she is still plotting ways to get her gay crush to like her back. (Personally, I have my doubts about him being gay due to the way he is using it as a shield, but that is neither here nor there.)

What really made me shake my head in astonishment at the whole thing — it starts so early! Is the desire to change hardwired into the female brain or is it just something we all learn really really young and have to unlearn at our heart’s expense later in life?

Stop Trying To Change Me!

Change, death and taxes. The three things we can always count on. Depressing bunch, aren’t they? So, if change is always present, what’s wrong with wanting to change someone we’re dating? Aside from how incredibly annoying and patronizing it is for someone to think they know you better than you know yourself, it implies an inability to love someone for who they are when they aren’t trying to impress you.

As my friend says, “I want you to do you.” She prefers a quick trip through representative land so she can get more quickly to the real person behind the good behavior. We both agree that a relationship is no place to try to work on someone, you either take them as they are or leave them for someone who will love them as is. So, that’s great and fine as long as you are dealing with someone authentic and comfortable leaving the games behind, but what happens when you don’t know you are dealing with a representative and are several months into the relationship before the real person shows up?

I’m sad to say, I ran smack into this dilemma several years ago and it was as much my fault for not seeing the signs as anything. You see, he was a really really nice guy. And I really really needed nice at that moment in my life, but he had an unfortunate propensity towards finding horse walks into a bar jokes funny. Hilariously funny. Normally, I can handle the occasional Horse Bar joke, but when this guy’s representative decided to go on vacation, the jokes came out with a vengeance. We’d be innocently driving along enjoying the bluebonnets and sunshine and out of no where… “What’d the bartender say to the horse that walked into his bar?” We’d have dinner with friends and out came “Why’d the chicken cross the road?” We’d be playing with the dog and … you guessed it… horses, chickens and cows would show up in riddle form.

I never would have known this was a huge deal-breaker for me, but it was. When I finally decided I’d had enough and just couldn’t do it anymore, I sat him down for the talk. I was direct, loving and as gentle as I knew how to be and explained that I was serious about the jokes being a problem because humor is a huge part of how I relate to the world. And then he said it… “I can change!” I didn’t know that there was something less attractive to me than the horse jokes… but there was and that was it. I didn’t want someone to change for me anymore. 

When I was younger, I thought someone changing for me was the height of romance. He changed how much he went out with the guys… how romantic. He stopped wearing those nasty holy boxer shorts… romance! He stopped going on hunting trips EVERY weekend… romance romance romance! But a little older and a little wiser, now it would just make me wonder how long till the real Mr. Wonderful showed up. You see, I know that the more things you change for someone (other than yourself) the more you are like a rubber band being pulled tighter and tighter… one of these days you are going to snap back to the real you and when that happens… look out, the honeymoon is O-V-E-R.

For those of you in a relationship with someone you have made changes for, how long do you think you can stick it out? Are you pretending to be a domestic diva because he likes the traditional kind of girl but are scrambling to hide the take out tins before he comes over for dinner? Or maybe you’ve set yourself up as a financial magnate because she has a predilection for pricey dinners and high-end vacations? Maybe its something smaller… you make sure your house is perfect when she comes over or you pretend to like his electronica day in and day out.

And what about you daters who are just itching to get your hands on your next make-over project. Hold up for a minute Henry Higgins and put your svengali instincts on hold. How about looking for what you like and enjoy in someone instead of what you want to change? You might find yourself pleasantly surprised by the real relationship that shows up when two people accept each other for who they are without the masks.

Yes, small changes and compromises are an important part of building a life together. But try letting the other person know and love the real you first. Then if you decide to make a change, at least you know the other person loves you without you having to be perfect.

Valentine Wishes For The Ladies

Just a quick hello and Valentine wish for my female readers out there… (and guys too — you just don’t tend to be very bummed about vDay when it isn’t what you exactly envisioned and I bet some of you may be grateful for being solo *grin*)

Anyway, ladies…

If you have romantic plans on Valentine’s Day — enjoy your date and have fun!

If you are flying solo for Valentine’s Day — celebrate yourself and have fun!

If you are joining friends for Valentine’s Day — share the love you have and have fun!

It’s an artificial holiday, so don’t let it create artificial feelings out of a perceived deficit. Treat it as a day to love yourself no matter what the circumstances and you can’t be disappointed by plans gone awry, boys being un-romantic or finding yourself flying solo on a day when you never expected to be alone.

I know how easy it is to let this holiday get to you whether its through high expectations or a lonely night so give yourself a break and just enjoy where you are right now, who you are today and find gratitude for something or someone special you have in your life that you didn’t have a year ago. I know, for me, I am celebrating peace, contentment and incandescent joy this weekend… all of which were missing last year at this time. Its amazing the changes a year will bring, so if you aren’t too happy about today’s situation just know that it will be different if not within hours or days — in months or a year…

Happy Valentine’s Day! What a perfect day to love yourself well.

Dear Inner Critic: Please Go On Vacation

I’ve decided to address all the Inner Critics out there. If you are reading this without an Inner Critic, then you can take a pass and tune in for a new post tomorrow. But for those of you plagued by an Inner Critic (or 3), sit your IC down in front of the computer and leave them with strict instructions to read this very important letter: (for those of you who don’t know if you have an inner critic — check for the little whiney voice inside your head that tells you bad things about yourself)

Dear Inner Critic (or IC for short),

I know you’ve been cherished deep in your Important Person’s (IP) heart for years now. And I know its hard to imagine taking a vacation and letting your IP fend for themselves without you, but that is exactly what I’m asking you to do. Take that long anticipated trip to the Caribbean, board that sailboat for world circumnavigation, I’m even betting you might meet someone special while you are away. Perhaps another IC who is, at this very moment, reading this letter as well.

You’ve been working long and hard to convince your IP that you are indispensable and valuable for deciphering how your IP rates in acceptance, perfectness and performance. It’s time to let your IP figure out that they can, in fact, live without you. This will give you untold opportunities for sleeping and checking out, listening to good music and perhaps even finding other IPs in your life. I know that this may seem counter-intuitive for those of you who have been living in your IP’s mind for years upon years, but how will they know how much you’ve been contributing if you keep working so diligently?

When you go on vacation, surely your Important Person will continue to question themselves and their own worthiness. After all, you’ve been telling them for YEARS that they aren’t worthy of that promotion or dating that great girl or even following their dreams. Yes, you have been saving them from embarrassment, but its always good to be able to trust in your own work and take a break to see if you did a good job in making sure they will forever doubt themselves and remain paralyzed in the mistakes of the past.

So, take this letter to your IP and inform them that you are going on vacation. If you feel the need to leave a list of duties, tasks and reminders for when you are gone, resist the temptation. After all, it is VERY important for your Very Important Person to know just how critical you are to insuring their continued fear, mediocrity and passivity towards all that life has to offer.

Have a great vacation and don’t worry about sending letters, we know you’re having a great time!

Kelli

 

Ok Important People, this message is for you and only you, so make sure your IC doesn’t get a whiff…

I’m telling your Inner Critics to take a vacation. Yes, I know they have been a part of your mind for a long time and you wonder how you can function without their advice. But I’m here to tell you three things:

  1. You will be much happier and peaceful without some overtime working Inner Critic telling you that you are too fat, not pretty enough to get that guy’s attention, not worthy of getting that raise or promotion, not smart enough to hang out with that group of friends…etc. Frankly, who needs the guilt, shame and condemnation? Its only keeping you from your highest calling.
  2. When your “should” meter decides to go on vacation, you will be freed from all of those things you feel like you “should” do or people you feel like you “should” be friends with. Instead, you’ll be able to do what you “want” to do because its important to you or hang out with the folks you “want” to hang out with instead of people who demand performances from you.
  3. It may take a while to get the IC voice out of your head. But start small… get rid of words like “should” and “can’t” and instead embrace your value. Even if you feel like its a tiny thing to value… say, you like the freckle on your nose, well, start small and build up from there. Surround yourself with people that will help take the place of the inner critic and tell you the good and worthy things about you until you believe it and can tell it to yourself.

If you can convince your IC to take a permanent vacation, you’ll be amazed at how differently you see life and love. And p.s. THAT will be when that amazing person you are looking for comes into your life. After all… if you think you suck, many people will believe you. But if you think you have a lot to offer and are valuable… its amazing how many people will agree with what you believe about yourself. After all, you know you much better than anyone else can, right?

Good Luck!

Kelli

From Oral Sex to Getting Over Your Ex: My Blogging Friends Tell All

Today is dedicated to sharing interesting articles I’ve noticed and remembered and even thought about writing a post in dedication. But then I thought, perhaps you’d just enjoy the articles as well and let me know what you think…

Seth over at TheDatingPapers.com tells us:

How To Get Over Your Ex

 

How do you stop impulsively sending texts, calling, and reconnecting with the exes who make you miserable? Here’s my story:

“The Frown Brigade? There’s got to be a story behind this!” Said Mya, the wizardess helping me transfer phone numbers into a new phone.

It was a group of numbers in my phone dedicated to all the exes I still spoke with on occasion. They were my “Frown Brigade,” and when I was feeling down, I would call one of them and feel even worse for the conversation.

You never call an ex when you’re feeling great. It’s always when you’re feeling low, drunk, sad, or miserable that you reach out to one. You know the situation. No matter what your ex is doing when she picks up the phone, it sounds amazing compared to your life. (more…)

 

Penelope Trunk at the Brazen Careerist writes:

Change How You Walk To Change Your Life

We all know that people judge each other in the first five seconds they see each other. We talk about clothes, and weight , and tone of voice. But you can also judge someone by their walk.

Don’t tell me this is shallow. You can’t help but judge people by their gait. But the good news is that we are very good at judging people on first impressions. It’s probably a survival skill we developed very early on as humans – before you could Google someone to know their credibility. And when it comes to gait, it is possible that we each have a unique gait, like a unique thumbprint. (Yes, people are developing security technology based on gait: Cool, right?)

I am convinced that you can change how you function in the world by… (more)

High Income Women Get More Oral Sex. Maybe.

It is well known in the sex research arena that the more educated a woman is the more often she will receive oral sex.

I have always wondered if this is true for salary as well. For example, if your salary goes up by $50,000, how much more likely are you to receive oral sex?

I cannot find research to support that women who earn more receive more oral sex, which is why I am conducting my own research on this week’s poll.

But I have a hunch, based on a string of research that I have cobbled together:

People who are open to  (more…)

Jeanna Bryner at Live Science on MSNBC writes:

I <3 U: What IMs say about your relationship

The words that flow from our fingers to loved ones could say more than we think. The more frequently women use the pronoun “I” in their instant messages (IM), the more satisfied they are with their partners, a new study finds.

The guys also reported higher satisfaction in couples where the gal used “I” a lot in IMs.

While past psychological studies have analyzed couples and their communication techniques in lab settings, the new study, published last month in the journal Personal Relationships, relied on real-life scenarios. (more…)

Our friends at New Scientist tell us:

High Hormone Levels In Women Linked To Unfaithfulness

Women with high levels of oestrogen may adopt a simple relationship strategy more often associated with men: love ‘em and leave ‘em.

New research suggests that young women who produce naturally high levels of an oestrogen compound linked to fertility are more prone to hop from man to man, as well as cheat on their current partner. They also see themselves as more attractive than other women.

“These women are willing to trade up when the opportunity arises and continue to extract these lucrative resources from men when they can,” says Kristina Durante, an evolutionary psychologist at the University of Texas in Austin, who led the study. She thinks the behaviour could be an adaptation to the high costs of giving birth.

“For women it’s all about the resources that we need. If you’re going to be getting knocked up there’s a significant cost,” she says.

Previous research had shown that women who produce high levels of an oestrogen hormone called oestradiol are perceived as more attractive and mother more children than women with lower amounts of the sex hormone.

Oestradiol levels also (more…)

And finally… a great story about what can happen when imagination overtakes reality by Kim Gamble at NYT:

My Mr. Right, in the Land of Make Believe

SEVERAL months ago I flew to Beijing so I could introduce myself to a man I’d never met but with whom I’d been corresponding on-and-off for almost a year. He was an American, a journalist based in Beijing covering China for a United States news media outlet. I first became aware of him when an article he had reported garnered attention and he was asked to discuss his findings on the television show I was working for at the time.

On the afternoon of his interview, however, I wasn’t in the studio where he was, but in my office, half-watching him on the internal video feed, half-producing a segment for broadcast later that week. On screen he was cute in a young professorial way: someone who should wear glasses regardless of the requirements of vision. My attention only fully focused when I heard a deeper, more authoritative voice coming from him than his features suggested. I found myself tilting my head, even grinning a little, but otherwise giving him, and his interview, little thought.

Until after the taping, that is, when the show’s talent coordinator, who is responsible for greeting the guests and keeping nervous pacing in the green room to a minimum, marched into my office waving his business card. She pushed it across my desk and said, “Don’t be mad, but I just told the guest I think you two might hit it off.” (more...)

How to date an Entrepreneur

If you’ve ever dated, married or been interested in an entrepreneur, you know that they think, act and relate differently than the average Joe (or Joette.) Sometimes that can be a challenge for the non-entrepreneur — especially one who doesn’t realize that they aren’t crazy, they just need to think… sideways… to get through to their partner.

Having been raised by an entrepreneur, having been an entrepreneur, having dated entrepreneurs and looking at what’s happening in our economy… I thought it might be helpful to write a post about how to spot the TRULY self-employed (not the one who just says they do xyz but have no numbers to back it up), how to figure out if you are suited to date one, how to communicate with one and how to survive the ups and downs that happen in EVERY entrepreneur’s life.

How to Spot Em (this is based on the typical entrepreneur. At times a newly successful business owner might shoot the curve by going bling or an old schooler may decide to take a break… but if you look carefully, these attitudes will still be there) Continue reading

The Missing Piece

I love the Shel Silverstein book called “The Missing Piece Meets the Big O.” And no, its not about how to have a great orgasm or Oprah. Well, maybe you could extrapolate that if you REALLY wanted to… Anyway, the story goes something like this…

“The missing piece sat alone…waiting for someone to come along and take it somewhere. Some fit, but could not roll. Others could roll, but did not fit. One didn’t know a thing about fitting. And another didn’t know a thing about anything. One was too delicate. Pop! One put it on a pedestal…and left it there. Some had too many pieces missing. Some had too many pieces, period. It learned to hide from the hungry ones. More came. Some looked too closely. Others rolled right by without noticing. hi? It tried to make itself more attractive…It didn’t help. It tried being flashy but that just frightened away the shy ones. At last one came along that fit just right. (rolling along happily) But all of the sudden… the missing piece began to grow! And grow! ‘I didn’t know you were going to grow.’ ‘I didn’t know either,’ said the missing piece. ‘Bye…’ ‘I’m lookin’ for my missing piece, one that won’t increase…’ *sigh* And then one day, one came along who looked different. 

‘What do you want of me?’ asked the missing piece. ‘Nothing.’ ‘What do you need from me?’ ‘Nothing.’ ‘Who are you?’ asked the missing piece. ‘I am the Big O,’ said the Big O. [Big O proceeds to tell the missing piece that it can't roll with it, but maybe it can learn to roll on its own.]The missing piece was alone again. For a long time it just sat there. Then… slowly… it lifted itself up on one end… and flopped over, Then lift… pull… flop… it began to move forward…and soon its edges began to wear off… and its shape began to change…and then it was bumping instead of flopping… and then bouncing instead of bumping… and then it was rolling instead of bouncing… and it didn’t know where and it didn’t care. It was rolling!”

I love that story. For its simplicity and truth. When we expect another to complete us — it undermines our ability to be a whole person in the relationship. Thereby building a relationship on a shaky foundation (the missing piece trying to roll with the one who “fit just right.”) After reading this story and comparing it to Jerry Maguire’s passionate declaration of “You complete me!” I really wonder how things ended up for Jerry and Dorothy after the cameras stopped rolling.  Perhaps our insistence that someone else can make us feel… complete/happy/fulfilled/supported/pretty/powerful/strong/handsome/loved… may be a huge factor in why so many relationships fail. Very simply, its better when we can roll with someone instead of trying to get them to help us roll where we want to go.

Breaking Up

Sometimes the breakup can be the hardest part of the whole relationship. I know a lot of people who have simply stopped dating because they are gun shy after a particularly bad break. I think there are some things we do that can make it easier to accept and move on and some things that make it virtually impossible to get the hooks out of your heart. And yes ladies… guys hurt just as much as we do most of the time… they just show it in different ways.

Here are some thoughts on finding the grace in your break up…

1. Friends are a great source of support when you need to draw some clear lines and move along. No isolating! If you give your friends license to be honest, they can help remind you of why you are making this decision and help you stick to it. I don’t know about you, but my friends are kind enough to be quick to remind me that it was NOT all flowers and chocolate.

2. If you feel like you’ve acted the fool — you may have — but at least you were acting on authentic emotions. Many people never even come out from behind their perfect castle walls to take a chance on the love and loss that comes from being vulnerable and taking a risk. By learning vulnerability and rewarding yourself for having taken that step, you are going to be even more attractive to your next date because they can see the real you.

3. Prayer may bring a multitude of tears but the tears can wash the pain into a place of peace. Use meditation and prayer to help center yourself and regain some perspective. Sometimes a break up comes out of left field and knocks you off your feet. You may never receive a “why” but one of the best ways to let go is to ask for divine assistance. *grin*

4. The more you learn and the more you grow, the better you will be prepared for a really good person when they come into your life. Look for what you can learn from the whole mess and turn the break up into a way to be your own best friend. If this fits a pattern you’ve already experienced, act on ways you can change so you don’t have to experience this one again.

5. Trust your gut.

6. Be honest with yourself — you broke up because your relationship was broken.

7. If you tend to be someone who paints your ex as completely bad or only remembers the cuddles and compliments… aim for a middle ground instead. By taking in the whole picture, you’re likely to feel less of a disconnect with reality and see your ex as a person instead of a caricature. When you can see them and yourself as human beings — good and bad, you can more honestly evaluate the relationship and accept why you decided to part ways.

8. Avoid secret stalkerish behavior. You know what I mean… checking their Facebook/Myspace page for updates… evaluating every new “friend” added as a potential new relationship, driving by their neighborhood, asking their friends about them — in a completely casual way of course, frequenting their favorite places, etc etc and so forth… It only makes it that much harder for you to let go.

9. Don’t ask for “closure” or “why” unless you are ready to really hear the reasons. Sometimes, it really is better to just leave it with “it’s not you, its me.”

All niceties aside… breaking up sucks. Your heart may be broken and you may feel like you’re never going to be able to take a full breath again. And its ok to hurt and take time for your own healing. Just try not to stay committed to your sadness for too long. That path leads to even more heartache and loneliness in the end.

Freedom In Pain

A snippet of a poem that caught my eye today by Louise Gluck from “first memory”

“…from the beginning of time…I thought that pain meant I was not loved. 

It meant I loved.”

Sometimes, in relationships with other human beings, something comes along that just sweeps your feet out from under you. Looking up from the ground, bewildered and a bit breathless from your fall,  you are given the opportunity to make a choice. You can chose to entomb this pain into your very cells and nurture it’s growth like a mold in the damp dark. Or you can expose it to the sunlight and seek freedom in the very moment you feel the pain. Feeling what you need to feel, be it anger, grief, betrayal, sadness, fear… whatever your heart needs to express… while opening up your clenched fingers and letting it fly away from you. To not take root.

You may mutter, easier said than done, (I know that I usually do) and, YES! Its hard, sometimes it takes everything in you to keep that bitterness from taking root… especially when history repeats itself and old memories butt right into the fresh ones, deepening and expanding what may have started out as something small and now resembles something more along the lines of the scarier looking monsters from “Where the Wild Things Are.”

So, how do you keep from freezing in fear at the sight of those old monsters? Seek sunlight (friends, faith, truth, wisdom, inspiration, creativity, journaling, painting, expressing…) and try to stay supple so you can bend instead of break. Seek out where your plumb line of gratitude runs… whether it be in finding the wisdom to walk on, courage to find your voice, trust in your partner and yourself or just the gratitude in knowing that by feeling something… anything… you have invested in another person’s life and answered the call to love.