You’ve all heard the saying “nice guys finish last.” And I’m betting that many of you have embraced it as truth. If you have, I’m going to make you a bit uncomfortable with this post because I don’t believe it. I do believe that any number of things can hamstring a guy’s ability to “get” the girl, but I don’t think being “nice” is one of them.
First, let’s make sure that your “nice guy” and my “nice guy” definitions line up. I believe “nice” can be defined by a few general characteristics:
- Someone who believes in doing the right thing by everyone.
- Someone who is consistent and a man of their word.
- Someone who is not inclined to say mean/hurtful/judgmental things about others.
- Someone who treats their partner with respect, trust and love.
- Someone more along the lines of Tom Hanks than Colin Farrell.
Now, who wouldn’t want the above characteristics in a partner? (Well, I can’t speak for the crazy chick – but if you like crazy chicks then “nice” ain’t gonna cut it anyway.) But aside from the crazies, these are all things that attract the kind of girl a truly nice guy would want for a partner.
So why are “nice” guys finishing last?
There are two bullets that will kill any nice guy chances. Passivity and lack of confidence. Both will stick you permanently in the “friend zone.” Sitting on your hands and HOPING that she’s going to magically fall in your lap…. not gonna happen. The kind of girl that I bet you are gunning for, needs courting from a nice guy “with edge.”
Now, don’t go all Player’s Handbook on me. Not THAT kind of edge. The kind of edge that most girls are looking for goes something like this…
- If he likes me, he lets me know it.
- He respects himself enough to not play games AND to not be attracted to game players.
- He has the kind of confidence that lets me know that I can trust him to be his own man and not be swayed by what everyone else thinks.
- When he asks me out, he has a plan.
- He’s not waiting around for life to happen to him.
Basically, we’re looking for an extremely confidant GENTLEMAN.
Your “edge” is all about confidence in yourself and your decisions. Not bragging. Not ego. Just confidence. Do you think you are the confident nice guy and you’re still getting passed over by the girls you like?
Then check back in next week for a post on how to hone your “Nice guy with an edge” skills…