Love, lust, infatuation, crush? What’s the difference…really? I’ve been thinking about this one after one of my friends announced that her new (as in a few dates) boyfriend had declared his love for her. Silence and skepticism and shifting eyes met her announcement. Finally one of us just up and said, “That’s just bull s*%#. You are awesome and we know that but he doesn’t even KNOW you!”
I’ll admit, most of us probably agreed with her, but is our straight shooting friend right?
Granted, its all individual because who can really tell what’s in someone else’s heart? That aside, I asked an expert for her opinion on it and she summed it up like this:
“Lust (or infatuation) is all about how YOU make ME feel. Its inherently selfish in that its about getting instead of giving. Love is the opposite. Its about giving instead of being focused on what you are getting.”
We’ve all heard someone come back from a first or second date saying “I really like him/her — she makes me feel great about myself!” It makes sense – its the beginning stages of infatuation/lust that keeps you going back for more. So when does it turn into love and can you tell the difference?
I’ll admit, one of my favorite things to see is an old old old (like Methusela old) couple still holding hands and looking at each other like no one could be more beautiful to them — in spite of wrinkles and humps and limps and years of life together. To me, that speaks of a life-time of love.
I’m sure this topic will come back around since there is so much more to be said, but what do you think…How can you tell if it’s lust or love?
13 Comments
July 23, 2008 at 8:52 pm
I agree that lust is wanting for yourself, feeling good and confident in the relationship.
But love is when you can’t stop thinking about them, when you see things in the store and think ‘that’d be perfect for them!’, when you relish in the sound of their laugh, and when being without them makes you ache.
July 24, 2008 at 10:15 am
Nice blog. I agree with the majority of it. We all seem to know what lust is so I won’t spend any time on that. I have been thinking about love lately. It’s funny how when we are young, love is innocent and has no conditions. I’m witness to this everyday. As we get older, it seems to me that lust becomes the ying to love’s yang. They intertwine sometimes one being confused for the other. I also find that the unconditional love of youth begins to have rules and conditions when we get older. It’s tough to love without thinking what am I going to get out of this relationship or friendship. I do find that a big part of love is sacrifice. It’s giving without expectations. It’s a tough thing to do in this “What have you done for me lately?” world.
July 24, 2008 at 1:08 pm
All we need is love la tee da dee da All we need is love bomp ba bom bee bum… and cheeseburgers definitely cheeseburgers and peanut butter
- Lefty the Dog
July 24, 2008 at 1:12 pm
much agreement Mr. V. Its really tough to go from the childhood innocence version of love into knowing that you may give a lot only to never be loved in return. Perhaps because adults know that — we attach the conditions and look for a favorable outcome. I’ll likely have to write another blog on this — maybe I’ll interview you for it.
July 24, 2008 at 1:13 pm
thanks hamilton…you always make me smile.
And Nikki — thanks for the thoughts. I am so glad to know that love is what I was feeling when I thought I was losing my mind. LOL
July 25, 2008 at 5:04 pm
i know what nikki means…
July 28, 2008 at 2:32 pm
Lust is easy, it only takes minutes and some stimulus that strikes a chord of desire within, be it something physical, a smell, a gesture, etc, to hit that mark. Love is something that builds and grows over time, overlaying an established trust and inherent feeling of home and desire and and need and family; it has many facets, and only people can develop it within themselves. Love is something only someone who is comfortable in their own life can truly develop. I’ve seen too many people try to rush the feeling because of other influences around them that makes them want the scurity of a relationship that is established, and end up rushing things that should truly be developed over time and intimacy and shared experience. Love is shared contentment without life becoming stale.
September 4, 2008 at 4:17 pm
oooooo…nice thought process Craig. Thank you.
October 15, 2008 at 1:21 am
[...] Lust. Lust is an experienced bus driver but likes to blithely ignore stop signs, rarely if ever yields [...]
February 24, 2009 at 7:16 pm
[...] Love v. Lust [...]
February 24, 2009 at 11:41 pm
Lust is fulfillment in a physical form. Plain and simple. Usually there is no challenge (unless its part of the arousal. Like the thirsty man in a desert.)
I think love should be as it was in the past…true romance. Someone is on your mind… and makes you smile instead of making you stiff. The more we get older..i think alot of us come to realize it more.
My favorite saying from my Gunnery Sgt. “Quality over Quantity.”
Craig…..you say love builds over time…which I agree. But then where you say lust is rushed (IE maybe wham bam thank you ma’am, or ‘kleenex diplomacy’) then what about two consenting people that are lovers with no strings attached?
December 26, 2009 at 4:49 pm
My experience with love is mediocre at best but my idea of what it could be (from watching my parents and friends who are in it) is that its all encompassing in a very subtle way. Sort of that like a part of your bloodstream, its noticeable but not necessarily bothersome.
Whereas lust emanates from every part of your body, sensory overload, almost drug-like, an adrenaline rush of external stimuli (and stimulation as it were).
An amazing feeling we should entertain if we are able…and to those lucky few who have lust + love, kudos.
December 26, 2009 at 4:52 pm
Interesting distinction… I think you may be right, especially about lust’s drug-like properties