Have you ever wondered what it means that he asked you out for a Tuesday instead of Friday night dinner?
Here’s your first/second and third date translation key based completely on my own opinion, with no research verification aside from friend’s comments and overheard bar conversation (please weigh in with your own opinions):
Sunday Day: I’m chilled, relaxed and ready to meet someone out for an easy coffee date. Not a weekend night per-se but more than a weekday. If this is a second or third date… you haven’t really rocked their socks off but they are giving it a second/third chance.
Sunday Night: I had too many fun things/other dates over the weekend but I can’t really afford to push meeting you out too much longer so I’ll go for an early curfew, mellow dinner/coffee out. If it’s lame — its an easy bail.
Monday: I really don’t think this is going to go anywhere, but it’s the beginning of the week and my weekend really sucked. I might cancel just on general principle.
Tuesday: Neutral night for dinner or coffee. Since the work week is just starting to get rolling, energy levels are still likely to be perky and you are ready for someone to surprise you. If this is a second or third date — you are either dealing with someone so anxious to see you again, they fit in the first available… really busy schedules with lots of scheduling conflicts or someone who is marginally interested but not yet ready to take you out in “public.”
Wednesday: Not to be confused with hump day. This is also a neutral night. Take it or leave it, it could go either way. See the comments on Tuesday Night.
Thursday: Not quite the weekend but more “loaded” than any of the other week nights. Your date is likely to be up for a bit more than chillaxin’ on this date. Drinks are flowing and dinner is likely to last a little longer than it might on another night. This is a good night for date 1, 2 or 3. There’s a good chance that the asker likes you and hopes you like them too.
Friday: Surprisingly, this isn’t the best night of the week to be asked out. Depending on how your date rolls, this one could end up with complete drunkenness, a dinner cut short or a late cancel due to work stress and exhaustion. Schedule with caution here and if you are making the plans, try for something a little out of the ordinary to entice what could be a tired date to come out despite just wanting to curl up with a good movie at home.
Saturday Day: A good any date placement. It gives you time to get to know each other on a non-week day and still have the relaxing and fun vibe that a weekend brings. This also signals on a second and third date that the person wants to get to know you apart from “night-time” activities. A good sign that they plan to build a friendship along with the relationship.
Saturday Night: The pinnacle of date status. If you get offered a Saturday night FIRST date, you are at the top of the “must meet” list and that person thinks you might really hit it off. Either that or they really think they might get laid. (Do you have a reputation for first date nooky? Anyway…) Not many single folks are willing to “sacrifice” a Saturday night to a mediocre or bad date. If you’ve got game, bring it.
The Exceptions to the general translation key:
- If you are dealing with anyone who works from home, runs a business, works retail or has an otherwise non 9 to 5 schedule… they may not even register what night of the week or weekend it is since there is no set “weekend” in their world. The Saturday evening definition may still apply, but my advice would be to take it all with a grain of salt and read my body language post for better (and documented) translation of the situation.
- If you both have ridiculous travel schedules, just be glad to find a night when you are both in town. Try not to read too much into what night of the week it lands on, just be ready to shuck off travel-weariness and have fun!
- Are you non-conformists? Ignore the above translations. He/she might just ask you out on a Monday to buck the system. But you are probably not even reading by this point because you figured out pretty quickly that this post was aimed for mainstream American daters.
- If either of you have kids. The babysitter availability or non-custody nights will determine when you can make a break for it and get together.
- If you are being asked out for a particular event, scrap the significance of the actual night on which the event takes place. At this point, I am assuming you’ve talked about something you both happen to like and decided to take advantage of that commonality. SMART dating move.
I always assumed that if they asked me out for a Tuesday it was something special. That’s an evening where most people wouldn’t expect to have a good deal of alcohol and, in turn, no lowered inhibitions and no reasonable expectation of sex.
Just showing up means you get a gold star! It is also a good night, if things go well, to talk all night. By Wednesday, at work, the fires from Monday have been put out and the push for Friday hasn’t begun. It’s a great day to come in tired from talking, flirting and…oh yeah…kissin’!
Heck…I think any night is a great night to be asked out. Why question the gift of a piece of a person’s life? I say enjoy your time with them and don’t question their motivations.
awww pish — you are also a non 9-5 guy (see point 1). LOL
The #3 exception was for me, back when I was single. (I’m happily married now, so something must have worked.) It can be more romantic if you avoid the cliched Friday or Saturday night dates and hit mid-week instead, or even Monday. Two reasons: it’s easier to get a table, and it shows you can’t wait until the weekend to see her again. Now, unless you’re some sicko stalker, she’ll appreciate the extra attention.
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Pretty much all the guys I’ve dated who have asked me out on a Tues – Thurs date have been interested in long term relationships. I really have found that weekend dates (and my male friends seem to live by this rule) tend to be geared more towards girls that they would like to sleep with really quickly, or established girlfriends that they just don’t go anywhere without.
Thanks for your insights! Curious — what city do you live in? I’m wondering if this is at all affected by local dating customs.
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You’re over thinking this (entertaining though)
Try looking at it from his perspective.
He’s either:
1. Bored and just looking for something to do and isn’t that into you
2. Wants to get you into bed as soon as possible but nothing more than that
3. Interested in really getting to know you
4. Undecided
Don’t play the “What does he really mean…” game. Most guys aren’t that complicated. That’s projecting a woman’s world view on a man’s decision making process. Much like projecting a Western world view on Middle East politics – you’re going to crash and burn with your foreign policy.
You are full of the projecting snipers today Jason! Has someone’s projecting gotten under your skin recently?
As for the over thinking… check out my reason for writing the post in the first place… I completely agree
http://datingandmatinginamerica.com/2009/12/30/top_10_2009/
It’s just that the majority of dating issues I hear about are people trying to interpret actions from their own perspective. This is typical in the early stages of a relationship or when one party is completely clueless about the opposite sex. Women talk to other single women who are usually just as clueless as they are – guys do the same thing. If you have a question about what’s going on with someone’s behavior, and you don’t have the guts to ask them directly, talk to somebody who is married. Married people have perspective – something largely missing in the single population.
i’m a bit peaved at jason (above) when he infers that single people lack perspective. yep…that’s right, i’m single. it’s a difficult dating world out there, and sometimes when i’m venting about my dating experiences, i just want someone to commiserate with me — not necessarily looking for answers.
me too
(there are a lot of us single folk out there)
I am just curious… So when asked out for a Sunday date and meaning that you are the last priority… if it was a 3rd date…it is safe to say that there will be no more? So why even bother?
I guess it depends on how much you’re interested in your date.
Not at all? Then I wouldn’t bother.
Some interest — well , depending on my mood I might give it another go.
A lot of interest? Then I would take the opportunity to turn the date from something potentially bland and lifeless to something more interesting or even an outing you’d actually enjoy. That way you have fun and perhaps throw your date a curve ball. Enjoy batting practice — suggest a trip to the local cages instead of another boring coffee. Love sing-along movies — throw out the idea to go to the local theater that’s hosting a Journey tribute complete with Journey videos and local band. Make it fun and interesting and maybe… you might turn a Sunday date into a Saturday date the next weekend.
Hi there, Kelli
The plot well setup, and the translation well conveyed
yet what I wonder is whether this is a real life “ask out” or a just a hypothetical one? C’os there’s actually no need to be prejudiced over what it might mean, simply go for it and learn it for yourself rather than have !? marks in your head, unless you’re studying the nature of men, mainstream American daters, under such circumstances!
Were I the asker, I wouldn’t even wait to ask you out the very next day!
Regards
Alper
LOL — well thank you Alper. I’m not sure my boyfriend would approve of me accepting if you asked the very next day — but I’ll ask him and let you know what he says
And yes, you caught me — this post was really something more along the hypotheticals and I still get the giggles when replying to comments because there are elements of truth in the above stated opinions — but really, too many exceptions to make anything a “rule.”
elements of truth, that’s fair enough
though I went by my instinct, as a scorpion, my horoscope, in the reply…yet may it be far away from me to be a nuisance between you and your bf, and I’d say that he is a lucky… you the the rest 
take care,
warm regards
oops, sory, you know the rest
:)
Ya know,I will have to disagree. IF anyone was willing to make time for me and willing to consider me as a priority, then it does not matter if it’s a weekday or a weekend. When someone is taking time for me, even when I am busy, I make time.
Moral of the story: Make time to get time…
We ALL need to learn how to make time to get time — you are absolutely correct!