Email, Text and Phone Call Return Etiquette

I watched “He’s Just Not That Into You” last Friday. I know, you are all surprised. But there was one part of the movie where Drew Barrymore’s character goes into an awesome spin out moment typical to a frustrated single’s thought process. In a moment of complete exasperation she runs through all the possible ways you can miss each others calls, texts and messages only to be “rejected by 7 different forms of technology…”

This may seem very common sensical, but judging from the frustration I hear from my friends and readers (not to mention main stream movies), I decided to do a quick down and dirty on message return etiquette (for a longer communication post on all the ways to use technology to spice up your communication love life — click here) Keep in mind — these are just general rules of thumb and I know beyond knowing that yes, you just get busy or buried under a work project and all of us can afford to give people slack during those times. 

1. If s/he calls, call back. 24-48 hour return window. But know that the longer you wait, the more you are going to need an explanation/apology.
2. If s/he texts, text back. Same day return.
3. If s/he emails, email back. 36 hour return window. Try to match the length and tone of the email. If its an epistle and you don’t have time to write that much info, send a quick email reply and ask if s/he can give you a few days to write something or prefer to take the conversation to phone/coffee/etc.
4. If s/he leaves a message and does not indicate a better number or way to return the message, return it by the same number or email address it was given.
5. If you are unable to talk, either don’t pick up the phone or explain that you are limited by time, place, etc. and suggest a better time to talk.
6. If you are a text hater — its your responsibility to explain that you would prefer phone or email. If s/he doesn’t respect your preferences, THEN you can gripe about it and call it a deal breaker.

This all assumes you are interested in this person. If you want to keep the interest going, you must maintain the momentum. Nothing will stall a burgeoning romance like several days of unexplained silence.

If you aren’t interested, the guidelines still apply but if you decide to not abide by them, just know that you are sending the silent “I’m not into you” message and may be referred to as “that girl who never returns a call” or “that guy who dodges texts” or less flattering things that I won’t write here but contain unsavory words like dbag and b*tch. It might be better to just reply with a polite “not interested” message or be ok with the epithets.