Monthly Archives: December 2009

Top 10 Posts of 2009: From Text to Sex

Very, very rarely do I get on a bandwagon since they rarely seem to be going somewhere interesting… but I’m loving all the year in review posts I’m reading this week. So… the Top 10 posts of 2009 is a wagon I’m getting on. Buckle up for a cruise through the top 10 most read posts on Dating and Mating in America this year. I thought I would add the twist of divulging the inspiration behind each post. (You may be surprised …)

1. How To Date An Entrepreneur

Easily the top post of 2009 generating more views, comments, private emails and link-backs than rest of the top 3 combined. Honestly, this one was a bit of a shocker for me. I guess I didn’t think there were THAT many people dating entrepreneurs out there since we all seem to be inundated with too much work to find much play time, but I was wrong. I got emails from thankful business owners who had printed and posted the article for their husband/wife to read as they walked by the refrigerator every day. Wiki How published the content soon after it posted on my blog. I was accused of pandering to gold diggers by those who didn’t read the post and fired  upon by daddy’s girls who never saw the hard work side of what their father had to do to build his business. All in all, I loved the conversation and discussion the post generated. But what I loved most of all was hearing from the people who were about to break up with their entrepreneur until they read the article and realized that not only were they not alone… there was a method to the madness.

My inspiration was simple… I am an entrepreneur, raised by an entrepreneur who has dated entrepreneurs. It really is a different world. Not bad, just different. And it takes a certain kind of someone to be able to go with the flow when dating or mating those of us who live in the land of self-employment.

My greatest challenge? Spelling entrepreneur.

2. Does Hooking Up Hurt You?

Inspiration on this one unfortunately came from real life. I had just gotten out of a month of hearing one friend after another hurt by “no strings” hook-ups only to discover that strings were, in fact, attached. I learned this lesson the hard way myself a few years ago and have done what I am able to honor the fact that I’m a pretty typical girl on this point. When I read Oakley’s article, I knew I wanted to share it and see what my readers thought.

3. Don’t Be So Sure You’re In The Friend Zone

You can see the inspiration for this post in the first paragraph — totally real life and contrary to my normal practice, right on target with what was going on in my own life. Personally, I tend to not think too much about the friend zone. If I’m in it, well, then that’s that and I move on to someone else… but I have wondered a time or two…

4. What Does It Mean That He Asked Me Out For A Weekday Night?

Despite my awkward title, this post continues to generate read after read which gives me the giggles since it’s just my own personal take on something silly. My inspiration was a friend’s question as to what it could possibly mean that he’d asked her out for a Tuesday and my reply was… “That he wants to go out with you?”

5. How To Know When Someone Is Rebounding

I love this one. It was fun to write and I was able to borrow quite a bit from all the crazy stories I hear from daters all over the country. Not to mention… a recent ex of mine and I were rebounding after our break up (yes, there were some funny stories attached to that one as well.)

Not surprisingly, “rebound” is a search term I see almost everyday on my stats page.

6. High Maintenance/Low Maintenance

Another fun one to write. My inspiration came from celebrities, friends, stories, “When Harry Met Sally” (who doesn’t get inspired by that movie?) When I lived in LA, I used to say that I wouldn’t date a guy who took longer than me to get ready. I suppose that isn’t very fair considering I take about 20 minutes max and the LA guys do LOVE their hair products… but what can I say? I was young. I suppose that doesn’t excuse that I still feel the same way today… hummmmm…

7. You May Be In The Friend Zone If…

No surprise here… more friend zone questions. This one was inspired directly by a blog comment on my first friend zone post.

8. Let’s Talk Body Language

One of my more practical application posts, I’ve used this one pretty heavily as reference in other posts. Body language is a huge part of communication and something I’m somewhat fascinated by. It’s also a big reason I’m not a huge phone talker… I think I really just get a better feel for someone when I can see beyond what they are saying :)

9. Email, Text and Phone Call Return Etiquette

Inspiration here came from multiple friend conversations about being “over” texting or the guys not calling thing and then wham… I went to see “He’s Just Not That Into You” which brought the whole post together. Monica Hesse from the Washington Post interviewed me about this topic… bringing my first mention as a dating writer in a national pub (exciting) and I had a lot of fun fielding the comment and email questions this post brought up.

10. What Do You Do With A Bad Kisser?

Along with searches for sex and “granny mating” (don’t ask, I don’t want to know) come the constant searches about bad kissing. Finally, I decided to write a post sharing my own bad kissing experience just for fun. And you all can apparently relate.

Honorable Mentions

These posts all came within a few hits of being in the top 10…

How To Really Enjoy New Year’s Eve

It’s probably pretty easy to get caught up in wishing a fond (or not so fond) farewell to 2009 and welcoming in 2010 with new resolutions, pant girding parties and all sorts of other mayhem. I’m with you. While I actually had a pretty splendid 2009, I’m looking forward to an even better 2010. Everything feels new and fresh and right out of the box, so I plan to enjoy unwrapping the new year.

New Years Eve always seems to be one of those holidays that can make or break a relationship. I mean, let’s admit it… expectations run high and disappointment can flow deep. Some people who like to celebrate in style are dating or married to people who would rather hunker down with a home cooked meal, fire light and one on one time. It can lead to… issues, resentment, complaints and arguments. But it doesn’t have to… Continue reading

How to Spot Character: The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

I talk a lot on this blog about character. In fact, I wrote a whole post on the difference between character and integrity that you can check out if you want more info. But I thought that this might actually be a great time of year to re-examine the basics on spotting how important developing good character has been in your significant other’s life.

The Good:

  1. Treats everyone with respect and kindness including waiters, help, difficult family members, boss, co-workers, etc.
  2. Tells the truth even when it’s a hard thing to do or may bring trouble.
  3. Is a man or woman of their word — reliable and trustworthy. If he says he’ll call, he calls. If she says she’ll be there, she’s there.
  4. Speaks well of other people.
  5. Gives credit where credit is due and is able to accept blame if need be while refraining from being defensive about it.
  6. Looks for areas to grow and learn in life.
  7. Consistency between public and private persona.

The Bad: Continue reading

The 4 Types of Online Daters

Have you noticed that online dating has become more and more like a trip to the store with a list of items you want? Tall and with hair. Check. Young and perky. Check. Wants children. Check. I’m as guilty as the next person of having a few items that are deal-breakers, but I’ve tried to avoid the shopping list mentality because I’ve seen a really detrimental attitude spring from it… that people are disposable.

A friend recently shared the analogy of online dating being like a trip to the grocery store with a bargain hunter mentality. Pick up one can at the beginning of the aisle and put it into the cart only to drop it off a few steps later for a different brand at a cheaper price. Repeat the process ad nauseum, trading out one “item” for another and ignoring the fact that the cheaper one might leave you with heartburn and indigestion or that you’ve discarded several really good cans of beans along the way.

I think he’s right on the money in his analogy, but how can we avoid treating each other as disposables in the process of trying to find a match? I mean, it’s not like we can date everyone we meet for the rest of our lives. Continue reading

On Text Flirting: A Guy’s POV

As always… my friends provide the most interesting topics. This one is a guy’s point of view on flirting via emoticons and conTEXTual innuendos…

Text Flirting by Kyle Nowakowski
Since the majority of communication is non-verbal, I think we have to be especially cautious when flirting (or avoiding flirtation) via emails and texts. If someone is having a conversation with a person they are interested in, it’s natural for the person to try and pick up on cues that he/she sends, and vice versa, whether it be during a conversation the two are having in person or writing each other via email. The problem with trying to pick up cues via email is that you don’t have a lot of options to send someone via email to show that you’re interested. And if you do want to send some cues, you usually have to make them blatantly obvious. For example, “That was a great book recommendation. Thanks :) ”  versus “That was a great book recommendation. Thanks ;)

To me, a dude, Continue reading

3 Questions to Ask Yourself Before Contacting Your Ex

I don’t know what it is about the holiday season that makes so many of us spin rosy pictures of past relationships in our minds, but there’s no way around it… it’s a challenging time for the newly and/or lonely single. It’s tempting to hop on Google or Facebook and do a quick search for your former lovers. Harmless right? Well, not really. Not for you, anyway. And not for the person you searched if you decide to act on your loneliness.

Former flames are tricky things. Some flare back up and burn your fingers and others have no desire to ever see your face again considering you broke their heart into a million pieces when you left the first time. (Even if you didn’t know you were the smithereen architect) Some wind up safely re-kindling and others just become a non-event that fades into the minutia of life. Some you remember why you broke up in the first place and others never reply to your contact. All in all, it can be the impetus for one big mess that makes you even more lonely if you aren’t careful,

So perhaps ask yourself a few key questions before you go hunting up your past flames… Continue reading

The Secret of Dating Positive People

Our culture makes it pretty easy to focus on the problems. The issues. The deal-breakers and red flags. After all, critics decide where we go to eat and what movies we want to see. Parents teach children to watch out for the car that could hit you instead of why it’s fun to stay on the sidewalk. The news drones day in and day out about all the issues deemed newsworthy in our country, state, city… and usually, it’s all pretty bleak. Even Eharmony insists that you decide what your top 10 “can’t stands” are in order for you to send along your top 10 “must haves.”

I’m wondering if perhaps this consistent perusal of the negative unduly influences our dating and mating patterns. What would happen if we came home from a date or time with our partner and focused on all the great stuff that happened instead of the poor service at the restaurant or his lack of chivalry when it came to opening your door? After all… most people think the falling in love part is the most exciting time in a relationship and what do you do more when you are falling for someone than focus on all the positive things you love about that person?

Perhaps changing your focus would change the kind of people attracted to you. I’m not suggesting that you go from Chicken Little to Pollyanna, but maybe just a tweak or two in the stories you love to share, the way you recap a date for your friends or in how you think about your ex. Think about how it sounds when you go on and on about your crazy ex… I mean, after all, YOU decided to date/marry the crazy person you’re telling stories about. So what does that say about you?

There is one thing for certain about positive people… positive people like to be surrounded by those who support vision and dreams, not the ones who focus on the problems, issues and “yes, buts” of the day.

The secret to finding and dating positive people? Be one yourself.

Hosting for Romance: How to find a date at your own party

For me, hosting a big party is part of the fun of the holiday season. Likewise, I’m a fan of going to other people’s parties and meeting a new group of people. I’ve noticed something really interesting though… hosting styles vary from host to hostess and many times your hosting style determines whether or not you’re going to meet someone romantically interesting at your own party.

You’d be surprised at how hard it is for a hostess to have any kind of solo time with a guest of interest due to the myriad of issues that can come up during a party… spilled drinks, overflowing toilets, candles gone wild, out of control tiki torches or fire pits. One year I had a Halloween combination of roller girls who couldn’t keep their skates underneath them and consequently put a hole in my wall and a 6’4″ drunk guy passed out on my back lawn. That was also the first and last year I said “okay” when someone wanted to bring jello shots to the party.

Anyone who’s hosted a party before knows what I’m talking about… everyone else makes connections and you are left answering phone calls the next day about how to get so and so’s information and “did you think he was into me?” conversations. So, how do you change that? Take a look at your hosting style. Continue reading

7 Ways to Meet Someone New at a Party

The holidays are here! Parties, new people, potential for hot dates and mistletoe kisses. Here are seven quick down and dirty tips about getting your flirt on over the next few weekends of holiday parties and how to make sure you don’t go home empty-handed.

  1. Help The Hostess: This one is especially effective if you are a guy. Fact 1: women notice when a guy does helpful things like taking out the trash or keeping the chip bowl stocked up. Fact 2: women think about how nice it would be to date a helpful guy. Fact 3: women might even ask the hostess about you. One thing for sure… if you want to catch a girl’s eye at the party… make sure she’s around when you’re being helpful and perhaps ask her to lend you a hand (something non-dirty and simple so you can chat while you’re at it.)
  2. Make Eye Contact and Watch Body Language: You hear it a lot for a reason. As a female, you’re giving the guy the go ahead to come talk to you when you give him “the look.” Guys — if a girl gives you a glance and then look back with a linger, you have been given the green light… go talk to her.
  3. Do not be an indiscriminate flirt. My dad always told me that the “good guys” take a while to watch you in action before asking you out. If you want to hook up well, let those boobies do the talking, but if you want to actually meet a quality guy… be more careful about where you aim those things. Guys — if a girl sees you entering other girl’s numbers into your crackberry, she’s not going to be as thrilled about giving you hers. Selectivity will serve you well in an environment where you just never know who’s checking you out.
  4. A is for Attitude: Bunions, break ups, drama date stories… oh my! Leave them at home. No one wants to hear about the downers of life at a party. For one thing, it’s hard enough to hear the good stuff over all the noise and secondly… your competition isn’t his or her next date… it’s the person walking towards you as your target’s attention wanders away from your tales of woe.
  5. Position yourself well: Continue reading