I’m working on a pretty in-depth post about weight and dating and attitude and was hoping to post it today. And then I took my daily lunch blog break and caught up on Sex, Lies and Dating in the City. Simone posted a stunning story about a topic near and dear to my heart. Avoiding the “potential” trap. (Simone, please forgive me for not posting an entire article comment on your page since I decided cross-linking might be a better way to tackle how I feel about this one.)
The gist of the story. Boy meets girl. Girl and boy date. Ring and marriage is offered. Girl accepts with one caveat… she’ll only marry him if he changes X about himself. And proceeds to share that reason with anyone who asks when the wedding is. I definitely recommend sliding on over to Simone’s post if you want the whole story.
I searched through all my posts, certain that I’d written about the “potential trap” and couldn’t find it. And, of course, the whole concept ties in beautifully to my post on dating and weight issue. So, I decided to write a quickie (or, sigh, not so quick as it turns out) on potential today and perhaps make the one about weight a 2 part post for next week.
So, here’s my opinion on investing in potential:
Anytime someone says “I’ll love you if…” or “I’ll love you when,” the love becomes conditional. Period. Love isn’t something that can be parceled out like an abusive parent that loves you when you’re “good” and beats you when you’re “bad.” Because, no doubt about it, having conditions placed on you by someone who you love and trust feels like an emotional beating on the days that you don’t live up to their expectations. Continue reading →
Disclaimer: today’s blog is more along the lines of personal musings and not intended to smite other’s opinions on this subject. I know age is a tricky topic when it comes to dating and mating.
I’ll admit, I’m a bit sad today. I’ve been reading through a lot of dating blogs and articles online and am seeing a repeated trend of if you’re this age it means _____. If a guy is 40 something and never married it means this, if a girl is in her 30′s it means that. Do we really have to do this to ourselves? I’ve been guilty, I know. And perhaps it’s naive to think that age doesn’t have to factor into the dating equation, but why do we have to be so pejorative about it?
Honestly, I’ve been known to tease my 30 something guy friends for continually being disappointed by love when they keep dating girls younger than 24 and I’ve been a victim of dating a guy a few years younger than me where his friends and family all told him Continue reading →
When mom and dad talked about getting a little action, there were baseball analogies and references to above the waist and below the waist. Things were a bit more defined as to the LEVEL of exposure on your date. But today, the ubiquitous term “hooking up” covers everything from kissing on the dance floor to sex on the counter top at home and everything in between. For the listener to get to the gist of the story, they need to really know their friend well or ask “just exactly what do you mean by, ‘we hooked up?’”
Perhaps, instead of defining “hooking up” by how far or how much (since everyone has different opinions of what exactly hooking up entails,) perhaps we could start looking at the term “hooking up” as a way to define what you intend to do about it instead.
If you’ve been looking for a new way to increase your holiday dating options or find some profile inspiration, OK Cupid is offering to let you see and vote on their best in show when it comes to Who Has The Best Online Profile. According to Simone Grant, one of the main blogstresses promoting the contest, it’s, “intended to show off the smart, attractive, diverse and very dateable people who are currently using OkCupid.”
In case you’re looking for a refresher on what makes a profile memorable, I’ve written a bit about this topic in the past.
The contest runs from October 20, 2009, to November 30, 2009. Winners will be announced on December 2, 2009. All contest participants will be automatically enrolled in a sweepstakes for $250 cash. If you’re entering your profile… may the voting be with you and let us know so we can log in and vote on your profile too!
I think there are some scary things in this life… taxes and the economy, walking down dark alleys at night alone, sky diving, dating someone who writes or speaks about dating…
We all want to leave a footprint on the world. Most of us want to be someone who other people remember fondly. Dating can take its toll on a person’s reputation even if, in your opinion, you’ve never done anything to make people remember you poorly. The sad fact of the matter… reality is in the eye of the beholder and history is recorded by anyone who can record it. Meaning, your ex can say any darn thing about you that they want and there isn’t much you can do about it. Even if you’re Jennifer Anniston.
Ahhh romance. The birds and bees floating around your head in merry little circles and daydreams of how your soon to be Mr. or Mrs. would surely greet you every morning with fresh breath and a smile for the rest of your connubial lives.
Too bad reality can be such a pain in the arse.
Seriously, romance is great. I’m a big fan of falling in love, being in love, meeting the love of your life… etc. After all, I write this blog for a reason. I’m also a realist. After so many conversations with marrieds who lower their voice, furtively look around to make sure the honey isn’t in hearing distance and impart wisdom to me that they really really REALLY wish someone had shared with them before they got hijacked by the marriage train express, I’ve become even more of a fan of romance mixed with a huge dash of practical thinking.
Practical thought of the day, if you marry someone with bad credit, YOU are going to be the one paying for it.Continue reading →
Sorry for the lack of activity on the blog this week. I’m a bit leery of posting about a topic like dating while on cough medicine. Something about over-disclosure? *grin* No really, it’s mainly due to the inability to string coherent sentences together and who wants to read rambles? (I not only don’t want to read rambles, I don’t want to write them either!)
Rest assured, next week I’ll be back with a whole new slew of topics, stories and replies. Have a great weekend everyone and if you have a good idea for a post… leave me a comment! I love the inspiration. Thanks!
I’ve been asked time and time again, so here it is. My worst date ever.
It all started off one innocent day on Match.com where I was desultorily perusing new matches and saw a pair of nice eyes smiling back to me from an out of state match. At the time, I wasn’t that interested in dating out-of-state, but his email opened with the tidbit that he was moving to my town in 2 weeks. Well, ok then. I’ll take a look. The profile: seemingly normal, nice guy looking for love. The pictures: nice. Not great, not bad, but nice enough. Red Flags? Hummm… not really. Email? No emoticon abuse, better than average grammar, reference to something I said in my profile and a non-cheesy compliment.
He wrote back asking for a date when he was in town the next week.
Due to the number of emails I was averaging per contact, at the time, I decided to go ahead and skip all the back and forth and just meet the guy to see if there was any chemistry. I set the date at a little tex-mex place known for it’s great food if you can deal with the terrible service. I knew it’d be fairly empty for a mid-week, late lunch.
The week goes by with a few back and forth emails and the day arrives. I get to the restaurant and immediately spot Mr. Match. He looked like his pictures. Thumbs up!
I get asked this question a lot, and surprisingly, am less sure of my answer now than I was 10 years ago. The closest I can get to a real answer is… I don’t know. But if forced to take a position, I would say I believe that there are many people out there who have the possibility of being a “soul mate” for each person. And also that someone can become a “soul mate” over time.
I guess it’s time to admit to myself that my blog break has turned into something more. Thank you to all of you who have commented, subscribed, enjoyed and participated in this little online community. And thank you for continually … Continue reading →
To My Readers, I’m going on vacation. Yes, it includes travel, but it also means me giving these fingers a break and enjoying some time NOT looking at a computer screen. I’ll be back at the end of the summer. … Continue reading →
Do you totally identify with the old saying “nice guys finish last?” Well, maybe it’s not your niceness that’s killing your chances with the ladies… perhaps you need to hone your “edge. From last week’s post: Your “edge” is all … Continue reading →
You’ve all heard the saying “nice guys finish last.” And I’m betting that many of you have embraced it as truth. If you have, I’m going to make you a bit uncomfortable with this post because I don’t believe it. … Continue reading →
I’ve long been of the opinion that what you do to “catch” someone is what you have to do to “keep” that certain someone. If you’ve been reading my blog for any length of time, you’ve seen me write about … Continue reading →