Its so easy to pre-screen for things like faith, politics, children, etc. with online dating, but set-ups, bar hook-ups and random meetings don’t provide the same intel advantages. Most of the time, you’re going in blind when it comes to figuring out Potentially Explosive Topics (PETs) and if you’re not careful, fielding those issues can get a little crazy.
3 Simple Tips for Navigating PET’s:
- Keep it Non-Judgmental. Asking something like “So, how do you feel about all the political changes in the past few months?” is a lot less offensive than loading up your artillery and saying, “I’m a democrat and couldn’t possibly date a republican, so are you on the right side of my fence?” Carnegie leads his book How To Win Friends and Influence People with the simple advice, “If you want to gather honey, don’t kick over the beehive.” So, be nice to that bee and keep the stinger sheathed.
- No Target Shooting. You aren’t Barbara Walters and a date isn’t your personal interview forum. The person sitting across from you wants to know more about you too, so aim more for information sharing and story telling than interrogation techniques.
- Stay Open Minded. If you find out that you are indeed sitting across the table from a W voting Republican while you sold your soul to get into Obama’s inauguration, simmer down. This is a person. Granted, someone who believes very differently from you, but still a person. Exploring their opinions and sharing your own can be interesting and engaging, but attacking each other’s differences isn’t going to do anything other than create another bad date story. No need for anymore of those unless you’re writing a book about it.
I know that it seems to be a case of “easier said than done,” but looking at someone as a person and possible friend (in spite of vast differences) can go a long way towards being able to understand their point of view. Just remember how you felt the last time you were attacked for your beliefs or went on a date with a Barbara Walters sound-alike… did it make you want to get to know them even better or run away screaming?
Henry Ford said it perfectly, “If there is any one secret of success,it lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from that person’s angle as well as from your own.”
