For all of you online daters out there, you know there are certain… ummm… limitations to the process.
First would be the “truth factor” — is that “current” picture from this year or just this decade? Is this hot girl really some fat hairy guy (no offense to the non-scamming fat hairy guys) posing as a super babe in order to pull my chivalrous self into some sort of masterminded scam by convincing me that I get to go out with her in exchange for some “favors” I do for her in the interim? Is he/she really single or just trying to get some side action? You know… things that are usually easy to figure out within social circles or “real” life but not always obvious on-line.
Then we have the “Three R factor” — reading, riting and rithmatic. Is the scary spelling and you suspect it might not be English grammar indicative of a severe learning disorder, English as a second language, sheer laziness or an indication that the education level indicated is patently false? Even if you don’t care, trying to decipher some of the “text speak” that comes through in emails and profiles can be daunting. “Wht r u dng 2nite? Hk up l8r? i lv tues 4 nj 4 wk n hf.”
There are all sorts of pitfalls and snafus encountered in the on-line dating process without the actual site contributing to the process. I was thinking about this as I was deleting some “matches” due to incompatibility the other day and would like to respectfully submit some alternative phrasings to Eharmony’s “closing” section.
**Disclaimer: The following content contains humor in the form of sarcasm, un-PC verbiage and irony which some may find unsuitable for daily consumption. Read at your own risk and remember that views expressed below are not necessarily supported by the author when she isn’t being snarky for public consumption. Also, your laptop might be hot. Please be careful when commenting your suggestions.**
“I have decided to close communication because…”
(choose as many as apply)
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EXCUSES NOT OFFERED BY EH… YET: The information on your profile is: (a) too little (b) too much (c) boring (d) fake I forwarded your profile to my friend and she said that in person you look NOTHING like your picture. AND you have B.O. The fact that you have dead creatures in every profile picture leads me to believe you live in a deer stand. I prefer plumbing and wifi access to cooking up your carcases. 2 children is do-able. 9 is not. The hot bimbettes hanging on you in every profile picture lead me to believe you wouldn’t know a real boob if it hit you in the face. The fact that your picture is literally the size of my thumbnail and grainy to boot, leads me to believe that it may be from the pre-digital camera age and not exactly representative of your current look. |
It makes one consider how all this worked BEFORE online dating. What did we humans do when we couldn’t just select a bubble about our reason to reject someone? Were people more honest, direct, and courageous — or was there simply another indirect way to let someone down easily? Have we lost our ability to use our own word (not eHarmony’s) to say what we want to say? Is our culture moving so fast that we don’t have time to write a nice note, only time to click a “Rejection Reason Bubble”? It makes one wonder …
Hummm… Michael, you and Dr. Jenn have a similar abhorrence it seems to the pre-configured rejection. I think you may be right in that our culture is moving too fast to slow down and take a human moment most of the time. Sad but I suppose it goes a bit with the medium… after all, face to face, we take longer with the meeting, with the talking AND with the rejecting.
Here’s one more excuse not offered by eHarmony, but probably should be…
I really can’t tell by your pictures if you are a man or a woman… and gender identification is a distinction that I need to have …
LMAO… thank you for making me almost spit tea onto my lunch companion Kevin.
Hey everyone, greetings from Australia. This is a helpful site. Does anyone have any advice on staying out of the friend zone with girls? Honestly I’m sick of women telling me they just want to be friends. Perhaps I’m being too much of a nice guy?
I’ve written a bit on it before, but if there is one piece of advice I have to offer it’s this: Don’t be passive.
Staying out of the friend zone
or this one on figuring out if you’re in the friend zone to stay
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