Since so many readers jumped on the comment bandwagon on my Facebook feed about the bad kisser post, I thought a follow-up post on what constitutes a “bad kiss” would be appropriate. In my opinion, in no particular order:
- Excess slobber. If a towel or spittoon are needed for clean up after a kiss… there’s not likely to be another.
- Belief in adage “the more tongue, the better.” Please know in advance: yes, I still have tonsils and my wisdom teeth have been removed…you really don’t need to double check. Thank you.
- The Mamma Bird/Baby Bird Technique: Please refrain from opening hatch and waiting for me to deposit something. I might be tempted to get a worm from the bait shop just to see if that’s what you’re looking for.
- Blood. Any blood drawn and you get sent back over to the Vampire Academy for more lessons.
- Back pats or dry, hard lip pecks — nothing says “kissing my brother” (unless we’re talking Hilary Swank) more than that kind of body language.
- No Kiss at all. If you’re trying to skip the kiss ala “Pretty Woman,” I won’t be giving you the green card to move along to the other activities at which you are so obviously aiming.
- Face licking. Ewwww. Not even my dog thinks face licking is cool.
- Weird clicking or popping sounds that make me think you might be trying to imitate Larvell Jones in the Police Academy movies.
- Bad breath or body odor. Yup, I’m one of the finicky people.
- Lizard Kissing. I’m not a huge reptile fan so, in my book, the kiss is over quicker the faster the flicker.
- Mashing. If I’m worried about tooth chips or losing the top 3 layers of skin to stubble, I’ll skip the call to my dentist and dermatologist by avoiding further opportunities with a masher.
- Sucker Fish Kissing. If I’m worried about having hickeys on my cheek the next day, you are so done.
- Passivity. If you are about as responsive as a pillow, I’ll send you to casting for the next young adult movie featuring the joys of abstinence.
- The Air Block. Please make sure I can continue to breathe.
I’d love to hear about what you think makes a kiss “bad” or “good” so please comment away! And note that yes, I know that kissing is a personal preference thing. This list contains my personal preferences and I understand that you could find all of the above totally sexy. (However, if you do, please refrain from asking me out.)
Kissing is an art and not all good kissers do it the same way. I cannot recall any real bad kisses as much as I can boring kisses. One thing I do remember not liking is someone who kissed well but then would stop and savor periodically, with her eyes closed. It was unsettling.
LOL
that would indeed be “unsettling.” Perhaps she was attempting to preserve the moment for the day she could say… “I remember when I kissed Kime before he was all famous and stuff.” Kind of like a lip-print autograph.
Passionate kissing is the most intimate act between 2 people. It tells you if you are hitting all the right notes and reveals potential chemistry.
Do you think there is anything equal to a kiss for learning about notes and chemistry?
omg i had the worst kiss on a bus. this dude was like using his teeth an all around my mouth was just WET. it was horrible lol
I’m not sure I even want to know how you ended up with a first kiss on a bus??? LOL
I got “smoked” twice by a guy while we were kissing. He sucked the air out of my mouth like he was smoking a cigarette and I had to pull back and take a minute to catch my breathe. I don’t like creepy crawly worm tongues or dog drool either. Gross!
I can say that I dated a guy who every time he kissed me sparks flew and we would kiss for hours like we were in high school. I still reminisce about those kisses till this day because they were the best I ever had. I had under estimated kissing and the high that I could derive from it until I had been truly ‘kissed’. It was like making love with our lips. lol
Everyone likes something different. I have never found that different women like the same technique. Everyone has something unique of their own in a kiss. The fun part is discovering their style.
Man you have to have the tongue action. I admit this is not the first thing I do but I need a women who likes some level of tongue kissing.