Detoxing From Bad Dating Behaviors

Have you been returning to old pastures a bit too often in the quest for your perfect person? Perhaps dating cheater after cheater or “nice but not quite” again and again? Then, you too can try the patented new detox system for worn and weary daters for only $99.99 per month. Known for its effectiveness at stopping old behavior patterns dead in their tracks, this simple one step system can guarantee success or your money back. Call us at 1-800-takeur$ for more information! This offer ends in 30 seconds…

Ok, so, yes… I’m having a bit of fun about a difficult topic. It’s one of the most frustrating issues for most daters… how do I change the type of person I’m attracting? The “Secret” would suggest that you think your way to something different. The insanity approach goes something like… continuing to do the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome. Experience suggests that “all” men or women are the same so why bother expecting anything to change. Professionals tell you to stop what you’re doing, examine yourself and make the changes you need to make to yourself. Some approaches have better outcomes than others, but there is a component in them all that perhaps holds the key to success or failure… belief.

I’ve talked about the power of God, the power of attitude, the power of believing in yourself, the power of all kinds of things that affect dating from addictions to delusions… we all carry a certain amount of baggage that we either successfully wheel along behind us like the accomplished business traveller or leave trailing in our wake like a single parent trying to travel with two toddlers, one baby, a dog and grandma. But, I sincerely believe it comes down to what you believe about yourself that really creates the grade of what kind of person you attract.

If you believe that you aren’t worth a great guy, great guys are going to pick up on that and believe you whether you say a word or not. If you believe that all men/women are cheaters… you are likely to meet cheater after cheater and liar after liar… especially if you are one yourself. If you believe everyone plays a dating game, you’ll meet lots of daters willing to back up that belief. If you believe you are guided and protected by God and He’ll help you make good decisions… He likely does and will. If you believe dating is a way to learn great lessons about who would work best with you, then you are likely to pick up a lot of wisdom and discernment along the way. You get the gist…

You don’t believe me? Take a look at one of your friends who you think is successful in dating/marriage/etc. What do they believe about themselves? Now, ask yourself honestly… what do you believe about yourself?

I’m not a licensed therapist… so what I say comes from years of experience, talking to a lot of daters and marrieds all over the world and observation. There are a few things that I’ve seen work over and over in the course of someone trying to find a different path in their relational life and for lack of a better term, it’s a bit like detoxing. A dating detox is a fairly straight forward approach, but takes maturity, patience and a belief in your own worth to complete. It goes something like this…

1. Realize that you want to change.
2. Take the time you need — SOLO — to figure out what does not resonate with the outcome you desire. (It’s really hard to figure out what you want, independent of someone else’s desires or expectations when you are in a relationship or continuing to throw yourself into the dating pool.)
3. Make the changes needed within yourself.
4. Stay away from the things you don’t want anymore. In other words, change your playmates and playgrounds if you have to.
5. Get back out there and try, try again until you find what you want.

I’ve never seen anyone perfectly execute on the first try… if you have always dated jerks, it’s likely that you’ll relapse on one or two more jerks until you really hit your stride. If you’ve always been a cheater and want a long-term love complete with mutual respect… it might take you a fail or two before you believe you really can make the changes you need to make. But I do believe that people can change.

If they want to.

I’ve seen it happen.