If you’re known as a heart breaker, is it because you’re afraid to have your heart broken?
After breaking up with the majority or your relationships, you’ve seen a fair range of tears and anger, sighs and recriminations and my guess is… that you fear being on the receiving end of it. After all, you’ve seen what the pain of a broken heart can bring so why put yourself in the way of that steam roller?
The only problem with this mentality is that it means you always “play it safe.” It might be easy to hide behind reasons like being too picky or just not having met someone who could interest you long term. Or maybe you have some emotional scarring that keeps you from fully stepping up to the plate, preferring to play it safe in the batters box and look on the actual batters with distain, critique or hearty back slapping but know you’d rather it be them than you stepping into a place of possible failure.
Whatever the reasons, if you are a heartbreaker, it may be time to take a good, honest look at why you date people you don’t want to be with long term. Are you afraid to make eyes at the hot guy all the girls are swarming and take a risk of not being noticed? Perhaps feel like “SHE” would never go out with a guy like you so you’ll ask her friend out instead? Petrified of rejection?Or even worry that your friends or family won’t approve of the one you’ve got your heart set on so you date person after person and compare them to your dream? Or maybe you don’t even understand your own worth and end up dating drama queens or complete jerks and wonder why it keeps happening to you…
So many reasons to not take the time for reflection or risk the potential heart break, but like CS Lewis says,
“There is no safe investment. To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one…
But in that casket — safe, dark, motionless, airless — it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell…” (full quote)
So, as one who has done my fair share of the breaking… perhaps its time to take on the risk and follow my heart to it’s actual destination instead of playing it safe. At the very least, it’ll make for good blog material. *grin*
Kelli…you need to know Ella Wheeler Wilcox…and that right soon.
Love much. Earth has enough of bitter in it.
Cast sweets into its cup whene’er you can.
No heart so hard, but love at last may win it.
Love is the great primæval cause of man.
All hate is foreign to the first great plan.
Love much. Your heart will be led out to slaughter,
On altars built of envy and deciet.
Love on, love on! ‘tis bread upon the water;
It shall be cast in loaves yet at your feet,
Unleavened manna, most divinely sweet.
Love much. Your faith will be dethroned and shaken,
Your trust betrayed by many a fair, false lure.
Remount your faith, and let new trusts awaken.
Though clouds obscure them, yet the stars are pure;
Love is a vital force and must endure.
Love much. Men’s souls contract with cold suspicion;
Shine on them with warm love, and they expand.
‘Tis love, not creeds, that from a low condition
Leads mankind up to heights supreme and grand.
Oh that the world could see and understand!
Love much. There is no waste in freely giving;
More blessed is it, even, than to receive.
He who loves much alone finds life worth living:
Love on, through doubt and darkness; and believe
There is no thing which Love may not achieve.
-Ella Wheeler Wilcox
Beautiful quote Kelli!
Love the post, and love that poem in the comments. Lot of truth for those that tend toward shyness to think about. thanks Kelli
There is nothing wrong with, not seeing someone after the “perfect” period(90-days). If that is as far as sensitive people want to go, then so be it.