My friend Roxanne ran into a very interesting dilemma over the weekend. Her boyfriend informed her that he found opening doors for her “exhausting and annoying.” Of course, I had to comment on the blog post she wrote about it and was a bit tongue in cheek when I said, “To me, that he ever opened the door for you in the first place shows that he knew its something that would “woo” you… so why does he want to stop “wooing” you? Is he of the opinion that you are not worth the “woo” anymore?”
To which Roxanne replied and sliced right to the point (one of the things I love about her) … “I have a feeling men do what they think they are supposed to “Get the girl.” And maybe there should be a class on “how to get the girl” should warn them that if they start something for the sake of wooing, they might get a little flack when they stop the wooing.”
It brings up an interesting discussion. Is it ever okay to stop the “woo?” And what should both parties expect if and when that happens?
Personally, I would feel a bit bait and switched if I was happily dating a guy and when we got married, he turned into a different person. I would think he would feel the same way if I decided to stop shaving my legs, looking cute on date nights and flirting with him throughout the week because I found it “exhausting and annoying.”
I’m a firm believer in the old adage… “What you do to GET someone is what you have to do to KEEP them.” I’ve talked about it before on my blog, how important consistency, respect and communication are. But what do you think? Is it just a matter of course that the relationship is going to change over time in the area of romance and respect (and not for the better?)
Are women expected to be okay with woo stoppage? Is it really exhausting and annoying to woo someone long-term? Thoughts?
(And really — I don’t think Roxanne’s boyfriend is a bad person or boyfriend — after all — he was honest with her and actually discussed what he was really feeling. It just brought up an interesting topic and his words are too provocative to not use! *grin*)
I am not sure my situation pertains to this topic but there are here goes… There are times when I am pursuing someone and things seem to go off well until the gal tells me that she’s not into me and whatnot and then I just slowly stop talking to her.
I know I am bad, but “100% goes both ways”.
“Wooing” applies to a variety of areas in life. It means the difference between getting the date, the job, the promotion, or whatever it is worth passionately pursuing. Once you have won and achieved the objective, the prize, or WON the heart of the one being pursued. You’ve got to work that much harder, sharper and smarter to maintain the edge. Once you let down, you get careless, sloppy, inconsistent, un-romantic, or just plain boring. Since its football season, I’ll resort to a football analogy the guys can connect with. Gals, pay attention because this may applie to you in another way, and since it’s football, you’ll potentially make an impression on your guy with some of this understanding. In a three way race to win the starting job as a team’s quaterback, there is a competition. Each QB is trying to WOO the attention of coaches, teammates, management, media, etc by bringing his A-game to camp. It means being physically ready, mentally sound, and putting on display all of those skills, talents and abilities in the arena to exhibit action and make an unforgetable impression. Say QB-B has won the job over QB-A and QB-C. Now QB-B must not only do what he’s done to get the job. he must do what he’s done plus a little bit more to keep the job. In relationships, the guy who has won the gal’s heart should be doing whatever is necessary (WIN) to keep doing what he has done to WOO
(Win Others Over) in this case the gal by finding ways to love and serve. One questions to consider is Why has the guy lost his motivation. I’ll have to concur with Andrew that relationship are not 50/50. They are 100/100 going both ways.
Nice analogy CE!
Here’s a quote that sums everything up: “Don’t make others a priority if others consider you an option…”
Buying the horse is the cheapest, easiest part…
Cheekiness aside… I think wooing never stops. It’s something that brings as much joy to the wooer as the wooee (who thought I would ever get to use that in a sentence?! Thanks Kel!) is never a point of expectation, should be entirely mutual, and not out of one’s nature. So if Roxanne’s boyfriend wasn’t opening doors because it gave him a little charge, a sense of ‘taking care of his girl’ in a way that made him proud of himself and proud of her (instead doing it because he was told by his father that had to starting with his Junior Prom…) or if Roxanne sat there and waited for him to do his duty (sorry Roxanne, I’m just making broad ‘for instances’ here) it takes the shimmer, or the charge away from the woo. If the woo has no shimmer, who wants it? If the boyfriend hated opening doors but had something that he loved to do that warmed Roxanne’s heart (a drawing of her sleeping? A weekly toothbrush art installation? A perfect cup of coffee? Rummaging around in the kitchen to make a bowl of popcorn for her while she was reading a book?) THAT is where his energies would have been best served for the long haul. The trick to keep it moving, I think, is to inspire reciprocation, rather than expect it.
My Hubby and I woo with things like favorite Lasagna when someone is having a crappy day, or sneaking out of bed before the other is awake to start a fire in the fireplace to make starting the day an easier thing to face on a cold morning (we live in the mountains. It’s cold and dark here during the winter… this is a biggie – ) We have a bunch of them – a few traditional, some off the wall… but all elements of an ongoing woo.
Mutual woo is so important. And many people forget that there is true joy in giving woo as well as receiving it.