Love Languages

Dr. Gary Chapman published a book years ago about a concept he calls “Love Languages.” Since it’s emergence onto the market, I’ve read this book time and time again and each time am reminded not only about what is important to me but also how to better love someone in my life.

Here’s the basic premise, in case you haven’t read the book:

There are 5 Love Languages of which all people have various combinations in how they interpret and receive love.

1. Words of Affirmation

2. Quality Time

3. Receiving Gifts

4. Acts of Service

5. Physical Touch

Each person tends to have a primary Love Language and a possible Secondary Language. We tend to give love in the way we like to receive it but when we run into someone with a different love language, we may need to learn how to best express love to that person. Example…you are a Quality Time person and they are an Acts of Service person…you can plan something around helping out with a home project TOGETHER. That way — both of you would be getting your tank filled by your love language.

I read this book for the first time when I was in college and distinctly remember thinking “I am in trouble. My top two languages are physical touch and words of affirmation.” I was smart enough at the time to see that every guy wanting a little action would use those two languages as their first offensive strike. But I’ll tell you this…you can try to out-think it all you want — when someone speaks your love language, you feel loved. Thankfully, I’ve done a lot of work around being a healthy partner, date, friend or family member and have finally learned that the secret is in being whole enough to look beyond my own wounds to make sure the other person is coming with the right motivations. Thank God for older and wiser!

The funny thing about my love languages currently… the Words of Affirmation are still head and shoulders about the rest, but physical touch, QT and service are all equal to each other and for some reason Gifts registers not at all. Perhaps love languages shift with the phases of life and it’s important to keep taking the pulse of your relationship to make sure that you are both filling each other’s love quota for the day.

Anyway, thoughts for a sunny Friday in Austin Texas… I’m heading out for some QT with my dog…I think thats his love language.