Is Age Really Just A Number?

Disclaimer: today’s blog is more along the lines of personal musings and not intended to smite other’s opinions on this subject. I know age is a tricky topic when it comes to dating and mating.

I’ll admit, I’m a bit sad today. I’ve been reading through a lot of dating blogs and articles online and am seeing a repeated trend of if you’re this age it means _____. If a guy is 40 something and never married it means this, if a girl is in her 30′s it means that. Do we really have to do this to ourselves? I’ve been guilty, I know. And perhaps it’s naive to think that age doesn’t have to factor into the dating equation, but why do we have to be so pejorative about it?

Honestly, I’ve been known to tease my 30 something guy friends for continually being disappointed by love when they keep dating girls younger than 24 and I’ve been a victim of dating a guy a few years younger than me where his friends and family all told him that because I was a certain age, it meant XYZ. (The funny thing was that they were much closer to describing what he wanted at that point in life than what I wanted — ie. marriage, kids and 2.5 dogs in the burbs) But today, I am a bit wearied by the whole thing and wondering why we let the stereotypes get so influential. So what you’re in your 20′s and dating an older guy? So what you’re still single in your 30′s and don’t want to settle for just anyone? So what you’re in your 40′s and haven’t found the right girl? So what?

We all bring different gifts to the table. If I’d gotten married in my 20′s, it would have been a train wreck until I’d learned some of the lessons I needed to get under my belt before I could be a healthy partner. (That doesn’t mean that every girl in her 20′s is a train wreck. It was just my time to be train wreckish.) I have another friend who has practically grown up with the guy she married and it took them forever to become right for each other thanks to a mutual fear of commitment due to nasty family divorces (they are beautifully right for each other now — married in their 40′s.) I have friends who got hitched at a certain age because they were “supposed to.” I also have friends who are getting divorces from their “supposed to” spouses. And I know friends who are happily married since their early 20′s and happy “never married” in their 40′s and 50′s.

All of this to say, why does society try to use age determine our course and identity in life?

Yes, there are times when it’s time to stop acting like a child and grow up. And there are also biological clocks that count it down for the ladies. I get that. I just think that perhaps we could stop feeding the monster of judging each other for age-related life accomplishments and milestones.

I’ve been described as a “late bloomer” my whole life. Apparently, it’s a family condition. It’s only bothered me when I let myself be influenced by other people’s expectations of where I should or shouldn’t be in life. I’ve discovered, in the past few years, that the decisions I made, both contrary to and with society’s expectations, have created a woman who is actually really happy. Someone who might make a great partner instead of a relationship dependent.

I did not get married at 27 like I thought I was supposed to. I have not had kids in the “ideal time frame” expected. I did not climb a corporate ladder. But I usually don’t define my life by my “have-nots.” My “have-done” category is so much more revealing. That doesn’t mean I’m free of the consequences for the choices I made to get here, but I’ve found that I’m kind of ok with whatever that means. Yes, I’d like to get married. And kids… well, we’ll see what happens… but I really only want to do it if it means partnership, love and growth with the person who is right for me and I am right for him… instead of making a choice dictated by age.

After all, it’s really just a number, right?