Let’s set the stage…you’re excited. You waited to kiss her until the 3rd date since you really really like her and wanted to build a little anticipation. After a great night of flirting, little touches, laughter and lingering glances into a very interested second party’s seductively soft green eyes, you quite simply can not WAIT to get to the evening’s finale. The big moment comes at the front door when she tilts her face up to yours… you lean in for the kiss and… experience the slow-mo scene of horror. She slobbers. She crusades with her tongue. She has no kiss rhythm. Your desire to ask her to be your girlfriend flies out the door as your mind scrabbles for any excuse to NOT GO BACK INSIDE WITH HER.
What do you do when you get hit with a kisser who never learned finesse or whose idea of a “good kiss” is drastically different than yours? (I mean, I’m sure there are people thinking slobber is sexy. Its also possible that they own Hootch-like slobber hounds who have developed their tolerance for excess goo, but that’s only a theory…) If your date was marginal at best, that bad kiss is likely to end the relationship. But what happens when you REALLY really like this person? Do you take a hit for the team and stay in the game, or walk away to play another day?
I’ll admit. I’m a bad kisser survivor and managed to turn it around. I had tact. I had knowledge. And I had plenty of motivation. So, I offered to give him lessons one night. (Yes, he was that bad.) One very interesting evening later and we had noticeable progress. Our relationship didn’t last very long, partly because of compatibility and partly because he was dating someone else without telling either of us. But I did manage to teach him how to kiss and his other girlfriend thanked me for it after we both caught him in his lies and kicked him to the curb.
But I digress from the bad kisser dilemma… What to do?
As far as I can tell, there are 4 death kiss situations:
Different Technique Kisser: This kisser just doesn’t know how to tickle your toes. They are either too much or too little on the scale of what revs your motor. Verdict: SALVAGEABLE. If you communicate, you may be able to get around this particular problem if interested enough in the potential relationship. I’d say to go gentle and ease into any conversation around it. Show and Tell is perfect. Start with positives about what you really like and then give an example. Many times, the longer a couple is together, the more their likes and dislikes begin to mesh. So a little patience goes a long way here.
Bad Technique Kisser: Too much slobber, tight little bird pecks, tonsil hockey and the like. Verdict: PROCEED WITH CAUTION. Like my example, you can teach but I’d recommend really looking at what you think is so bad. Is he really selfish? Is she kind of cold? Doesn’t respond at all to your body language? Don’t ignore these kinds of signs. Some people are just clueless and don’t know what they’re doing. That’s workable. But if you think the kiss is bad for other reasons… think again before continuing. Kisses can be very revealing about character.
Bad Breath Kisser: Verdict: USUALLY AN EASY FIX… two words “Tooth” and “Brush.” Try for a second “first kiss” in fresher conditions. (Body odor matters here too… Showering and brushing everyday isn’t *just* a cleanliness thing.) However, if you have (or are) a halitosis Hal… sometimes a doctor or diet change can help, but if not… it may end up being a deal breaker for the finicky.
No Chemistry Kisser: It’s the worst to absolutely love being around someone who you can talk to for hours without pause, go in for a kiss and feel like you’re kissing your sibling. I don’t know what to say about this one. Some people tell me that they developed chemistry over time. I never have. That doesn’t mean its not possible, just that if the chemistry is missing in the kiss… it tends to never show up (for me.) Have you ever kissed someone, felt nothing or even was turned off and managed to turn the relationship into something romantic anyway?
I don’t know what to think about the couples who decide to not kiss until the wedding day. I mean, talk about potential for disaster adding all that pressure to something that is usually sweet, simple and private between two people. Part of me admires the self-discipline and part of me just thinks they are slightly nuts to take that kind of gamble. I know that it’s important to develop the emotional, intellectual, spiritual and psychological… but completely missing the physical? Hummmm…
Quite literally, it can really suck to date a bad kisser but it would be much worse to be married to one.
Ugh. Bad Kissers. I think we’ve all dated them. My reaction is to run as fast as I can in the other direction. I don’t have the patience to teach grown men how to kiss (or anything else).
LOL (I was surprised by my own patience with that one… and it was about 10 years ago. *grin*)
I consider myself a strong kisser. I can usually “train” any guy I’m kissing on how to kiss in my style. I have had a few bad kissers that just didn’t have a clue, but the relationship didn’t get any farther than that. Kissing is the backbone of all passion in a relationship, if it’s bad.. the passion can’t be there.
Ok — so you have to tell me more about you being a “strong kisser.” Does that mean you tend to sway someone to your style of kissing without even trying, or that you have a strong preference that they need to be on par with or that you knock them out with your kiss…? *grin*
One has to wonder how a guy got this far with such technique. Wondering further – perhaps there is an opportunity. A bit of Shakespeare, a few movies featuring Colin Firth and some contemplation. It’s not hard to sort out what does and doesn’t work. Sorting sorted, perhaps unveiling the issue why such a catch hasn’t been caught.
The lack of chemistry thing… that is a bit disconcerting actually… whluululuuluhhhlch…
that particular one? He was a consummate prevaricator
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In my opinion, it’s a bad idea not to kiss until the wedding day. If there isn’t any chemistry – what do you do then?? It might be easy enough to get an annulment, but chances are that by the time you’ve realized there is no chemistry – gone through your period of denial, decided you just can’t be with this person – and then filed for your annulment you’ll be way past the deadline & on into full on divorce. Albeit, you might not know whats missing, if you haven’t had it!
Either way, whether is a random person in a bar, a first date, a 10th date, or a wedding day – a bad kiss, is a bad kiss. In my honest opinion – it pretty much eliminates the chance of a second.
I’m beginning to feel for these poor “bad kissers.” It seems they are doomed to be rejected until they either decide to live alone or find a fellow bad kisser who knows no differently.
Yeah, I totally dated one and it should be a perfect night but then again the kiss ruined it all. =(
bummer! I haven’t had anything like that in a while… but I do remember the let down from something like that years ago. Worst. Ever.
Im having a confusing time at present. Im dating this guy who is really nice, treats me well, we get on really well and can chat for hours, we have been dating for about 8 weeks now. However today we had our first proper snog….It was dreadful, he launched on me..I had to pull my head back he was so far down my throat and so heavy with it all, then it was the slobber over the bottom of my face afterwards. I thought maybe I was being a little bit harsh, so I thought I would kiss him, and try and initiate what I like..You know start with a few short feathery kisses and then, go in for a nice sensual kiss. Oh no, the tounge was out immediately, so much so he was at one point just lying down with his tounge poking out at me, I was thinking what are you doing, your not a dog!! Then I tried again, and this time the tounge was in my mouth doing nothing even though I tried to guide him, and then it went at full speed, in no direction at all, it was all over the place. Again slobber was all over me by this point. After that, I gave up. Kissing to me is one of the most enjoyable things I can do with a partner, its meant to be sensual, sexual, exciting and get the passion going. Instead I was turned off immediately and I didn’t even wanna so much as touch him after let alone have a peck. I was glad when he left. I feel so mean, can I really finish with a guy because he is a bad slobbery kisser? When he treats me better than any other guy before him. Surely there are nice men out there who can kiss well and treat a lady right????
Sorry for my delay in reply… the holidays and a move sucked up my time. As for your slobbery snogger… yes, there are nice men out there who are NOT terrible kissers. It sounds like he was so bad, he lost his chance with you.
So… did you move on to the next guy or tell this one that he needed some serious kissing lessons?
Hey, hope your move went well?
Well after much deliberation and reading what other people would do, I decided to ditch the guy. After the 2nd slobbery kiss I couldn’t bear him to touch me, and I was dreaming of kissing someone else…This obviousley isn’t a great thing to be doing when you are with someone so I decided the kindest thing to do for both of us was to end it. I never told him why, just said he would find a girl who would fit him in all aspects i.e one who didn’t mind a bad kisser.
But then this weekend I met up with another guy, and I told him about what had happened. So then we got on to the topic of how do we know that its not us that is the bad kisser. So to be fair we decided to try out each others kissing style to see if we were bad slobbery kissers……….Well all I can say is, OH MY GOD..it was AMAZING. No slobber, fantastic chemisty, butterflys, wonderful wonderful kissing technique. That was what I had been missing and craving with the other guy. Made me happy also that neither of us thought we were bad kissers. I am so pleased we decided to do that. The only problem is now, I keep wanting more of his kisses.
How can I put a pic up on here?
I don’t think that wanting more kisses will be too much of a problem for him *cheeky grin*
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A guy I know once told me about a gal he dated that wasn’t a good kisser but the sex was amazing.
Seemed strange to me – either way, the relationship didn’t last long.
I can hardly imagine great sex with bad kissing. Kissing is a gateway drug.
Do you have any tips for broaching the subject that a guy is in serious need of kiss training? He was very upfront that he’s not very experienced – at all. I realize this is going to be a bit of a process, but my gut tells me this is all worth it…
IMHO I’d say make it about your preferences, not that he is doing wrong. Most guys are very eager to please and they respond much better to kudos than criticism. Start by telling him what he’s doing right. It doesn’t have to verbal communication – unless he’s totally clueless.
total agreement from me as well. Sometimes harder than it appears — but communication is good and positive communication even better
Firstly, that pic of the woman kissing the dog is seriously grossing me out! Haha, I had to read and scroll down as quick as possible so that it’d be out of eyesight asap!
Anywho, luckily for me, I have only ever had one kissing disaster! I’d fancied him when I was at school, he was the year above me…nothing ever happened, until I started talking to him at a pub, quite a few years after leaving school. We’d been flirting and drinking a lot, then went onto a club, where some more flirting ensued..then the kiss. I’d been expecting something nice, he had the charm! But he just wasn’t for me…very closed lipped and pecky…of course he thought it was fine and wanted to see me again, but it was a total no go for me!
LOL on the dog kissing pic — I know, I just HAD to put it on there for the gross out/funny factor. I agree.. closed lip and pecky — blech.