Ahhh, economic woes. Budgetary cutbacks really bring out the penny pincher in us all. Especially when it comes to the old social life. But how do you know whether your date thinks you’re cheap or frugal? A few simple distinctions may help you stay on the more gracious side of the wallet…
- A cheap date values the dollar over a person. A frugal date values the person over the dollar.
- Cheap dates are inconsiderate. They skimp on the tip or request that their date order something less expensive. A frugal date
takes you somewhere where they know they can afford the bill without cheating the servers or anxiously monitoring your food selection. - Cheap dates think short-term. Frugal dates think long-term. Example: A cheap date will insist on splitting the bill to the penny and likely leave their date to pay the lion’s share of the tip (killing the mood for romance.) A frugal date pays the dinner bill and may suggest their date pick up the tab on the next activity (desserts, movie, put-put…) thus preserving their date’s good will AND prolonging an enjoyable evening.
- Cheap dates do everything possible to get the lowest price no matter what it costs in good will or reputation. Frugal dates are willing to spend on people and things they care about.
- Cheap dates keep a running tally on how much going out with you cost them. Frugal dates are not likely to.
- A cheap date’s cheapness affects the people around them. A frugal date’s frugality affects their own bottom line.
- Ultimately, cheap dates have a hard time keeping an eye on their end goal while frugal people won’t let money get in the way of what they want. A prime example of this would be a guy who really wants to find a great girl with whom to settle down. If that guy is cheap, he’ll continue to let pennies get in the way of courting a quality woman by bringing up how pricey things are or even insisting on splitting the cost of a date based on what each person consumed (unless his was more expensive — THEN he’ll split the check evenly.) But a frugal guy will just make sure to plan charming activities that aren’t that pricey and never bring up the cost factor. If he’s really good at it, his dates aren’t even likely to notice that he never drops a wad of cash on them. (Unless the women are gold diggers, in which case, neither frugal NOR cheap guys have a chance.)
In case you can’t tell, I’m a proponent of frugal. To me, it’s smart to know your limits and stay within them. But if you are the frugal sort who goes low-cost on your dates but high cost on other things (like cars, homes, boats, clothes, gaming equipment, travel, etc) just know that your date will eventually notice that you don’t spend money on her like you do on other things and accordingly places herself on your scale of priorities. If she gets upset about it, and you secretly know she’s right, you may need to take a look at what’s really important to you and adjust your budget.
There is another side to this coin. What about the expectations of the woman? Back in my single days, I never dated a woman who I considered “high maintenance,” someone who wanted the world on a silver platter and wouldn’t be happy with anything less. Those women irritate me. As they do most men. I would definitely toss myself into the “frugal” category, saving where I can but spending money where there is real value. For instance, I splurged on my wife’s engagement ring. This won’t sound real romantic, but one reason (certainly not the only one) I married her was her frugality. She loves a bargain — a real bargain, not the 20% off coupon for something she wouldn’t have otherwise bought. She knows better. But we are both willing to spend money on things that are worth it. If you’re dating someone who is high maintenance, run as fast as you can! Unless of course, you’re high maintenance have met your wealth-focused soul mate.
I think there are different levels of “willing to spend.” For example, I consider myself pretty frugal in a lot of areas but the areas where I am not… and I’m willing to spend… might freak someone out who isn’t willing to spend in that area. It can be an interesting dance
BTW — when if your wife going to start commenting on here?
Good advice—I like the distinction between frugal and cheap. I get a bad vibe if a guy is a cheap tipper…it shows me that he doesn’t value a person’s work. At any rate, I like a guy who doesn’t break a good mood by going over who paid for what.
You and me both Kelly!