From last week’s post: Your “edge” is all about confidence in yourself and your decisions. Not bragging. Not ego. Just confidence.
So, how do you hone your edgy nice guy skills?
- Identify if your key trouble spot when it comes to women. Lack of confidence or lack of action. If you don’t know where to start, ask your gal pals or more confident male friends. I bet they’ve been trying (or wanting) to tell you for years.
- Create an action plan to help yourself overcome the areas you pinpoint as potential pivot points.
- Execute your action plan.
- If you’re having trouble acting on your plan, get accountability and encouragement from a friend with your best interests at heart.
- Catch girl.
“Confidence is courage at ease.” — Daniel Maher
Need some help creating an effective plan? Here are some thoughts and ideas that may help…
Be comfortable in your own skin. Do NOT apologize for who you are. Girls do not dig guys who don’t dig themselves. This may be one of the times you have to fake it till you make it, but remember that everything you believe about yourself, might as well be written down on a billboard that travels with you thru life.
- Listen carefully to the tapes you’re playing in your head… which ones are leading you astray? Knock those bad boys out by focusing on and developing the areas where you are truly a rockstar.
Smash down your fear by creating and plan and acting on it. Something about the making a plan and sticking to it, increases your belief in your ability to get ‘er done! Another huge plus: every time you face that fear, you get to desensitize yourself to the fear that’s freezing you.
“Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.”
— Dale Carnegie
What exactly is it that you’re afraid of? Are you afraid of rejection? Most people are! Are you afraid you’ll get hurt? It could happen… then, of course, if you don’t try, you’ll never get the flipside of joy and anticipation. By letting fear hold you back, you’ve just signed up for a life lived in quiet desperation.
- Get out of the fog of fear by forgetting about yourself. When you focus on getting to know the other person or just really living your life with joy and excitement, often times, you can convince fear to loosen its grip on your mind.
- Challenge yourself to be a leader and decision maker. Even if you start with other parts of your life than dating, you’ll change the vibe that you’re sending out to the ladies. Guys — girls LOVE a guy who knows how to make decisions.
Get to know yourself and what you really want in life and relationships. It may be that you’ve just been aiming for the girls that the media tells you that you want. When in reality, you’d be much happier with a totally different kind of woman. After a lifetime of being shanghaied by Playboy bombshell drama queens, a guy friend of mine finally stopped shopping with his pecker and found the girl of his inner dreams. They just got engaged. Would you believe me if I told you that a year ago he passed up the same girl for being “too brainy and not enough blonde?”
Be confident in the women you pick. My dad once told me that the smart guys sit back and watch to see what the girl is really like. I agree. But make it active watching rather than passive watching. You are making a decision about her and your interest, not just waiting around for her to notice you.
If you want quantity over quality or only have sexual conquest on the mind, then you may want to consider adopting some “bad boy” traits because bad boys certainly do get the numbers when it comes to conquest.
But personally, I think the world needs more confident gentlemen running around. And I believe that the confident gentlemen are the guys who really end up with what they want; while the bad boys are scarfing down Viagra 3 divorces later and hoping that the oxygen tank doesn’t interfere with their ability to look hot to the fine ladies in the nursing home.