Monthly Archives: September 2008

S/He’s a Keeper

Posted on September 30, 2008 | 3 Comments

“Keeper:” A guy or girl who you consider worth holding onto. The opposite of a Limper.

How do you know when you have a keeper on your hands? Some singles may feel sufficiently baggage free to scoff at the notion of NOT knowing you have a keeper on hand, but for the rest of baggage handling humanity…here are some things to grab and hold onto:

  • S/he has managed to reduce their “baggage” to a carry on or less size. As long as they can wheel it along and don’t need too much help managing their “baggage” then you have a good one. (this generally means that they have taken the time needed to own their own issues and at least recognize them if not actively work on correcting said issues)
  • They love you. Consistently. The person who understands that you can choose to love someone even on the days you don’t “feel” like it is definitely a keeper.
  • You do the same for them.
  • Your views on faith, family and finances line up like the proverbial ducks in a row. 
  • You share laughter as well as tears. If you are both willing to be vulnerable with the other, that generally indicates that you feel safe with each other.
  • No one is pedestal sitting. Respect, yes. Worship, no.
  • You can take the good with the bad and you still think you’re a pretty lucky person to have found the other. (If you think their nose picking is even cute…God help you… you’re one seriously smitten kitten)
  • They are grateful for what you do and who you are.
  • When you argue — you do it with respect and love. Disagreements = inevitable. Talking it out and dealing with it even if you get angry = GOOD! Yelling, throwing, insults and hitting = *hear loud bad buzzer sound for wrong answer* 
  • They notice things that you want/need/long for and step up to the plate. An example… you are slammed at work or with the kids, he notices that the disposal is broken and fixes it (or calls “the guy”) without making it a big deal… Or she notices that you really NEED that 30 minutes or an hour to decompress after a long day and gracefully gives it to you… keepers.
  • Smack talking is not a part of your or their vocabulary. Yes, processing is a good thing but if you turn it into bitch sessions about the other person… its not a little red flag, its a pretty big one.
  • S/he has found a stride in life where they feel like a complete person on their own. They don’t need you to complete the picture… but they sure want you to join in the journey as more than a sherpa!
  • They communicate with you (even the not so easy stuff to hear.) And they do it with love and gentleness. Example: They tell you that public nose picking is not socially acceptable behavior over the age of 2.
  • You are friends and you would be even if you weren’t romantically involved.
  • S/he has friends who have stuck by them for a long while. Even if its only 1 or 2 friends… its a good thing to see that your partner invests in long-term friendships.
  • The butterflies have subsided from Cirque Du Soleil worthy acrobatics to lazy loops and you still feel special when you are with the other person.
  • Your friends and family actually seem to like having this other person in your life (“especially when she can gracefully go with the flow in dealing with younger, idiotic brothers” qotd from male friend)
  • They support and believe in you and your dreams.
  • You like as well as love each other.

No one person may have all of these qualities… but having several qualities like the ones listed above often indicates that you really do have one worth holding onto. Now, go and make it work (as Tim Gunn likes to say.)

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Posted in Advice for Girls, Advice for Guys, Breaking up, Dating, Finding a Date, Humor, Relationship Advice

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Bail Out Johnny Bail Out! You’re on the Titanic!

Posted on September 29, 2008 | Leave a comment

Being the daughter of an economic guru and a sailing fool, I don’t think I can pass up a day like today without drawing a corollary between my parent’s world and mine. Have you ever been in a relationship where the “stock” was taking a nose dive and you became paralyzed with indecision? Or didn’t realize you were on the Titanic until it was too late? 

Your friends say let the bubble burst, get out the life boat and let us help you deal with the fall out. Her friends say lets build a bail out plan and re-elect a new captain in a few months that you can transfer your problems onto. Your therapist says, How do you feel about that? And you just sit on the bow of the boat and watch it sink down to the bottom of the sea…

Every relationship is different and the iceberg that your ship crashed upon may be complicated enough to justify your bailing indecision. But one or two things to notice as you wait for the water to swallow you…

1. Are you waffling back and forth on wondering if you are sailing to the right coordinates with your partner? You don’t want to end up on the ocean floor, so do what it takes to unfreeze yourself and make the right decision for you. Even if it means pain or facing your fears or dealing with your negative and unhealthy relationship patterns.  I know that I learned this one in spades from one of my dating relationships in LA. He even compared our relationship to the Titanic! (You don’t want to know what my reply to that was…I had to apologize for it later. That sucked.) But it made me take a good, hard look at what was going on before I decided that I deserved better, to sell my stocks and bail out. It was painful and I thought I would never recover from the loss, but I did and I was right. I do deserve better and so did he. We were selling each other short.

2. Have you been riding high on an ever increasing bubble of wonderfulness? No questions, no discussions, no arguments, no day-to-day reality intruding on your bliss? You are either on your honeymoon after dealing with all of that stuff while planning the wedding or you are about to hear the sound of a popping bubble. If you let yourself be seduced by magical thinking, you are going to be in for one nasty surprise when you run into an iceberg. No one is perfect — not you. Not me. Not him. (Well, Jesus is perfect, but that is another story and he never had to date anyone. I’m just sayin!…) The quest here isn’t to find an iceberg to impale your relationship on — but to open your eyes and see where the possible icebergs are. Find out if you love this person even with their imperfections and leave the bubble riding to tech ships.

3. Do you even care that the ship is running amuck? Do you actually prefer iceburg bumper boats since it seems much more exciting that way? Well, there isn’t much I can say to that. You may want to check in with your partner and make sure they are ok with all the chaos and emergency hull repairs (since they are likely the ones running around hole patching). If they are looking pale, tired and have gained or lost a considerable amount of weight since knowing you — you may want to consider that this boat isn’t built strongly enough to withstand all of your shenanigans. Go find a tanker and proceed to sail the gulf in hurricane season. The rest of the world might prefer you isolate your chaos to the sturdy few who can handle it.

4. Are you in relationship with someone who seems to like steering the ship towards the icebergs and then swerving at the last minute? Things like saying something nasty about your booty and then saying “I was only kidding!” or unjustly defaming your family and then accusing you of not being able to hear the truth. Or how about the ones who cheat and hope you don’t find out but when you do, they apologize and swear to never do it again while refusing to let you see their phone contacts or calendar. There are any number of actions, from big to small, that actually plant red flags on top of the iceberg and wave them madly trying to get your attention. Ignore these at your own peril since there isn’t always a bail out plan in place to catch you when your ship goes belly up.

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Posted in Breaking up, Culture, Dating, Relationship Advice

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Married to the Media: Commentary on a Political Union

Posted on September 26, 2008 | 2 Comments

 A thought provoking journey down a political spouse’s “To Do” list…

1. Buy more hair shellack for tonight’s outdoor fundraiser. That “fly away” incident of ’06 can NOT be repeated. Aqua Net and windex will work in a pinch.

2. Remember to bring my cue cards about how we did NOT meet when I was giving him that lap dance but,  in fact, our mother’s knew each other in grade school and made a pact that their first children would fall in love. Don’t answer to the name “Candy.”

3. Am I supposed to put the family photos on display or the actual kids?

4. That blog I’m writing about my “cheating husband” can’t really be traced back to me can it? Have tech guy check into it. Is he on the “personal” payroll?

5. Did mom remember to retrieve dad from the Canadian hippy commune in time to get him a hair cut, shave, a new personal history and political views in time for the debate tomorrow? Check on that this afternoon.

6. Get new drapes for bedroom. Last leaked pictures didn’t show enough details to really get attention.

7. Get a dress designed close enough to one from the Gap that I can claim that I bought it there but that will make me look non-lumpish on camera.

8. Adopt a winning football team to support for the fall season.

9.  Just remember, taxes good, freedom of speech baaaaad.

10. Notify former boss that my return to work is based on outcome of November election. Should I put that in the actual resignation letter?

11. If I say something “wrong” just remember that according to our agreement I get 5 free passes before I die tragically in a plane crash. Don’t say anything “wrong.”

12. Make appointment with “Life Coach” about how to handle my history of prescription medication abuse when talking to the media. They might be able to tell if I forgot to take my Vicodin. 

13. Have the boys take care of my boyfriend from college who is holding onto our naked pictures for posterity’s sake.

14. I love my husband. I love my husband. I love my husband.

15. Check into “spa packages” for late November. Need to refresh face lift.

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Posted in Culture, Humor

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Yes, I am sarcastic by nature. If you are easily offended, you shouldn’t be reading my blog.

Posted on September 25, 2008 | 1 Comment

WordPress has this nifty feature where you can see how people are finding your blog. Sometimes just the search patterns make me giggle and at other times, give me ideas for new articles. But today, I thought I would share my sarcastic side with you readers just for a little fun and if you like it, I’ll directly answer search questions again in the future.

Direct Answers to your search inquiries…

 

 

 Kellidecidestoilluminatehumoroussideandmakeyoulaugh

catch him and keep him

a good idea if you find a good guy, but throw the smelly ones back in the ocean 

what does it mean when he

 how about asking him?

how to respond to online dating message

 start typing

what do experts think about lust

 it makes babies

what is night mating

horizontal mambo? 

dating, circle of friends

 you could make a sitcom out of it! Oh wait…that’s how Anniston became famous

can men smell desperation

 yes.

he responds doesn’t initiate dating

 ”He’s Just Not That Into You.”

process paragraph on finding a mate

 see power point spread sheet at next corporate lunch meeting or talk to your life coach to create a comprehensive “mating mission statement.”

is it ok to email a man your interested in

 yes.

how to read profile pictures

 I would suggest looking at them first
   

 

 

body language talking to his friends

 

 

 Kellidecidestoilluminatehumoroussideandmakeyoulaugh

 if you aren’t flirting with them, you should be ok. If they are flirting with you, you may soon be the source of some interesting drama

hugging body language

 even body language needs a hug sometimes

saying something special to person you l

 well, if you only “L” them, I would suggest something along the lines of “you are spec to me” or “I think you are super ho…!”

dating assistant man and woman in london

 hummm… if you are the boss — not such a good idea. If they are your boss, you need to find a better job.

italian friends dating matrimonial club

 see “Moms For Matrimony.”

he responds to email dating

 this is a good start

how to write the second email dating

 again, typing is a good beginning

average time for dating in america

 longer than most Hollywood marriages

my dating standards list

 you know that Santa knows if you’ve been naughty or nice. List accordingly.

body language + dating + hug

 side hug = friends

full frontal = very good friends 

full frontal with rubbing and hair smelling = why aren’t you kissing by now?

how many dates constitutes a relationship

 3.

(ummm… no really, how about individual for everyone?!)

body language back patting hug

 you just got thrown back into the ocean

 

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Posted in Dating, Humor

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What Does It Mean That He Asked Me Out For A Weekday Night?

Posted on September 24, 2008 | 20 Comments

Have you ever wondered what it means that he asked you out for a Tuesday instead of Friday night dinner?

Here’s your first/second and third date translation key based completely on my own opinion, with no research verification aside from friend’s comments and overheard bar conversation (please weigh in with your own opinions):

Sunday Day: I’m chilled, relaxed and ready to meet someone out for an easy coffee date. Not a weekend night per-se but more than a weekday. If this is a second or third date… you haven’t really rocked their socks off but they are giving it a second/third chance.

Sunday Night: I had too many fun things/other dates over the weekend but I can’t really afford to push meeting you out too much longer so I’ll go for an early curfew, mellow dinner/coffee out. If it’s lame — its an easy bail.

Monday: I really don’t think this is going to go anywhere, but it’s the beginning of the week and my weekend really sucked. I might cancel just on general principle.

Tuesday: Neutral night for dinner or coffee. Since the work week is just starting to get rolling, energy levels are still likely to be perky and you are ready for someone to surprise you. If this is a second or third date — you are either dealing with someone so anxious to see you again, they fit in the first available… really busy schedules with lots of scheduling conflicts or someone who is marginally interested but not yet ready to take you out in “public.”

Wednesday: Not to be confused with hump day. This is also a neutral night. Take it or leave it, it could go either way. See the comments on Tuesday Night.

Thursday: Not quite the weekend but more “loaded” than any of the other week nights. Your date is likely to be up for a bit more than chillaxin’ on this date. Drinks are flowing and dinner is likely to last a little longer than it might on another night. This is a good night for date 1, 2 or 3. There’s a good chance that the asker likes you and hopes you like them too.

Friday: Surprisingly, this isn’t the best night of the week to be asked out. Depending on how your date rolls, this one could end up with complete drunkenness, a dinner cut short or a late cancel due to work stress and  exhaustion. Schedule with caution here and if you are making the plans, try for something a little out of the ordinary to entice what could be a tired date to come out despite just wanting to curl up with a good movie at home.

Saturday Day: A good any date placement. It gives you time to get to know each other on a non-week day and still have the relaxing and fun vibe that a weekend brings. This also signals on a second and third date that the person wants to get to know you apart from “night-time” activities. A good sign that they plan to build a friendship along with the relationship.

Saturday Night: The pinnacle of date status. If you get offered a Saturday night FIRST date, you are at the top of the “must meet” list and that person thinks you might really hit it off. Either that or they really think they might get laid. (Do you have a reputation for first date nooky? Anyway…) Not many single folks are willing to “sacrifice” a Saturday night to a mediocre or bad date. If you’ve got game, bring it.

The Exceptions to the general translation key:

  1. If you are dealing with anyone who works from home, runs a business, works retail or has an otherwise non 9 to 5 schedule… they may not even register what night of the week or weekend it is since there is no set “weekend” in their world. The Saturday evening definition may still apply, but my advice would be to take it all with a grain of salt and read my body language post for better (and documented) translation of the situation.
  2. If you both have ridiculous travel schedules, just be glad to find a night when you are both in town. Try not to read too much into what night of the week it lands on, just be ready to shuck off travel-weariness and have fun!
  3. Are you non-conformists? Ignore the above translations. He/she might just ask you out on a Monday to buck the system. But you are probably not even reading by this point because you figured out pretty quickly that this post was aimed for mainstream American daters.
  4. If either of you have kids. The babysitter availability or non-custody nights will determine when you can make a break for it and get together.
  5. If you are being asked out for a particular event, scrap the significance of the actual night on which the event takes place. At this point, I am assuming you’ve talked about something you both happen to like and decided to take advantage of that commonality. SMART dating move.

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Posted in Advice for Girls, Advice for Guys, Dating, Finding a Date, Humor

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First Date Mistakes

Posted on September 23, 2008 | Leave a comment

1. Talk about exes as “psycho.” This says more to your date about your ability to pick em than it does about your ex. 

2. Putting on so much perfume/cologne that your date smells you coming before seeing you. If your Axe spray goes ballistic on you and it’s not your fault, I suppose you can claim psychotic perfume ladies in the department store you happened to visit just prior to your date. Make up a good story though or you are going to be that “stinky date.”

3. Facial hair gone wild. Guys and girls. Tame that forrest!

4. Give and receive phone. Texting, calling, conferencing, showing off your iPhone apps… all of it… LEAVE your phone in the car if you can’t help yourself. If you are “on call” you have an out for this one, but may want to do something special to let your date know that you are bummed that your phone insisted on joining you for your date. Even better… schedule the date on a nite you have off-duty!

5. Clothes. Girls — try to limit the cleavage and legs just a little bit. Unless you are going for hooker-chic… in which case, add tight and shiny to the cleavage and booty! Boys — take something off the hanger for the occasion. Your “sniff test” might miss the fact that your shirt/pants LOOK like you dug them out of the laundry pile.

6. Bringing your mom. Unless you are younger than 16, no excuses on this one.

7. Bringing your children/dog. Yes, I know you love them and they are a HUGE part of your life, but this is a good time to leave them with a sitter or friend so you can meet this new person one on one. Drool of any sort is just not sexy.

8. Convincing your friends to “accidentally” show up where you are having your date. Not good form. Be a grown up and decide yes or no on your own. Obviously, you can ignore this one if you are on a “group date.” You can also ignore most dating advice for the occasion since you aren’t really on a date. 

9. Insult the other person. Yes, some people, especially those of the British persuasion, love a good come back or snarky quip but no one wants to be insulted. “Yo momma” comments are definitely gonna get you the gong.

10. Don’t have fun. Treat the whole evening as one, long, painful exercise in grilling each other to determine if you are “the one.” This is definitely a great way to make it to date #2. RELAX! Its just another person and they are wanting to have a good time as much as you are. No one likes being bored, ignored, insulted or grilled for an entire evening. Even if you aren’t a match — have fun and get to know the person sitting across from you! 

A final note… all is not lost if you have done one or all of the above. Sometimes you may have other charms that outshine even the largest of blunders. If you forget yourself and do one of the above, just try to be aware of what positives you do have that can change it from a disaster to a great story, friendship or experience.

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Posted in Advice for Girls, Advice for Guys, Dating, Finding a Date, Keeping a Date

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Online Dating Guidelines

Posted on September 18, 2008 | 9 Comments

I’m not saying I agree whole-heartedly with this article, (to be really clear — I don’t jive with almost all of the rules they lay out) but I thought I would post it as a discussion starter. In case you can’t tell, these are the “Rules” for online dating according to “The Rules” girls. I’d be really interested to see what the guys have to say on this score…

‘The Rules For Online Dating’
Fein & Schneider Talk About Their Book

(Their, “The Rules For Online Dating,” they apply their relationship advice to cyberspace providing a list of do’s and don’ts for successful computer romances. They visit The Early Show to talk about it. 

The title of their book explains its whole premise: “The Rules for Online Dating: Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right in Cyberspace.” 

Among the questions they address are:

How do I write an ad? 

Do I post a picture? 

Should I force the relationship from e-mail to phone? 

How can I “disappear” in between dates? 

Should I be the first to initiate a correspondence? 

Is it OK to date a married man online?

All rules are based on three premises: A man must initially feel a spark for a woman; the man must pursue the woman; and all men love a challenge. 

Here are their “Rules For Online Dating;” 

1) Don’t answer men’s ads or email them first. – Answering a man’s ad is to pursue a man; it’s no different from approaching a man at a party or a bar, calling him, and asking him out. He knows you like him and the party is over. If he does end up dating you, you’ll never know if he’s dating you because it’s easy and convenient for him or because he’s really crazy about you. 

2) Create a good screen name. – Pick one that is not boring but not too sexy, not too ho-hum but not too marriage minded. Do not go to the other extreme either and attract a man who is just interested in sex. Strive for something in the middle. Be descriptive. 
Good examples: 
BlondBeauty50 
PetiteBrunette34 

3) Less is more when writing your ad. – When answering the questionaires an online Web site requires, give the impression that you just threw some answers down with a cute picture on your way to the gym or work. After all you are very busy. And, do not answer questions that you would not answer on a first date. Mistakes: Women who say they are looking for love or marriage or who are willing to relocate; women who post more than one ad on the same web site (desperate); women who post three or four photos in the same ad;eWomen who write long answers that have a Hallmark touch to them. 

4) Post a smiling photo. – Men don’t focus on what you write as long as they like your photo. Don’t use anything too provocative. 

5) For the women who don’t want someone to know about their new hobby: get over it and put up your picture, it’s really not a big deal. 

6 )Wait 24 hours to respond. 

7) Don’t answer on weekends or holidays 

8) Write light and breezy Emails. – Do not respond to a man who sends his profile or photo only. If an email comes with no photo, respond “Would love to see a photo. Thanks.” That’s it; nothing else. If he refuses to send a picture, there is a reason. When he does send the picture, if you like it, answer with a: “Thanks!” no “Nice abs” or “Cute Pic”. Don’t tell him that you read his ad. Do not respond to anything that was in the ad, such as i.e. my brother is also an accountant. 

9) Never Email a man a second time if he neglected to respond to your Email. If you get an angry Email that says he wants more than three lines in an email from you, press DELETE and refer to rule #13. 

10) For the first three months, don’t initiate an Email, only respond. if he sends you jokes and “did I tell you how cute you are?” notes, do not respond. Wait for third one and only then write back. 

11) Block yourself from Instant Messages. 

12) Don’t volunteer your phone number first. 

13) If he doesn’t ask you out within four Emails, Delete/Next 

14) Screen out Mr. Wrong 

15) Don’t waste your time on time-wasters 

16) Don’t force the relationship from Email to phone 

17) Put safety first 

18) Don’t ad-interrogate on dates

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Posted in Advice for Girls, Dating, Finding a Date, Online Dating

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Power Struggles

Posted on September 17, 2008 | 2 Comments

It’s always interesting to me when I see an obvious power dynamic between two other people. I’ve noticed that most relationships fall into one of three categories:

  1. Some partnerships are true partners. Equal in expectations, responsibilities, involvement and relationship support. There is no visible “one up/one down” or power struggle in the way they interact. Each views the other with respect and love and does their best to remain in balance with the other person. This isn’t all to say they are perfect, just that they try to remain peers and equals instead of putting one person over the other.
  2. Other partners revel in the one up/one down power struggle. Who knows more than the other person, who makes more money, has more prestige, spends more time cleaning the toilets… you name it and couples can compete about it. In this dynamic, there is a constant juggling in the power structure — a competition for who is top dog so to speak. They fight for the right to be right. These are the ones who say “Look at what YOUR child/dog/friend did to the wood floors!” when its a shared child, pet or friend.
  3. The third structure reflects a one person dominant/one person submissive structure. Really obvious in old movies… this one is where the wife only has one function — homemaker or child-bearer and referred to as “the little woman” or the “ball and chain” when out in public. Or the man is simply the “breadwinner” and has little to no influence in the family dynamic. With this lopsided power structure — one person always knows best or is always right. There is no room for the other person to show any sign of excellence, opinion or separate desire. I’m not saying all homemaker/breadwinner scenarios reflect this dynamic — some are very equal in influence, power and respect — but its a typical set up for a one up/one down scenario.

So what does a power imbalance look like in dating? Sometimes it can be as simple as one person always being assigned the task of making the plans or insisting on being the one who makes the plans with little input from the other person. And other times it can be as extreme as two people competing for attention in every social engagement or constant sparring and bickering even when it’s highly inappropriate behavior. I’m sure you’ve seen your own fair share of relationships where you put a time clock on how long that one is going to last and just shrug your shoulders and try to avoid making plans with them as a couple.

Are you one of those couples that people put an expiration date on? Do you have a one up/one down mentality? Do you always have to be right? If someone else has a different opinion or idea do you give them the ground to speak on or do you undermine them? Does your boyfriend or girlfriend fall into the category or better than or less than me? 

If any of these sound like you… you may want to try looking at the other person eye to eye and holding equal ground instead of always competing to win. As my old boss used to say, don’t be a hater! It’s pretty wonderful to have a partner instead of a competitor. After all… we have enough competition in our day to day lives without needing to come home to more of the same.

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Catch Him and Keep Him (for the girls)

Posted on September 15, 2008 | 1 Comment

As some of you know or have inferred, I read dating books in order to track trends, ideas, research concepts, etc. I just finished a recent one based on snagging a man using sales tactics. 

I’ll be transparent here, I’m still working on understanding why the default button is a game when you are dating confused. Maybe it seems like it would just be so much easier to have some games to play that snag you the person you want? But really… do you want someone you have to essentially trick into wanting you back? I wouldn’t be writing about this at all if this wasn’t the 200th book I’ve read that puts forth games and tricks and some sort of scheme to “win” in the dating game and I wanted to share my exasperation. I won’t share the book title because I’m not really writing a pan of her book — I’m sure the tactics work for some people, but I’ve gotta vent!

  • She starts off well… knowing and loving your “product” (you). Yay! I am totally on board with this one!
  • Then she talks about packaging and selling your product. Ok, I can see where not dressing like a bag lady would be beneficial to attracting someone unless you are an Olsen Twin (no offense to any bag ladies) but just keep in mind the last point I make on this list…
  • She then moves into finding a guy… same old same old as usual with the addition of keeping your funnel full with other men until some guy is so desperate to get you off the market that he pops the question. Ummm…can we go back to the loving and knowing yourself chapter? See last point on list.
  • Now she gets into the juicy stuff — how to attract any guy and make him want you until you can “close the deal.” Here’s where the game begins — this safari guide is worthy of any African Elephant Hunt. But the bottom line… ACT like you have a life and self respect even if you don’t. See last point.
  • And the last section is kind of a wrap up on topics that didn’t fit in the other sections including how to create a sense of urgency, no drunk dialing and practicing in “game-like” conditions. I don’t even know what to say on this one except…
  • (here it is…the point you’ve been looking for) I am a FIRM believer that what you do to catch/attract someone you must CONTINUE to do AS LONG as you want to keep them! That’s right — you dressed like a tart to get him — guess what’s gonna keep him. (Heaven help you when your tarty wear is embarrassing the grandkids — but hey, you “kept” him.) You played games with appearing unavailable and too busy and withdrawing your presence at just the right time on every occasion to keep the mystery — yup, you guessed it… you’d better keep that unavailable and mystery demeanor even when you are mourning the loss of your 17 year old dog and desperately need a shoulder to cry on or find out he’s been having dinners with his assistant because she “really cares about him.” Or are you the girl who became his mom? The one who “surprises” him every week by doing his laundry, watches his dog when he goes to visit that “friend” in Miami and manages all of his family birthday present buying needs. You got it… you may “catch” him and “keep” him and end up having two kids under 10 and one who just acts like he’s 10.

What ever happened to actually HAVING a life of your own and self respect? I would think that would solve all of the above issues. Finding, attracting, keeping. No games needed. You either are busy or you’re not busy and he always knows where he stands with you because you are healthy and balanced enough to communicate it with honesty and love.

I know its easier said than done, to have a life and self-esteem independent of another person’s approval, but its kinda wonderful when you carry your own esteem around with you. Then when someone else adds to it — its just like having the proverbial cherry on top or your relationship day.

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Posted in Advice for Girls, Dating, Keeping a Date, Relationship Advice

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Desperation Dating Smells Super Stinky

Posted on September 12, 2008 | 4 Comments

You know… so many “gotta have someone…anyone!” daters have this stench about them and as my friend Will states, “The scent of desperation is one stinky stinky perfume.”

Someone getting a nose-full of desperation can kill your chance of a second date before you even get to goodnight. Sometimes its hard to smell yourself coming but watch out for the following three things and you may keep yourself out of the desperation skunk patch…

  • Stink Factor #1: low self-esteem. If you don’t believe you are a catch, and you really really want someone else to think you are one… its not gonna work. Believe you are a catch and act in that belief and you’ll suddenly find yourself attracting more attention than you know what to do with.
  • Stink Factor #2: The “Must Have Someone” Syndrome. If you are on the hunt for you+me+baby makes three… you are going to seriously freak out most people who want to get to know someone first. Be ok with being alone. Sometimes being alone can be one of the sweetest times in your life. Enjoy your time in between relationships and bask in the time to focus on your own stuff (cause you really aren’t going to have that luxury when baby makes three!)
  • Stink Factor #3: The Up Selling Approach. Do you feel like you have to add sex or money or status to the plate in order to attract a mate? A pretty stinky approach. Especially since it will attract stinkers in return. Take a moment to figure out who you are apart from your “trappings” and focus on what you really value about yourself. Unless you are a playboy millionaire and know that you want pure sex and nothing else — then work it baby and enjoy that Gold-digger flavah.

How to smell sweet again? First, realize your own worth. That smells sweeter than any perfume. Second remember that you don’t HAVE to be with someone to be happy — get happy in your own right and you will be a lot happier in relationship. And lastly, wait for the wow factor. Choose someone because you respect and love them and they WOW you, not because you are stinky desperate to not be alone anymore.

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Posted in Advice for Girls, Advice for Guys, Dating, Finding a Date

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