I’m reading another dating book. This one is good. “How to Find a Date Worth Keeping” by Henry Cloud. It came out many years ago and I read it when it was a hot bestseller flying off the shelves, but because of some recent events, I decided to give it another read. I am so glad I did.
One of the chapters talks about creating your own support group to help you navigate the dating mine field and give them permission to speak truth into your life. You are responsible for not only hearing their truth… but also giving them permission to “tie you to a tree” if they see you about to walk back into unhealthy patterns and relationships.
Good advice.
I’m sure, if you’ve read many of my posts on this blog, you are starting to understand how much I think dating involves community. The people around you help shape and support not only your experience but your expectations, actions and decisions. If you have friends telling you to make it work at all costs because they think he is so great — its easy to listen to that and discount the fact that you haven’t shared with them some crucial elements of your relationship like him cheating on you or being critical when you are alone or lying about stupid things or… well, you get my drift.
And many of my guy friends say its hard to be completely honest with their “go to” guys because of needing to be seen as having it all together and not needing help. I know it might be daunting to think about asking for help, but its a great time to do so if you see that you keep walking back into the same situation over and over. Same actions, different girl.
Most of us have “my people” in life. The ones you call when you have good news or know you are starting to have feelings for someone, but I think Cloud has a good idea with creating a deliberate support group who will not only help you make GOOD decisions but who know the WHOLE story and have no agenda other than loving and supporting you well. So, is your “go to” group the right support system for you or do you need to find some new people who you trust enough to “tie you to a tree?”
thats sweet…
Heh. I have a family member who briefly started dating her ex-husband. As in, the guy SHE DIVORCED.
Several of us who knew her later admitted to her that we had plans to, you know, chloroform her, toss her in the back of a van, and have her deprogrammed if things got dicey. Luckily, she ultimately had an, “Oh right. He’s an a-hole! Right, right, of course,” moment on her own.
LOL… its always good when the “aha moment” is self generated.
Only once have I been a member of an on again-off again and when I *finally* stepped away from the kool-aide I could swear it was an alien inhabiting my body.
An alien with a weird predilection for poisoned Kool-Aide. My friends and family had all been awaiting the “aha” and when they were convinced that it finally had arrived, there was much merriment and rejoicing. Hence, my giving them permission to “tie me to a tree” if they ever see a slip coming on (and hoping they don’t need to use said permission. ever!)
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