Anon 1: At least in part this is true, I guess. I always wanted to feel like the author where you feel all butterflies and excitement but maybe I will just take what ever I have in the back seat should the timing get to that point. Terribly unromantic, but I guess that is how all of these people end up together.
Anon #2: I don’t think it’s one or the other (Transactional versus emotional) but a bit of both. Timing is always important but if it feels right and the guy is not quite ready he will hold on to her until he is ready. If he is totally not ready he will let her go (if he is honest with her and himself). The above doesn’t work if the guy has a phobia of commitment or other abnormality.
Anon #3: I absolutely agree that timing is important. I was never ready to marry in my twenties. I’m just now feeling alright about it. And for many, maybe they do just choose to get off the single bus and accept it. For me, I’m still single at this point because I refuse to just settle because of age and timing. At times I feel absolutely awful about that too. Now that we are ready, why can’t we find the partner that we truly love and feel like they are the one, the one, the right time.
Anon #4: Very interesting perspective. I always wanted to believe that it was all about the “right girl” but I think I’ve come around to believe that timing plays some role in our decisions. I’m not saying that I’m discarding every great girl I meet until I reach some point in time when I’m all of a sudden ready to get married. I would say there’s probably some kind of sliding scale where over time I am more and more ready to meet (or better yet, anoint someone as) “the one.” I think timing does play a role in the kind of girls I’m meeting for sure. I go out and meet girls at bars right now. While I think that I am very likely to meet beautiful girls at the bars in Austin, it is infinitely less likely that I will meet a beautiful girl who also meets all of my standards for intelligence, kindness, interest, etc. But I think if I haven’t met the “right girl” by the time I’m 32 or so I’ll probably start looking more aggressively and letting friends set me up and stuff, or go on Match.com or something.
Some final thoughts from the Facebook stream:
- Wrong Girl: Anything from the “not feeling it” to “she’s crazy” or any myriad of deal breakers in between.
- Wrong Time: Unmet business goals, financial doubts, trouble with the ex, kids at the wrong age, death or illness in the family, etc.
- Wrong Guy: Fear of Commitment, Peter Pan syndrome, Fear of Inability to Provide, etc.
If all of those “wrongs” switch over to “right,” most men consider ring shopping.
As a single girl, you can only be responsible for one thing… yourself. There is literally nothing you can do to influence how a guy makes a decision if you’re dealing with a wrong time or wrong guy scenario. But if you are a “wrong” girl… THAT you can change.
As a man who married rather late in life (31) but who was engaged before at age 27 to someone else, I can attest to the “Miss Right” theory. Had I married the girl behind Door #1, I would have been somewhat more youthful and less lonely (on paper) for those next four years, but in the end I would have been miserable. Might have even contemplated murder. (Divorce is way too expensive.) When my real wife actually did come along — rather unexpectedly, I might add — we got married nine months after we met. Not exactly a whirlwind romance but close. You could say we carried our dating relationship “full term.”
I dated many women before I found the right one. During all of that, I often wondered if I’d ever find true love before I needed a walker. Turned out, timing wasn’t the issue. When you have the rest of your life to spend together, the start date isn’t as important as finding the one who’s worth waiting for.
My concern is not “timing” vs “right one.” I’m more concerned that 31 is “late in life” for marriage. YIKES!
No doubt! If 31 is “late in life” — what does that make me?? LOL
Okay, pardon me whilst I delicately remove my size 12 loafer from between my teeth. I guess 31 isn’t really “late in life,” only later than someone who marries in his or her 20′s, that’s all. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to put down the shovel so I can stop digging myself a deeper pit.
here’s to hoping they were peppermint flavored…
Wow, I was looking for some coupons for Popeye’s and I came across this.
You’ve given this stuff a lot of thought, heh? I was married for almost a year. Prior to being married, the relationship was at the point where I thought it was enough for a good starter marriage. She ended up sleeping around, disrespecting my friends, and killing my cat.
Be Cool,
Chicago Aku Aku
Killing your cat? Sounds like War of the Roses!
At previous commenter: What is a starter marriage? Is that what I think it is? Very interesting.
Sorry about the cat.