I have a confession to make. I was reading along in righteous indignation on this post about a serial meal ticket hunter whose game plan was to raise the ante from drinks to dinner for every date when I realized… wait a minute, I think I might have inadvertently done this myself a time or two. On those nights when I tried to fit in one too many things between work, work out and date — leading me to choose between shower or snack. I’ve definitely been guilty of showing up hungry (but clean) to what was only defined as a “drinks” date.
Granted, I’m pretty sure I usually offer to pay for my food when this has happened, but what if I forgot? I tend to have the policy that he or she who does the asking does the paying and if I’m having a good time with someone, I might forget that this only was supposed to be drinks. Ah well, let’s hope I haven’t been categorized as “meal ticket hunter” due to one of my lapses. *sigh*
Of course, now I’m facing an additional dating dilemma thanks to my recent move. This part of the country seems a bit more adverse to anything that hints at something other than strict equality and where – frankly — the economic woes have hit hard. Am I going to have to be even more selective in who I accept a date with to avoid being perceived as a meal ticket puncher? I’m not afraid to suggest things like walking by the water or visiting a park in leu of sitting at a table spending money, but admittedly… most of those dates seem to lead to a “friend’s only” vibe. (Which really bums me out because I’d love to be on a great date who grabs my hand as we walk towards the setting sun because the connection between us is palpable. Ahhhh, romance…)
I talked a little bit in a previous post about how my dad raised me with fairly old-fashioned values, so I’ll admit to being more attracted to the men who like to pursue, court and woo. But how to communicate that in a dating culture where it’s not really the norm and might, in fact, be seen as playing games? Not only do the girls here totally out-class me when it comes to hunt and capture tactics, but I don’t know that I would respect a man who wanted me to do the hunting. In my mind, that equates to him being passive.
Does this old dog need to learn new tricks?
HHHHhhhhh (big sigh) …
I guess I say don’t assume, and since you’re conscientious about not ‘using’ a guy for his wallet, the rest will work out – he’ll notice and appreciate it. I would think a guy would ask you for the walk/picnic/etc. if money were an issue for him. Personally I’m not interested in a chick that’s impressed by money – but then I’m weird it seems (too frugal for my own good some times, though there’s the rare female that appreciates it).
As for the being as competitive as the other girls .. I don’t know: maybe if some guys get used to that you might have to step up your ‘game’ if that’s the social norm. But I think this depends on he guy. Men are still men, and while maybe a little flattered if a women comes on to them, they’ll likely just rebuff attention they’re not interested in and move on. A ‘southern gal’ is still appreciate by most guys.
I think the real problem is that I lose interest when a guy sits back in expectation of me chasing him down. (Which may lead to me being disinterested in many of the options out here *grin*) Games just aren’t for me no matter what that means on the flip side — “losing out” to more aggressive women or what have you. All of that being said… I’ve met some really great guys who have no problems with taking the lead… so I don’t see it becoming a long term problem. Just one that may come up from time to time and enough of a cultural norm to make me take a second look at my own norms
As for you being frugal — it’s a hard line to walk between “frugal” and “cheap.” I keep wanting to write a post about it… perhaps now’s the time. Frugal = good. Cheap = not so much.
Woe. disconnect. Where did I say anything about you chasing a guy down? I was just responding to your comment that in your new location, the girls seem more aggressive, as opposed to in the south maybe they’re more laid back/responsive. I agree that a guy should be initiating if he’s interested (need to take my own advice on this – but this is a different topic).
Oh, I think I understand now — you were saying that in your new env. you’re concerned that if the guys ‘sit back’ too much you’ll just loose interest. Well, maybe that’s a good thing sometimes. If he’s not interested in you, then it’s best you not hang on to feelings for him (I’m great at stating the obvious, no?
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As for frugal: Yes, I am very careful to not be cheap. Some have said I’m very giving. Depends on the situation and the observer’s vantage point. Absolutely, cheap is bad (& selfish). My best friend warns me to be on the guard in this area too (ie. for me not to be cheap).