Avoid the First Date Let Down

I’m realizing that the busier my schedule gets and the wiser I become in the ways of dating — online and otherwise — that long, drawn out bouts of emailing and calling without ever meeting can really create an interesting phenomenon. A house of cards built on a foundation of air.

Not only does your romantic stranger “know” more about you than you mother thanks to all those emails and wistful, late night calls… you don’t even know if any real potential exists with this person. That magic “C” word: chemistry. The person may not look like their photos or even remotely live up to the picture of charm, charisma and faux-love you have built up in your heart for this virtual stranger. They may not even smell right when it comes right down to it.

So what do you do when the build up just doesn’t match up? Continue on in hopes that they may start to smell right or slink away in shame and not a small bit of frustration that you have revealed so much of yourself to this person with whom you do not, in fact, have a future? Its a dilemma that many a dater has faced — whether its a blind date set up from a friend or an online potential. 

How about avoiding the build up trap and employing a few little tricks of the trade to cut to the chase:

1.  Try to meet more quickly and don’t drag out the back and forth. Everyone has a different comfort zone with this, but I would recommend meeting up before you hit the 3 week mark on correspondence. Thanks to my schedule and lack of free time to write long emails to virtual strangers, I usually go with a 1-2 week window if at all possible. But I have noticed that if the back and forth slides past that 3 week mark, the interest wanes and both parties tend to get a bit worn out. (In other words, the new shine wears off and by the time you meet its hard to spice it back up)
2. Don’t share anything with this person that you will regret confiding in a stranger. Yes, I know they seem charming and trustworthy, but if things go bad fast, that person is going to know a lot about you and that’s no bueno in a small town or the hands of a vengeful person. Transparency is good when combined with wisdom and knowing that the person you are confiding in is trustworthy.
3. Treat the first meeting like you would meeting a new FRIEND. Yes, dress up, be creative and pull out your interesting conversational topics, but don’t put an enormous amount of expectation in this first meeting. If you are your own best self and things don’t come up roses, then you may have gotten a new friend without the let down. And if things DO work out… well, what a nice, nice, nice surprise! Either way, its a win/win for you.
4. Taking the time to read body language and gauge interest will serve you well as you figure out if this is going to go beyond date #1. Don’t presume too much on what’s been said beforehand. He may have said you are the “perfect girl” or she may have told you that you make her “feel really happy” but that is all before you actually meet face to face and that first physical contact can change everything.
5. If you don’t end up liking the other person as much as they like you, be honest and stop the boat (many people end up in dead end relationships because they just went with the flow.) No need to be mean but something along the lines of… “I think you are great and really enjoyed talking about XYZ with you, but I’m just not feeling that spark/connection that makes a match for me. Thank you for taking the time to meet me though!” By keeping it simple, kind and direct, you come across as classy instead of a game player or someone who doesn’t know when to play it straight. Yup, it may sting but I’m of the rip the band-aid off school.

I’m sure to have missed some good tidbits that you have discovered along the way. What approach works best for you when building up to a first date?