Handling Hurt Feelings

This may be a shocker for those of you who know me or have read this blog for a while, but sometimes its really easy for me to get my feelings hurt, especially when I’m feeling a bit over-exposed. Its like someone decides to sit beside me and “poke” “poke” at the uncovered nerves. Hate it!

So, being the productive human being that I am, I’ve thought through the things I do to try to slap down that nerve poking finger:

Slap Down Option #1: An opportunity to exercise my mental gymnastics in figuring out why that person would do something to make me feel yucky. Perhaps a 50/50 chance of getting rid of the poking finger since this one really only works for me when I can actually figure out something that clears both them and me of any wrong doing or ill intent. Otherwise, it makes for a long day of trying to mind read and second guessing. Typically a time waster. Blech

Slap Down Option #2: Taking a spin through my repertoire of bad words and internal epithets. This one works when there is definite wrong-doing involved and I can villain cast. The only problem…
 its not very productive… oh yeah, and I dislike being in a negative head space about someone (which calling them bad names almost always entrenches.) Come to think of it, slap down #2 usually makes me feel worse not better. So, never mind that one.

Slap Down Option #3: Figure out how to avoid feeling this way again anytime soon. This one usually involves some introspection and figuring out where I can shore up my inner workings and un-expose the nerves to get them safely under skin again. This one works about 90% of the time since I don’t have to rely on the other person having a good explanation and can fix the over-exposure to some extent. Also tends to decrease the opportunity for this kind of thing to hurt my feelings the next time.

Slap Down Option #4: Find a friend to talk me down off the wall and let me know if I really have something to be upset about. I have good friends for this. Thank God!

Slap Down Option #5: My last resort. Communication. Yes, I know I usually advocate for communication to be a first line reaction, but in these situations I know that more often than not, its my problem and not the other person’s. So, I am slow to expose even more nerves for possible poking. (I don’t necessarily recommend it being the last option, I’m just letting you know that its usually mine.) But if I have run through all the other options (minus #2), I’ll let the other person know that my feelings are hurt and see what they say.

An example of a situation that spins me through the process? I hate being ignored. I don’t need to be the center of attention, but I do prefer a timely response if I reach out and expose my feelings at all. There are all kinds of reasons for this that I won’t go into here (I’ve done my mental gymnastics around this issue already) but suffices to say, I really have to remind myself that its not all about me when I’m waiting for a return on a text, email or call after putting myself out there a bit. The only time it really gets easy for me is when I don’t care all that much about how the person replies. But the more I care, the more I hate having to talk myself down off that wall. Since I am otherwise a sane and reasonable female, I really don’t want to take on crazy girl attributes like demanding response times or going off the deep end when I don’t get what I want. So, I shore up the internal workings, at times call a friend to talk me down off the wall and get on with me day. Some days are easier than others. 

Anyone else have situations that you know that you know that you know will make you crazy or really hurt your feelings if you don’t do something productive with it?