On Text Flirting: A Guy’s POV

As always… my friends provide the most interesting topics. This one is a guy’s point of view on flirting via emoticons and conTEXTual innuendos…

Text Flirting by Kyle Nowakowski
Since the majority of communication is non-verbal, I think we have to be especially cautious when flirting (or avoiding flirtation) via emails and texts. If someone is having a conversation with a person they are interested in, it’s natural for the person to try and pick up on cues that he/she sends, and vice versa, whether it be during a conversation the two are having in person or writing each other via email. The problem with trying to pick up cues via email is that you don’t have a lot of options to send someone via email to show that you’re interested. And if you do want to send some cues, you usually have to make them blatantly obvious. For example, “That was a great book recommendation. Thanks ”  versus “That was a great book recommendation. Thanks “

To me, a dude, the first smile implies “friendliness” and the latter wink implies “flirtiness.”

The email wink carries with it a lot of power. In real life, when you want to let someone know you like them, rarely do you wink at them in person these days to let them know. (Didn’t they do this in the 1950’s?) But, on email, short of sending a pair of pair of red lips, or typing “hey, I like you,” the wink is about the only symbol you can send that might directly let a person know that you’re interested. So, I think it should be used sparingly. (Unless you’re a “wink slut,” and just want somebody to take out on a date.)

On the other hand, the meaning of the wink depends on the context of the conversation or comment too. It can usually follow a sarcastic remark or a witty comment, which makes it all the more difficult to decipher. I think the rule of thumb should be, if you feel the other person is flirting with you via email, more than likely your “gut” is probably right. Most of us grew up sending emails so we know the weight that typed words and symbols carry with them. Our grandparents on the other hand, not so much. If your grandparent sends you a wink over email, she/he could be trying to tell you that it’s too bright inside, and to shut the shades. Or that he/she has pink eye and needs to be taken in. Who knows.

Anyways… what it comes down to is this: that communication via email is limited. It’s a great way to communicate directly and frankly. But I think you need facial expressions and vocal inflections and crazy hand waving gestures to be able to pick up the emotion and nuances that come with day to day conversation and flirting. Its difficult to pick up on these subtleties via emails without coming across as over-the-top. So, I say, only if you’re 99% sure you want to let the other person know you are flirting should you use the wink. OR if it follows an obvious joke or witty remark. Otherwise, you could be sending the wrong signal, or further blurring the lines between wink and non-wink smiley, which would be tragic.