Question for the Day: With the advent of social media making our announcements for us (birth, break ups, engagements, weddings, new jobs, etc.), what are the etiquette rules for when to change your “relationship status?”
Do you have to talk about it… “Jules, I changed my Facebook AND Myspace status to “in a relationship” you’d better change yours and don’t you dare put “it’s complicated.” Or do you just sit on it and never change “single” until you are actually “married?” Or perhaps… somewhere in between?
If your relationship reminds you of Katy Perry’s bi-polar anthem “you’re hot then you’re cold, you’re yes then you’re no, you’re in and you’re out, you’re up and you’re down, you’re wrong when its right, It’s black and it’s white. We fight, we break up. We kiss, we make up…” do you just maintain a non-status until you’ve been actually broken up for a certain period of time or embrace your inner drama-mamma and post the changes as they happen?
Do you race to inform your inner circle first or let them see it along with everyone else? If you break up with someone, do you wait 24 minutes or 24 hours before you change back to single? Or perhaps wait for the other person to change it — kind of like a high noon shoot out to see who pulls the trigger first.
I’ve had people use the ‘ole status change on me to announce their intentions and I have to admit, its never gone over well. I’m a fan of communicating about any relationship intentions, D.T.R. (define the relationship discussion) or “status” change before its actually delivered to the social media world to devour and comment on. Otherwise, it feels manipulative or coercive.
Of course, there are days when I want to change it just for giggles. I’m resisting that impulse today.
So, what are your preferences for the “status change?”
4 Comments
January 16, 2009 at 5:48 pm
I’m 40 years old. Grew up before their was “social media”. Grew up when men acted (or were supposed to act) like men.
If you’re a man, the only acceptable answer is that any social media change in status should only be made AFTER you have had that conversation with your significant other.
You don’t have necessarily have to tell them explicitly, “Hey, I’m going to change my FB status back to single.” But before you do, make 100% sure that your SO knows that you are now single.
Surprising her in this way is classless and very not manly.
January 16, 2009 at 10:02 pm
You’re writing on topics that are easy to comment on, so I will chime in again. I will try and be brief.
Change of status on social networks such as facebook are comparable to news conferences.
I’m one taking the side that there needs to be a discussion of mutuality that a relationship does actually exist before announcing to the social networking world such is the case. Otherwise, its major egg on the face embarassment in having to explain such declarations are not true or valid. Your credibility will also take a hit as well.
On the other hand, you could do what a friend of mine did last year and put engaged in your change of status on April 1st. My friend actually caught a few taking the bait.
I would agree with the previous post. Using the change of status to break off a relationship without an actual face to face discusssion is a cold and calculated act exhibiting a lack of character and integrity regardless of gender.
January 22, 2009 at 1:41 pm
Thanks guys! I’m in complete agreement with you and can’t imagine why someone would let a social media tool communicate for them if they desire to have any kind of positive regard from either the other person or your social circle.
December 30, 2009 at 11:42 am
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