A recent informal TV content poll (taken by yours truly) leads me to believe that… we seem to be celebrating a culture of mean.
A while ago, my poor little bod spent more time on the couch and therefore in front of the TV than usual and flipping thru the channels brought little of the distraction that I sought (I read thru all my books and couldn’t find any new ones). I kept flipping and flipping hoping to chance upon a show that would make me laugh sans the heavy cynical commentary on our world.
I found lots of info on the History Channel…unfortunately, I knew most of it and was entirely bored by the end of “Hitler Week” (I mean really…not geared for lighthearted laughter…but plenty of “real” mean)…and then Discovery showed me all kinds of shows projecting the end of the world (I believe the date is set somewhere 4 years hence…I’d better get to living!) or the volcanic destruction of New Zealand (better visit now while its still there!) or the end of the West Coast as we know it. Interesting but not designed for even the slightest of giggles. Unless you are hoping that “new coastal property” you bought in Arizona is going to eventually pay off.
So, my surfing continued…I found some giggles in the sarcasm of the Simpsons, a few laughs from the sitcoms but what really arrested my attention were the reality TV shows…this is where I come to the pointed edge of my blog pencil… when did we become so fascinated with mean?
I see real lifers screwing each other figuratively and not so figuratively and saying that if the other person has a problem with it too bad. Batchelorettes sparring over some guy who kisses every pair of lips he sees as each girl tries to out do the other and stab that mean knife in every chance they get. I see Trump sternly informing people that they are “FIRED” for a mistake or even just a simple…people seem to dislike you so you must be difficult…you’re fired! Simon being booed and celebrated in the same breath for just being plain ole nasty. Tyra informing wanna be models that there are no excuses…even with a fever and nasty illnesses the girls must still “bring it” and look perfect b/c there are no excuses for being human in the fashion world. To get over it when someone picks on you and get used to the backstabbing b/c that’s how the “real world” works.
Really?
Why are we so OK with that being the way the “real world works?” Its only the way the world works if you are making the decision to add to that working. Yes, there are people out there who are just plain ole mean, unfair and unethical…but does that mean we have to celebrate them and their endeavors on TV? Does that mean we have to be like them in order to succeed in life, work and relationships?
I used to work in the entertainment industry, I do know TRULY mean people…But I also witnessed the shining stars. I’ve had the boss who knew how to calmly handle disaster without throwing heavy objects or swearing at the top of his lungs or lambasting his unfortunately involved co-worker, the friend who supported me when I needed help, the colleague who referred an amazing job opportunity, the celebrity who didn’t take himself oh so seriously and seemed to naturally want to serve the people around him.
Why aren’t we celebrating the shining stars? Is “drama,” disaster and backstabbing really all that wonderful to mentally and visually feast on? What happens to the little shows that try to swim upstream? What would happen if our culture started to celebrate the Golden Rule…or at least didn’t equate success and “reality” with backstabbing, nasty words and general MEANness?
Perhaps its just my impression that our culture is starting to celebrate the mean along with TV…is art imitating reality or reality imitating art? What do you think?
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Simply, the media feels meanness is more entertaining than “niceness”. I’ve worked at newspapers and trust me, there’s a lotta truth to Don Henley’s “Dirty Laundry” song. I agree with you. I’ve been at the sharp and painful end of backstabbing in my life and I can’t stand to watch those reality shows you discuss. I think it does glorify that kind of behavior.
*sigh* I know. you are so right and I really wish it wasn’t that way! thanks for commenting.
I believe, in this case, that reality is imitating art. As more and more families find themselves isolated by work, technology and broken homes; people are spending more time with TVs.
A number of young couples I know treat each other adversarially; as if they were in a sit com, often referencing TV relationships in their conversations and quarrels.
It gives me the willies!
I have noticed that when we have the opportunity to spend time with couples that treat each other in this manner, we soon see changes in their interactions. Many often respond as if, they “…didn’t know there was another option”.
I have even caught myself operating in a culture-of-mean mentality. I was in the process of making a new friend a few years back, I entered the room and took a bit of a verbal shot at him in an attempt to create camaraderie. I instantly realized that I had hurt his feelings. As he is not from the States, he was completely unfamiliar with the manner in which I was attempting to establish a bond with him.
I realized that I had succumbed to the culture of mean and I apologized for it a day or two later when I got up the nerve. It has changed how I interact with others.
Wow Erik! I may need to write a blog just to address all the stuff you brought up in your comment!
I had never really connected the dots with TV’s impact on relationships other than when it was an addiction for one or both participants. I suppose it never occurred to me that people would actually think life was really like a TV show. I mean really, how many life problems do you know that can be wrapped up and solved in 30 minutes?
I also totally agree with you on the sniping and adversarial nature of how we interact with each other on the American playing field. As far as I know, only the Brits top us in making sarcasm and witty banter a national sport. It makes me cringe to see someone take a shot at another person in order to garner points from the audience on wittiness and verbal acuity. I’ve never found myself liking that person more, I learn (at the other person’s expense unfortunately) to guard myself from the sniper and end up steering conversations and group activities away from their inclusion.
It is pretty amazing how TV can unintentionally become so integrated into our behavior. I think if people see things enough, the ‘absurd’ starts to become normal. The last couple of times I moved, I gave away my TV and didn’t bother to buy a new one for a year or so. I was surprised by how disconnected I felt when I started watching again:
“Why is there celestial organ music playing when they show a Big Mac? Why do I suddenly want one?”
“Why did a girl in a bikini suddenly appear when that guy opened a beer?”… etc.. etc…
The great thing is though, when you turn off the TV and go outside, there are still lots of really nice, interesting people doing all sorts of things that you’d never expect and that a team of writers couldn’t script in a million years. I’ve especially seen this in places like Austin and Boulder. There are always poetry readings, concerts, pick-up frisbee sessions, and all kinds of other things going on. While walking home from dinner a few nights ago, we came across a band putting on a concert in the front window of a store that had closed a week before. They were all dressed as ghosts that had been killed by there ex’es. I’m not sure why they were, but it definitely livened up the evening!
I am always amazed at the level meaness can reach when bantering gets started. It seems it is no longer accepted to greet and welcome others warmly by most of the population.
BUT I am involved with several groups, one in particular, who are consciously choosing to be love, to show love and to act out of compassion and allowing instead of judgment, anger and resentment.
Choosing to send prayers and positive energy to those we do not agree with in hopes there can be a positive change. To the polititions whose choices and actions we are fearful of, we are sending prayers and blessings that they may become more aware, more conscious and make choices from a heartfelt place instead. We feel if we can change the world one heart at a time, starting with our own we can make a difference.
As far as the world ending in 2012, I feel it is not ending as in it will blow up and be gone….it is just that the perception of now and time as it is will change. The way it is now will be radically different in a very good way.