Monthly Archives: April 2011

Guest Post: Why We Choose Love

Last week, my wife (who is universally regarded as a hard act to follow) used this space and provided an insightful, touching, and thoughtful portrait of the last part of our first year of marriage. We’ve had some hurdles already – I’m not sure I’ve ever had as much asked of me emotionally, physically and mentally as I did for four weeks in March and April.

She wrote that our marriage is successful in part because I am kind, generous and loving. It’s true – I am ;) Or at least I try very hard to be. But she is too – to an extent that I could probably never be, and she makes me a better person because of it. A person better able Continue reading

Guest Post: I Knew He Was “The One” When…

Sometimes life just throws you some curve balls, so I called in a few relief pitchers for your enjoyment over the next few weeks. A beautiful gift in my inbox, today’s post reminded me of how truly inspiring my friends are. I hope you enjoy this post by Courtney C. as much as I did…

How I knew he was the one:

My dad always used to tell me he wouldn’t pass judgment on the men I chose, because “when you think you’re in love, you’re in love.”  So true, but you can absolutely be “in love” with someone who doesn’t make a good partner for you.  And no matter how much you love that person, or even how much they love you back, it still doesn’t make it a good, healthy relationship.

I knew J was “the one” when … Continue reading

How to Know If You’re The “Other” Woman/Man

Opinions are all over the map when it comes to how much responsibility the “other woman” (or man) has for being in an affair. For essentially providing the outlet for the cheater to cheat. I’ll go on record as saying that I think the “other” woman or man has just as much responsibility as the cheater. There are always reasons and excuses and it’s easy to attempt a dodge in responsibility, but the fact of the matter is… if you know the person you are with is cheating on their significant other, then you are choosing to be with a cheater and essentially give them permission to do the exact same thing to you.

That being said, let’s assume that you are beginning to suspect that you may be the “other” and that is NOT ok with you… here are some rules of thumb for spotting a cheater: Continue reading

How To Get What You Want In Your Relationship

Negotiation. We all have to do it. To get a better job… negotiate. To buy a car… negotiate. To get the neighbor’s dog to stop using your front yard as it’s outhouse… negotiate. To get what you need in a relationship… negotiate.

 

From Tara Sophia Mohr’s Wise Living blog:

Research shows that while men think of negotiation as something similar to “wrestling a match” or “winning a ballgame,” women tend of think of
it as something like “going to the dentist.” Sounds about right — doesn’t it?

Women find it so unpleasant they often opt out. Over their lives, men initiate negotiations about four times as often as women, and 20% of women never negotiate at all.

Interesting. I wonder if that is why more men than women claim that their relationships make them happy. Continue reading

Failure To Launch

I posted this topic in 2008 in a little different light, but it seems to be an even more current issue today. So I’ve edited and reposted and am curious as to what you think. Is it better to get out on your own as quickly as you can, or find a way to keep your financial responsibilities as low as possible for as long as possible?

From the original post:

I was reading along on a news story the other day and saw a stat saying something like 1/3 of American men are still living at home. With their parents. Wait…back up…AMERICAN men? In a nation of independent, over-achieving capitalists, 1/3 of those capitalists between 22-34 are living at home?

I thought the movie “Failure To Launch” with McConaughey and SJP was a cute story about an improbability, but now I wonder. Combine that with the amount of women I know saying they won’t date someone who still lives with their parents, it really made me start to wonder if this is contributing to the marry later in life stats we see creeping into American life. It’s a little chicken and the egg. Are guys staying at home longer because they aren’t wanting to get married or are they not wanting to get married because they live at home and have a lot of those needs provided for? (And can get the sex pretty easily.)

Of course some people, like this blogger, think living with your parents is a great way to save money and keep your responsibilities low. Granted, with the current economy, any way to save money can bee seen as a good way to save money. But I’m not sure that seeing your parents as a free ride is the best way handle the economic crisis (especially considering you are chewing into the only cushion they have for retirement.) If you’re contributing while living at a lower rent level, well, then maybe you are helping the family as a whole. But probably at the expense of your dating life.

Continue reading