Confusing, man-eating, delicate flowers… yes, I know. Navigating the world of women when you are firmly in the Y chromosome category pose challenges that test the courage of many a man-child. Some men are lucky/smart enough to get a gal pal or two to decode the mysteries. Some men cannily do the research… things like reading good blogs on dating and mating in America or even getting a dating coach. But some poor sods continue to mope over a beer with the guys and bewail recent blunders, innocent mistakes and in short, continuing to make the same mistake again and again. Attracting the crazies.
I decided to crack the door on Pandora’s Box here and give you some tips that may or may not help you navigate away from the man-eating crazy flowers and find a woman who makes your toes curl. In a good way.
The first thing you need to get firmly in your head. Not all women are crazy. Only SOME women are crazy and if you keep picking the crazies, that says more about your picker than about women in general.
Toning your “Picker” (or figuring out what is making you go for the crazy chicks all the time):
- Crazy women do crazy things. If you are picking the crazies, remember that crazies can look like FUN at the outset. Crazy women like the drama, they crave the attention (whether good or bad), collect crazy friends who make them look sane and always seem just out of reach.
- If you don’t like crazy, then take more time to sit back and watch the behavior of the woman in whom you are interested. When you see the crazy behavior start to emerge, back away. If you aren’t good at spotting it, enlist help. Another thought, if you think everyone is crazy, ask one of your more sane friends if you might be too picky. For example: if she red-flags your inappropriately flirtatious behavior, that’s not crazy, that’s HER radar picking up that your behavior is on the crazy making side. A good friend should be able to help you honestly sort out what’s your bad and what’s her bad.
- Don’t try to change a crazy chick. If she’s truly crazy and you are not on board, trying to change her is a lose/lose proposition. First — she likes the way she is or she wouldn’t be that way. Second — it’ll send you over the edge trying to contain or change the crazy behavior. Like it or lump it as my dad always says.
- Be honest with yourself about how much you crave the crazy. Some people really do thrive on the drama, ups and downs and inconsistencies of a “crazy” life. If you are one of those people, stop complaining about it and accept that you dig the crazy chicks. Find the things you love about them and their insanity and rise to the challenge.
- Consider that YOU might be the crazy one. I know, its a hard thought, but there might be some truth to it. Better to know the reality than to exist in fantasy land hoping for something different.
Attitudes that will attract and keep the crazies:
- Never calling her out on her behavior. Something the crazies love — to be allowed to be freely crazy.
- Being inconsistent, secretive or a bit crazy yourself. Give her the opportunity to be mad, sad, disappointed, love struck or blissfully overjoyed and she’ll deem you a keeper. The crazies love to run the full range of their emotions and will take any opportunity to explore the full depths of anger and joy.
- Use past stories of crazy behavior to make her feel like an angel in comparison.
- Use sex or sexuality to solve any issues and just sweep problems under the rug.
- Break up and get back together. A lot. Crazies love that.
- Create drama or angst within your relationship and cultivate it carefully. Addictions work especially well here.
- Conversation should consist entirely of dramatic stories about familiar people and situations. Forget talking about world events, economy, ideas or happy friends unless those things fill her with angst and let her get on her soapbox. (One word of advice… don’t take her advice on anything you really care about or you might find yourself in a world of hurt with people in non-crazy-land.)
- Don’t suggest she see a doctor and be medicated. If you like the crazy, medication will make life seem a bit boring.
But you don’t like the crazies? You want to know how to avoid them? Watching your love-interest’s actions is the best piece of advice I can give you. Keep in mind that quality women will be doing the same thing to you. If you are running around hoping to attract a different breed of woman, then you need to be the kind of man a non-crazy woman will like. If you are still playing games, collecting numbers, and going for the hook-up; not only are the quality women going to lose interest, they won’t even set you up with one of their friends. Some rules of thumb in attracting a quality woman:
- Be a quality guy. You don’t like flaky woman? Don’t be a flake yourself. If you say you’re going to call, call when you say you will. Show up when you say you’ll show up. Basically, be a man of your word.
- Cut all the past crazies out of your life (if you haven’t already.) It may seem harsh, but you’ve got to clean out your pool before someone else will want to get in. This means that ex-girlfriend whose rent you are still paying 2 years later, the recent ex who shows up unexpectedly from time to time, the girl who stalks your Facebook page and posts suggestive photos on your wall… you get my drift. The ones that are fun to talk about but no good, clean ‘em out. (I am not talking about the ones you have a court order to support or if children are involved. For those situations go back to point number 1)
- Become more aware of who you flirt with and how you flirt. If you live by “the game” then you’ll die by “the game.” Remember that the quality women will be watching your actions before they get more involved with you. If crazy, drunk weekend hook-up Bob calls and asks for a date, you’re going to get shut down. If conversational, fun and classy Bob calls up for a date, the chances get a whole lot better for you.
- Continue to watch her actions for a while. Just because she passes dates 1-3 does not mean you have uncovered her lack of crazy, it just means she could be a great actress. Introduce her to your friends, the people you trust to read the barometer correctly and give them permission to be honest. If they flag the crazy, consider that you might have some more picker refining to do.
- Value sobriety. I know it can be more fun/easy to exist in that slight buzz to full on drunk when you are braving the social scene but it will not only attract the crazy, it will make it harder for you to spot the crazies AND will make the non-crazies look at the less drunk guy in a much better light. Stop making it so easy for your competition!
What are some of the ways you’ve discovered to uncover, avoid or spot the crazy?
(Yep, it’s been a busy week… hence the second re-post BUT new material to come next week and hey, remembering how to avoid the crazies can be helpful for everyone! Please continue the conversation below if you can relate…)