Romance is Dead! Or Not?

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A group of us went to the John Mayer concert the other night. Now, before you judge, he did thank us all for defending him to all the people who call him D*bag and resolutely protecting his honor that he’s not all that bad. And then launched into one of his more famous D*Bag tunes. I’ll admit… it did make me laugh. And I like his music.

On the way home, we were talking about how hard it is to find current music that sends the “romance” message. We literally puzzled over who our modern troubadours are and couldn’t think of anyone really hitting the scene with a truly romantic song. Can you think of any great romantic artists of the last ten years?  I mean, JM is great… but a lot of his songs aren’t really the kind of songs I would want to attach to my relationship with any meaning. If you know what I mean.

I actually looked up the Top 20 for this post just to see if I was missing something and found 2 songs out of 20 that were more about love than lust. But let me tell you… the rest were ALL about lust — the kind of animal lust that has you doing stupid things with strangers and then singing about it. Not to romanticize the past, but didn’t we used to have more songs that made you yearn for the person you love when you couldn’t be with them? The kind of songs that you dedicated on the radio and put on mix tapes because the words expressed what you felt? Words that mom and dad would have thought were sweet…

I recently put together some mixes for my boyfriend and found myself laughing about wanting to add a disclaimer to some of the lyrics… just because we like the song in spite of the lyrics… doesn’t mean it reflects how we feel about each other.

Although, I am glad he agrees with “Wow, oh wow.” Jus’ sayin’.

Eventually we extrapolated the conversation outward from music. When is the last time someone hand-wrote you a love letter? Have you had any Cusack boom-box outside the window moments in the past 10 years? (Have you even seen a boom-box in the past 10 years?) Has anyone hand-delivered flowers for you with a note or tucked notes into your bag before you left for work? Most women lament that chivalry is dead and men complain that women have lost that loving touch in favor of multi-tasking and juggling responsibilities. Do you agree?

Does this mean that you learn to accept text messages and the random IM hello as your entrée into romance? Or perhaps there are things about modern life that are romantic but hiding under the guise of mundane? Or do you just negotiate with your partner if you want more, less or a different kind of romance?

I don’t know that romance is dead… but it certainly is changing. I do miss the days of hand-written romance and mix tapes being the kind of gift you wore out because you re-visited it so often. But that was the romance of my younger years — and perhaps that’s why the nostalgia is there. Rest assured, I get a LOT of romance in my current relationship and I’ll admit that it’s something I love. I never really thought of myself as a girl who NEEDED it, but I sure do appreciate being a girl who gets it…