Dating and Mating in America

Top 5 Turn Ons

1. We love it when we can tell you read our profile. Yes, it’s fine that you noticed the picture first. We do too. But we love it when you mention something in your email that points to you having obviously read what we wrote as well.

2. There is something innately sexy about a confident initiator. The aww-shucks approach about having a friend write your profile or you not being used to this method of dating doesn’t really go as far as a guy who obviously knows online dating isn’t ideal but hey, we’re both here and you’re going to make the most of it by finding our sexy selves online and starting the pursuit.

3. If we think you’re hot, it’s going to take us a bit more time to figure out our approach. Women have subtle ways of being noticed and blatant ways of getting attention. Some women will pop by your profile everyday until you send a hello and others will write you a blatant email of interest, but no doubt about it… women look at the pictures too and at times, it doesn’t make a hill of beans difference what you write in your profile as long as you don’t confess to being a serial killer or Johnny stalker.

4. It’s a good thing to fill out what you’re looking for, since women will a LOT of the time, scroll down to see what really rocks your world. If you only fill out height, body type and ethnicity — you can imagine the message that will send even to a girl who fits into your stats. But if you fill out everything from height to education to religion, most women will feel a bit more secure in knowing that you know what you want and are looking for more than a Barbie doll who happens to be shorter and younger than you.

5. You. You are a top 5 turn on when the genuine you shows up. Most of us have learned to pay attention to our intuition and it almost always lights up when a guy starts showing his true colors. So, if you’re a goofy dork at heart, many girls will love that side of you. Or perhaps you really are an adventure seeking dare-devil… reveal that side of yourself in words and actions. Basically, women love to feel like they are one of the few who really *knows* you, so if you start letting her in… you’re likely to get a pretty quick reaction.

Top 5 Turn Offs

1. If she specifies an age bracket and you are 5+ years above it, she’s gonna do the “Ewwwwwwwwww… he could be my dad!” while deleting your email. Rest assured, women know that they *must* be flexible and more open about age parameters than they may really be comfortable with… after all, that’s what everyone tells them to do for online dating. That being said, the upper end of their bracket is probably already stretched a bit and she’s thinking, “He’s going to have to be hot, look young, funny AND successful to even get a reply email if he’s at the top end of my age bracket.” (Sorry guys, just telling it like it is for most women.) And no, you’re not fooling anyone when you lie about your age. Very few men actually LOOK younger thanks to hi-res cameras. That’s just something nice your relatives told you during your last mid-life crisis.

2. In that vein, catching you in a lie is also, not a turn on. Most women do not think, oh that’s cute — he lied about his height/age/married status/kids because he was afraid I wouldn’t like him. Nope, most women do the same thing you do when women post an inaccurate picture… “How DARE he/she lie to me and think I’m going to ignore it!” You really are better off just embracing everything about yourself and going with the truth. We do tend to find the truth sexy.

3. Most women can spot a canned approach from a mile away. Most women will not reply to aforementioned canned approach. If she does… she either thinks you’re hot enough to take a risk or she’s dumb, desperate or desperately bored. So, no, you are not a stealthy, smart, efficient man if you get a reply to your canned spam. She knows it’s spam and has decided to reply anyway. You may want to duck and cover.

4. Most women do not get turned on by mentions of sex or your sexual prowess in your profile. The same goes double for initial emails. Yes, we KNOW you think sex is important. And we KNOW physical affection is likely at the top of your list for any relationship. Duh. (p.s. It’s important to us as well, we just don’t bring it up since we think it’s obvious.)

5. Pictures. Ok guys, you may have the most buff bod in the world… I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again… the shirtless bathroom mirror self-portrait — there is just NOTHING sexy about it. I know so many girls that just pass that profile right on by no matter how cute the rest of your pictures are, because there’s just a creepy factor that’s hard to get over once you see that shot. I really wish the online sites would auto-delete those pictures, but until they do… post at your own peril.