You May Be In The “Friend Zone” If…

As a follow up to yesterday’s post about getting OUT of the friend zone, these are times when you want to stay IN the friend zone because, well, he/she’s just not that into you… If you relate to two or more of the following points, stop girding your loins to bring up the “I want to be more than friends” talk!

1. If your friend tells you they don’t think of you “that way,” then they don’t think of you that way. Its not an easy thing to say to someone you suspect likes you and to have to say it more than once just sucks. Rest assured, if they change their mind, they’ll likely let you know.
2. If you have ZERO physical indicators, its very likely you are dealing with someone who is NOT into you as anything more than a friend. Hugs, “accidental” brushes, pats, lingers, etc are all good signs. The absence of them is a VERY bad sign.
3. If your friend re-directs the conversation when you try to talk about how you feel about them… definite sign of stay away from that topic. If they liked you, they’d be psyched that you brought it up.
4. This one can be subtle and a bit tricky, but if a guy or girl starts treating you like a therapist for their relationship problems, they usually have you pretty firmly in the friend category. A guy who likes you wouldn’t want you to think of him as dysfunctional and a girl doesn’t want to be classified as “crazy.” But when they are amongst friends, they’ll open up about honest woes and questions. The reason I say its tricky, is that you need to look at the content of what they share… if its mostly good stuff and wondering why a girl/guy doesn’t respond in kind, then they are letting you know they are a “good” guy or girl and its a possible indicator that you are not quite just a friend in their mind. Also, if they start thinking romantically about you… the topic will gradually change to start portraying themselves in a better light — so it can shift.
5. If they go in and out of relationships but “drop” you as a friend when they are involved with someone else. Not only is this person not a good “friend,” its HIGHLY likely that they are using you to fill in the gap for attention and strokes from someone of the opposite sex. Like a surrogate relationship with none of the “perks.”
6. They don’t seek out time with you alone. Yes, they may flirt with you in groups or get into “great conversations” every once in a while, but if they have made no attempt to corral you alone, you are very firmly a “friend.” Double this if the group invites don’t originate with this “friend” but come from another person in the group. If you are always the initiator of contact, triple it. You are a friend, friend, FRIEND! (if you want to call them that)
7. If they are usually doing something else when talking to you… ie, washing dishes, emailing, checking their phone, watching the game, scanning the room, etc. You are a friend. Yes, in marriage and LTRs, this happens more often since you (hopefully) are friends as well as lovers, but if the majority of your interactions involve little to no “full attention” interactions, you are a friend. The only time to ignore this point… if your interest has ADD, ADHD or some sort of wiring challenge that keeps their mind from settling into focus.
8. If they ask you to set them up with one of your friends. You are most definitely a friend only. Even the game players know better than to risk messing up the friend pool to make someone jealous.
9. There is no personal grooming when they know they’ll be seeing you. Not EVER a good sign unless they are in the hospital and sliding in and out of consciousness. I was in the hospital for something serious once and knew my “friend/crush” was coming to visit me. You’d better believe I got up, shuffled to the bathroom and attempted to straighten myself up a bit and brush my teeth. It hurt, but I did it. And I’m not a particularly vain girl.
10. Listen to your gut. Do you know that you know that you know they really aren’t interested? Pay attention. Your “gut” has likely been reading the body language and vibe all along and trying to get through to your thick head that there is no interest!

I hope I haven’t ruined your day, but I thought I would save a few of you from embarrassment especially leading up to the dreaded V-Day season. Good Luck and if you have some more indicators to share, please do since I know I haven’t hit them all!