Will You Change Your “Relationship” Status?

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Changing your “relationship status.”

For those who live and breathe social media, this little click of a button signifies a one-line piece of big news. But for people who are skeptical of the value of sharing their life with a world of partial strangers, changing that status can be a make it or break it moment in every relationship.

The real problems arise when you are dating someone who feels differently than you do about shouting out to the world that you are in a relationship. If you’re a little in doubt as to where your boyfriend or girlfriend falls on the “status change” issue, here are some tips on how to spot and communicate with the 4 most common types of social media attitudes:

1. Transparent: This dater sees no reason to not share the news.  If they sense reluctance in their significant other about changing their status, Mr. or Ms. Transparent will likely start to doubt that the other person is as seriously committed to the relationship and it can spawn problems that never would have existed before social media threw the relationship gauntlet down.  They are very likely to assume that a higher level of privacy means their new boy/girlfriend is trying to keep  options open or hiding something. It’s imperative to communicate well and have GOOD reasons for not posting if you’re dating one of these types.  You can spot the transparent type simply by viewing their news feed. Lots of personal information divulged? Emotions freely posted? Wall and pictures “open” for even non-friends to view? Tons of friends they’ve never met IRL? You’ve got a transparent type.
2. Cautious: Mr. or Ms. Cautious is going to weigh all the pros and cons of posting a change in relationship. They may change their risk/reward attitude and not want to post with one person but are ready to do so quickly with another. For this person, changing your relationship status is a bit like baptism. It’s an outward sign of an inward change of heart. It’s important to communicate clearly with this person and rationally discuss the motives behind when you want to change your status. They are likely to listen if you have reasons for not posting, but really do need to hear those reasons. You can spot the cautious ones by looking to see how managed their online persona is. Are they careful about what they post? Perhaps avoiding a lot of “emo” posts or very selectively posting certain pictures. Also, if they use social media for work, they are going to be more sensitive to how a post will come across to a varied audience.
3. Burned: The I’ve been burned crowd is also going to be VERY cautious about changing a relationship status but for very different reasons. They have either seen their friends make fools of themselves by popping into and out of relationships online or they have, themselves, been burned by posting a relationship status change only to have it backfire on them in some horrific way. Try to be understanding if you are dating someone who falls into this category. They really aren’t avoiding the post because of you, it has a lot more to do with keeping the drama in their lives to a low roar. You’ll be able to spot these daters more by the tone of how they talk about status updates. Their social media will be pretty carefully managed (kind of like Mr. and Ms. Cautious,) but they are very likely to let slip some sarcastic commentary about the foolishness of social media.
4. Not Gonna Do It: Tough luck if you fall into one of the other categories and want this person to change their status. They just aren’t going to do it. For whatever reason, they abhor the very idea of the world knowing their business and just will not bow to social pressure to stick their stake in the relationship status sandbox. A word to the wise, use another measure of character to see how committed to your relationship they are. It may be because they are uber-private or may be that they are an uber-cheater. You may hear a treatise on why they’ll never change it or you may never even get to have a clear conversation explaining how they feel. But if you ‘re doubting them, don’t do it because of social media… look at their real life and make up your mind. Spotting tips: Sparse profile, low amount of personal information. Almost like their social media page is simply a place holder because they are expected to have one. Privacy settings will be on red alert and they are likely to have 1-2 pictures max.

As always, communication and patience is critical. Don’t let something like a difference in sharing styles sabotage your relationship before you ever get a chance to know each other. Everyone has reasons behind what they do and why they feel the way they do about it… it’s worth it to find out what your date really thinks apart from social media. You never know, they may even change your mind about clicking that button.