Retreat weekends. The kind of weekends where girls and guys hope they might get to snuggle by the fire with a new love interest. Where shoes get dirty from lawn games, your inner teenager is channeled and derrieres get sore after extended periods of listening to speakers. A magical time away from reality where you forget that sleep, healthy food and solo time are essential for the soul. Ahhh retreats.
In case you haven’t figured it out, I went on a retreat last weekend. Being new to town, I decided to toss myself in the deep end and meet a bunch of new people in my local church community. As some of you may know, I have a policy about being “stuck” in places without an escape route handy… especially church events… (don’t judge!) which is why I volunteered to drive. So, I got the email telling me what strangers would be sharing my car and anticipated a 1-2 hour drive (depending on California rush hour traffic) of somewhat awkward conversation. Well, I’m glad to report, I was wrong. My 3 passengers arrived at 5:30 on the dot, ready to go with minimal luggage (the under-packer in me approved) and game faces.
As we navigated out of the city, conversation rolled around to what everyone does. Eventually it came to me. Interesting question. I decided to lead with the blog. For the next hour and a half, the two girls regaled me with dating stories, opinions and questions while the one guy in the car took mental notes and stayed largely silent. I decided that not only is he smart (gets paid to research new math formulas,) he’s wise (silence in the face of women discussing the dating dilemmas of San Francisco.) His mental note taking revealed itself as soon as we stopped for food… he opened every door, let the women go first, took the trays off the table for us, etc. We were charmed.
We came up with some unanswered questions and solved a few of the world’s problems, but here are the things I learned from my captive audience on that car ride through the rain:
- Women are fairly territorial. Why do women think it’s acceptable social behavior to “mark” a guy even if he hasn’t expressed interest in her?
- Men in San Francisco are used to women asking them out, so they rarely bother to take the lead. (This came under the heading: General Dismay) Is this dynamic changing everywhere or just some of the bigger cities? Do men like it or really prefer the old forms of male-led pursuit? If women dislike it so much, why do they continue to do it?
- Gaining confidence in yourself and what you bring to the table often comes with age and experience.
- Women in their early 20s tend to be a little skeeved when guys in their 40s express interest.
- It can be really confusing to try to figure out if someone likes you (for both sexes.) So, how do you let a guy know you’re interested without being a chaser?
Of course, I’ll have to post on a few of these topics… a lot of other ones came up over the course of the weekend… but I’d love reader feedback and commentary on some of our thoughts and questions. So, what do you think?
The Lone guy in your vehicle was smart to be taking mental notes especially in the presence of three women, one of them a writer who has come up with some pretty good stuff to think about during my time as being part of the audience. Bullet point #2 may be worth musing and exploring in the realm of cultural research. This factor is what I believe is contributing to the emergence of the “Peter Pan” man
#5. It comes down to being willing to take a risk and spend time talking with someone. Studies have indicated you’re going to have an idea of whether an encounter is going to move forward within the first 10 minutes which is why impressions count. As a guy, if a gal is taking some extra time, and is paying attention to you, it’s going to provide an indicator she has some interest. It’s going to involve engaging in conversation, asking good questions, being a good listener, doing little things that make someone stand out. Being a servant, and it should run both ways as retreats and conferences are opportunities to put content being learned in the chairs into live action and application. There are two women that stood out when it comes to making an impression as learned from Sunday teachings over the weekend. They are Rebekah, and Ruth. Both caught the eye of their suitors, or in Rebekah’s case, the family servant of Abraham because they were in service when they were spotted. The application goes both ways for men and women that a heart to serve that one you are interested in is going to exceed beyond the temporal fleeting moments of a new love interest as that will wear off and fade like the fog in the bay area (Does that happen?) That is just one element that stands out in the realm of expressing interest, and an invitation to the men that a woman is willing to be pursued.
“Hear, hear” to Current Events. Hits the nail on the head with the comments about “a heart to serve”(not just the person in which they are interested, people in general). It’s an very attractive trait and tends to stand the test of time.
very much agreed with you both!