Married to the Media: Commentary on a Political Union

 A thought provoking journey down a political spouse’s “To Do” list…

1. Buy more hair shellack for tonight’s outdoor fundraiser. That “fly away” incident of ’06 can NOT be repeated. Aqua Net and windex will work in a pinch.

2. Remember to bring my cue cards about how we did NOT meet when I was giving him that lap dance but,  in fact, our mother’s knew each other in grade school and made a pact that their first children would fall in love. Don’t answer to the name “Candy.”

3. Am I supposed to put the family photos on display or the actual kids?

4. That blog I’m writing about my “cheating husband” can’t really be traced back to me can it? Have tech guy check into it. Is he on the “personal” payroll?

5. Did mom remember to retrieve dad from the Canadian hippy commune in time to get him a hair cut, shave, a new personal history and political views in time for the debate tomorrow? Check on that this afternoon.

6. Get new drapes for bedroom. Last leaked pictures didn’t show enough details to really get attention.

7. Get a dress designed close enough to one from the Gap that I can claim that I bought it there but that will make me look non-lumpish on camera.

8. Adopt a winning football team to support for the fall season.

9.  Just remember, taxes good, freedom of speech baaaaad.

10. Notify former boss that my return to work is based on outcome of November election. Should I put that in the actual resignation letter?

11. If I say something “wrong” just remember that according to our agreement I get 5 free passes before I die tragically in a plane crash. Don’t say anything “wrong.”

12. Make appointment with “Life Coach” about how to handle my history of prescription medication abuse when talking to the media. They might be able to tell if I forgot to take my Vicodin. 

13. Have the boys take care of my boyfriend from college who is holding onto our naked pictures for posterity’s sake.

14. I love my husband. I love my husband. I love my husband.

15. Check into “spa packages” for late November. Need to refresh face lift.