Monthly Archives: January 2010

My Dad’s Dating Advice to His Daughter: Or Sh*t My Dad Says

My dad raised me with very, very old-fashioned values. Don’t call boys, don’t pursue men, certainly don’t let men pay for too much or they might think you owe them something, never stay under the same roof with a man you aren’t married to and only prostitutes wear boots (Due to this last assertion, my sassy boots stay in the car when I visit. The paramedic guys may be really cute in Southern Cali, but I can hold off on needing to call them because I caused my dad to have a heart attack.)

You (and I) may not agree with all of his assertions (especially the boot thing) but there are some areas where he actually knows what he’s talking about. Insights like Continue reading

Dear Men: Passivity is not your friend

After a heart to heart with one of my love-lorn “nice” guy friends this weekend, I thought perhaps a post on the difference between “nice” and “passive” might be worth writing. If you suspect that you’ve confused the two, here’s a kick in the pants from your favorite dating blogger. *grin*

I’m thinking the “nice guys finish last” saying should be changed to ”passive guys finish last.” After all, I know a lot of “nice” guys who do very well with the ladies, but they are definitely not passive. What’s the difference between nice and passive? “Nice” is a way to do unto others and “passive” is an attitude of letting others do unto you.

For American guys, dating is hard work. Continue reading

“All Men Are Dogs”

What Dogs Do

I’m always interested when I hear a guy say this, because, in fact, I know a lot of great guys who are not dogs. (Well, they are dogs in the cute, cuddly and loyal sense but not in the pejorative sense.) So, why would a guy make this statement? Especially to follow-up any protestations with statements like: “Well, if you don’t think he’s a dog, it’s just because you don’t REALLY know him.” Or my favorite, “Just give him time.” You would think the guy would NOT want you to think men are dogs because then you might decide to become a cat person.

But I think he’s going for a bit of reverse psychology to excuse his own doggish behavior. You see, dogs are pack creatures by nature and not typically cut out to be a lone wolf. So if he can convince himself AND you that all men are just like him — then he has an interior justification for what he does and “good” reason you should accept his dog-like behavior. (Because anything better simply isn’t available.)

So, I’ve decided to add this statement to my rolodex of yellow/orange flags. Why not red? Well, sometimes a guy is just saying it because he’s mistakenly trying to commiserate with your bad date dog stories and intends to follow-up his statement with something like… “My mom and sisters taught me better.”

Why Men Commit

One of my readers came across this article asserting that men decide to marry based more on timing than love. Understandably, (after all – this does rock the boat on the whole Cinderella myth) she was a little nonplussed and asked for my POV. Honestly, I’d never really thought about it. I guess I was going along with the “when he finds the right girl” theory, but the article made me question my assumption… so, I asked the guys and this is what they had to say:

Is Googling Someone Considered Stalking?

Recently an intriguing site linked to one of my articlesallwomenstalk.com. At first I thought it read “All women’s talk” and thought… well, I can see the connection there and clicked over. But my interpretation wasn’t quite on the money. The title actually reads “All women stalk.”

Ok, so you have to admit, that’s funny. And while I realize the site is not, in fact, about stalking (as in the illegal kind) I started to wonder… is it true? Do all women stalk? Continue reading

Maybe I Really Shouldn’t Have Said That…

I’m going to venture into uncharted territory today and make an “all” statement… I think, at one time or another, we’ve ALL opened our mouth and said something we later came to regret.

Even you quiet sorts that I’m always encouraging to communicate and speak your mind, I’m betting that even you have said something you deeply wished you could retract after the fact. (Of course, maybe you became a quiet sort after one of those peppermint flavored shoe experiences…)

Yes, communication is vital. I would say it’s one of the top 3 determining factors in the success or failure of a relationship… be it marriage, dating, friendship, work, family, etc. But part of communication is Continue reading

Are You Really Intimidating?

Ok ladies, I’m betting you’ve heard this one before… “The reason guys don’t ask you out is because you’re intimidating.”

My personal take on it before I got the guy feedback? I thought there were a couple of reasons a guy might tell you you’re “intimidating:”

  1. I don’t want to insult you, but I’m not going to ask you out.
  2. I’m overwhelmed/impressed/a bit in awe at how together you are/hot you are/accomplished you are/etc.
  3. I’m not sure I have anything to offer/you don’t put out the vibe that you think I have anything to offer
  4. You’re totally not approachable/I’m a chicken checking to see if you’d consider going out with me anyway.

I did some unofficial polling on my FB and Twitter feeds to ask the men-folk what they were *really* thinking  when they said this one and, of course, had a LOT of women weigh in with an opinion. But here are the guy replies to my question… Continue reading

How To Stop Hating Dating

Today, I’ve signed up for torture on the advice of a good friend. Some of you may consider my previous forms of exercise to be torture enough (Rowing, Advanced Pilates, Gyrotonics, Cardio Kickboxing, Core Blast, Wake Boarding, Skiing, Salsa, Swing Dancing, Personal Training, etc.) But I consider almost all of them to be fun. This afternoon, I’ve signed up for a TRX class… and despite the anticipated sore muscles I think it’s going to be great! (even though I’m writing this today in anticipation of not being able to type tomorrow.)

But as I was thinking about the whole resolutions game and getting in shape and being sore and all the crazy things that we do to ourselves in order to become “better” people, it occurred to me that changing the way we date can be just as daunting, time-consuming and muscle fatiguing as training for a new sport.

I mean really… you’ve got everything from stubble burn to heart burn… so, why do we do it? Love, sex, romance… moonlight kisses, beating hearts, butterflies and such? Marriage and family? Perhaps the intimacy of being known and loved for who you are… faults and all. All of the above? None of the above? Continue reading